Chapter Forty

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I have been close to death before. I have stared it in the face and won. Whether that was luck or fate or destiny is uncertain but I didn't know that it happened then. This time is different. I see the white lights that so many people talk about. Like a magical gateway is opening just for me, to take me to the place that I'll be safe and warm and happy. Far away from this nightmare.

The pain is gone and I am staring into a bright abyss of possibilities and endless choices. I can be whoever I want to be. Go wherever I want to go. I am fading with that beautiful promise of salvation.

I am dead. I am sure of it. I can even hear things talking to me. Soothing voices of angels and my ancestors. It is like music. There is so much peace. The fight is over. The struggle is gone. There is no blame or anger or guilt.

Whatever is meant for me, I do not go there, no matter how hard I try. Instead, my eyes snap open and I am confronted with Lyle's sweaty and panicked face that hovers over me. He withdraws his hands from my chest as I take my first breath.

Did I just dream that?

"Thought you died for a minute then," he mumbles. "You're lucky that I know CPR. You must have had a bad reaction to the sedation."

The pain is back. I start writhing on the bed, my cries turning into a captivating scream as the bones of my hand break. My insides are bubbling, I'm getting hotter and hotter. It's like I'm in an oven, my flesh is being cooked. I'm burning alive.

"Stop screaming!" Lyle yells. "What is wrong with you?"

I compose myself just enough to look at him. He trembles backwards so quick that he stumbles over his own feet and meets the ground.

"Your eyes," he says. "What is wrong with your eyes?"

There's so much rage inside of me. I can't contain it. I yank the restraints from the railing, freeing my wrists simultaneously. This new strength is empowering. Lyle backs away from me, crawling his way towards the door. I pause against the bed as my head starts to spin, as my stomach starts to twist and shape into something else.

How odd it is that suddenly he is the one attempting to escape. He runs at the door with the key in his hand, he gets as far as unlocking it before I push my hand at the door so forcefully that a bolt comes loose. Our eyes meet and he's starting to figure out just how dangerous I am.

"Devon, please-"

I grab on to his thick arms and I throw him across the room. I fall to my knees a second later, panting heavily as my chest stings. The pain is so intense. Every part of me is changing and morphing into something else.

Slowly.

"What are you?" he says as he backs up the wall.

I look up at the thin veil hanging around the bed. It is the same material that he used to tie my wrists. I pull it down and I hold it at both ends, tightening it into a weapon.

"No," he mutters. "Please. I'll do whatever you want. I'll let you go. I'll give you a new life. You never have to hear from me again."

I approach him, stretching the material in my hands. "I told you no once. Did you listen to me?"

"I'm listening now. I'm sorry that I hurt you. Look, you're burning up. You might be infected with some kind of virus or disease. I can have a doctor check you over."

"How considerate of you."

He isn't wrong. I do have a fever, among many things. My concentration levels are dropping but this rage is the only thing that can quench the pain. As I get closer, I see my reflection in the window. My eyes are glowing a bright amber. The same colour that I saw in Thorn's eyes when he transitioned.

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