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Im not gonna have time to list it so here's the wedding party: Best man: Crutchie Maid of honor: Lucille Groomsman: Davey, Race, Spot, Albert Bridesmaids: Sarah, Smalls, Edith, Constance Katherine's brother who is also named Joseph will be called Joey
"You can turn back now." "Fuck off dad. I'm marrying Jack and you're not about fuck up my wedding." Katherine said, while walking down the aisle with her father. The two of them weren't going to get married this early, only being 18 and having graduated high school a week earlier, they mostly did it to piss off her dad, who hated Jack.
The pastor ran into the church, taking his place with Jack and Katherine, who were already waiting for him at the altar. "I'm pastor Trevor. So, I don't know what to say so I'm gonna wing as best I can." That's never a good thing. "To start off, it's just the three of you now. Jack, Katherine, and Jesus." Jack and Katherine burst out laughing. Pastor Trevor did not look pleased. "It's not funny. Don't reject Jesus in your life. As Chris Rice said in Come To Jesus, 'Remember when we walk sometimes we fall, so fall on Jesus'." Everyone just stared at him. "You look young to be getting married." Pastor Trevor said. "We're 18." Jack replied.
"Well then I think we need to have this conversation. Sex before marriage is a sin. Kissing before marriage is a sin. Before you commit sexual acts, ask yourself, would God approve of this? The answer is always no. By marrying someone who isn't a virgin, you're betraying God. I didn't even kiss my wife till our second child was born." "And how'd that work out for you?" Jack said sarcastically. Everyone chuckled. Pastor Trevor glared at him and continued. "Clearly none of you are listening. What I mean is, remember to make room for Jesus in bed... why are you laughing?"
"Remember, when it comes to marriage, it's God first, your partner second. Jack, are you going to center your marriage to Katherine around God?" "Nope." Pastor Trevor sighed, annoyed. "Katherine, are you going to center your marriage to Jack around God?" "No, absolutely not."
"Alright. Repeat after me for vows. Katherine, you first. I will accept that my husband will have sid-" "I'm not gonna say any of that." "Okay, Jack, your turn. I will teach my wife her pla-" "What the fuck is wrong with you?" "Okay, no vows then. If anyone has a reason these 2 should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace." "Sit the fuck down Joseph!" Katherine's mother screamed. "Shouldn't we exchange rings or something?" Pastor Trevor said. Herbert came over with the rings. They put the rings on each other, and the service continued.
"Jack Kelly, do you take Katherine Pulitzer to be your lawfully wedded wife?" Jack made direct eye contact with Pulitzer in the front of the church. "Fuck yeah." "Okay, and do you, Katherine Pulitzer, take Jack Kelly to be your lawfully wedded husband?" "I do." "I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bri-" They were already making out before he could finish his sentence. She wrapped her leg around him and he grabbed her boob, and pastor Trevor looked like he might have a brain aneurysm.
"You people are insane and unholy! I'm out of here!" Jack and Katherine just started laughing again. They walked in their reception hall to find no tables. "We rented those tables, where the fuck are they?" "They're not coming. They didn't explain why and refused to give you a refund." Katherine's mother said. "Shit. We don't have chairs either then." "There's some in the church, I can send the wedding party to get them." "Okay, that'll work." There wasn't even 40 people at the wedding, but there was enough alcohol for at least 100 guests, so everyone started to drink.
"Heyyy Daveyyy." "What the fuck Les are you drunk?" "Yeah....." "OKAY WHO ON THE FUCK GAVE LES ALCOHOL? Whatever I'm getting another drink." Les just wandered off. Race and Spot ran out of the kitchen, and onto the crowded dance floor, crying and screaming at each other.
"WELL FUCK YOU RACE! I THOUGHT YOU ACTUALLY LOVED ME!" "IF I DIDN'T WOULD WE HAVE JUST FUCKED IN THE WALK IN FREEZER? I MEAN AFTER EVERYTHING WE'VE BEEN THROUGH-" "WE'VE BEEN DATING FOR 3 FUCKIN DAYS THE FUCK YOU MEAN EVERYTHING WE'VE BEEN THROUGH? YOU KNOW WHAT, THIS ISN'T GONNA WORK!" "Are you breaking up with me?" "Yeah, I am." "Spot don't do this to me!" "I already have bitch!"
Race said something to Albert and ran off again. "THAT SON OF A BITCH DID WHAT?!" Albert and Spot started fist fighting, among the dance floor of drunk teenagers dancing to Cotton Eye Joe.
Crutchie wandered into the bathroom. Smalls and Sniper were having sex in the middle of the floor. Meanwhile, JoJo was throwing up in a urinal, Race was sobbing in one of the stalls, and Specs was taking a piss in the sink. He left without another word.
"WELL FUCK YOU TOO JOSEPH! YOU'RE A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT BUT I STILL MARRIED YOUR DAUGHTER ASSHOLE!" Jack punched him and they began fist fighting. "Jack..." "Oh hey Katherine." Jack stopped fighting to make out with Katherine again, right when Pulitzer slammed a metal chair against him. "GO TO THE CAR, WERE LEAVING NOW!" Katherine's parents left, and she continued making out with Jack.
"Spot, are you still in love with me?" "Kind of." "Wanna get back together?" "Sure." "Let's go make out." "Sounds good." "True love right?" Albert said. "It's only been 10 minutes." Elmer replied. "Stop being a jealous bitch Elmer!" "What did I even say?!"
"Hey you stupid bitches they're cutting the cake now!" Davey shouted. "Has anyone seen Les?" "Heyyyy....." "How the fuck are you more drunk?!" "I don't knowwww..." "WHO KEEPS GIVING LES ALCOHOL?!"
"Fuck it, everyone just grab a handful, I can't find the knife." Katherine said. Everyone grabbed their handful. "Oh, it was in my hand. Oops. Anyways we're gonna head out now, thanks for coming."
