Chapter Forty-Two

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There are five things about being a wolf that stand out above all else. First, I am so tall. And big. But mainly tall. Everything around me seems tiny. Except for Thorn, he's still an irritating giant.

Second, I have a fucking tail. The thing is constantly dragging behind me and I can actually feel it wagging at my backside. Crazy. It's the same sensation as having an arm and moving it but it hits things and has a powerful wack.

Third, my senses are past the transition stage and are even better than Thorn's. I can smell everything. Three-year-old sock on the floor? Found it. Hidden box of chocolate in a hut? Haven't found it but have been staring at it for a while in discomfort. Everyone has their own scent. Sky and Dominic's are different than the rest because they've washed themselves in a shower. It's stupidly crazy that I can tell the difference. I kept drifting from them with my nose to the ground, following scents of curious things—like a rabbit digging a hole—until Thorn called me back.

Fourth, I can't communicate with anyone. I'm not human anymore so I can't speak but I can understand everything that they're saying. Thorn said that werewolves can enter a minding connection and communicate through thoughts but that only works when they're wolves. Strangely, even though Thorn and I can't talk to each other he still seems to understand my eye signals and head movements as though he knows what I'm trying to say. I used to do the same with him when he was in wolf form. I'd gotten quite good at picking up his boredom cues. But this is different. It's like we are communicating.

And fifth. The speed. Oh my, the speed. Thorn gave me permission to do a perimeter run because I'm currently the fastest werewolf in the woods and I didn't know if I was alive or dead in that moment. It was like I was flying. I could hear everything as I ran. I knew where was safe to run to and where wasn't. I stayed clear of the base of the mountain—following his specific orders. I didn't know that they could run this fast. The trees grazed past me like bullets. I was like a bullet. I think he allowed me to do it because he could tell that I was having a problem staying still. There is a pull in our wolf forms, like the woods are calling to us. We have to run.

Oh and the sixth. There's a sixth. I can see in the freaking dark. There is no dark. I can see clearly as though the sun is shining. It's distorted, not completely bright but my sight is precise and sharp.

Even though the pack are the ones with the weapons, I am the top predator.

Thorn was right. The transition, it's euphoric. It's beyond anything that I could ever imagine. Having to transform back to a human in the morning is suddenly daunting and sad. I'd rather remain as a wolf forever. I remember how painful it was though, despite Thorn assuring me that I wouldn't, and that's the only thing stopping me from taking the transition from him every night.

Thorn has just finished giving his final orders to the group. This is a defence mission, the priority is to rescue as many of Cole's pack that we can. Those that try not to kill us. My parents are up there somewhere and that is my priority, along with my siblings.

I sit next to Sky as she holds a gun in her hand and listens to Kira's instructions on how to use it. I know that they're all staring at me. I've sensed it since I arrived back here after my transition. It is not a negative vibe, more of a curious one. One of the male werewolves has been staring so hard that I'm waiting for him to come and ask if he can pet me. Thorn has noticed it too but he ignores it.

I told the siblings that our mother was alive shortly before I transitioned and I can tell that it's playing on Sky's mind. I nudge my head into her arm and she snaps out of her trance. She looks into my eyes and smiles, dropping her head with bereft.

"Cole is never going to let them go," she whispers. "He won't let any of us go. You don't know what it was like. He controlled everything that we did. He tortured members into submission if they tried to leave. I'm afraid that they'll stand with him. They don't deserve to die."

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