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"Connor did you get Gabe ready like I asked you to?" Larry asked Connor. "I tried to, he's already drunk and when I tried to get him up he bit me, so you can deal with him." Larry just sighed. "This shit isn't gonna last anyway." "Connor don't say that. Try to have some faith in this marriage." "No guarantees." The entire wedding party was made up of members of the "La Gorda clan".
*ceremony*
Since Gabe was taking too long, Zoe had already walked down the aisle without him being up there. Gabe finally stumbled his way down the aisle, wearing his usual dirty hoodie, jeans, and sneakers. He tripped on a rock before getting back up and walking to the altar. Gabe still had a beer in his hand. "Beer...." "Gabe, give me the beer and go get married." Connor said. "No, beer." "Gabe, give me the fucking beer." Gabe dropped it. "Well that solves that problem."
"Welcome to the wedding of Zoe Murphy and Gabriel Basio. I personally don't know either of these people, but they seem pretty nice. I assume they had to have met sometime and been together for sometime since they are here getting married today. The budget of this wedding was 2500 dollars so I don't think I'm getting paid enough to say anything else. But the couple wrote their own vows."
Gabe pulled out a piece of paper. "Love is like beer, I can't live without and if all of it disappeared from the world I'd throw myself off a bridge, though that's mostly about beer. That's it." When Zoe read her vows, it was the exact vows she had for Joshua, but replacing Joshua with Gabe's name. "Wait is she just marrying him to get revenge on Joshua?" Connor said. "I honestly don't know." Cynthia said.
"Do you take this woman to be your wife?" "Yep I do." "Do you take this man to be your husband." "I do." "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." Zoe and Gabe started kissing. "Did you just bite my lip?" Zoe said. "Yeah." "Why did you do it again?" "You're hot."
*drunk confessional*
"I think this whole wedding is just her trying to make Joshua jealous or something." Connor said. "I don't think he's jealous of her marrying a homeless guy she found on the streets of Wyoming and she knows Gabe isn't the one, or does she? No telling with her." "So who's Joshua?" "Her ex husband." "But isn't she like 19?" "In about 2 months yeah." "Do I even wanna know?" "No."
*reception*
Gabe had made a Spotify playlist for the reception. Once Starships ended, a godawful rap song came on. "Aren't they supposed to do the first dance?" Cynthia said. "He doesn't have premium so we have to wait until that song comes up, and he's already used up all his skips for an hour." "Okay then, I'm getting some more food." Once the song ended, there was about 4 ads in a row. Then the music resumed, to another terrible rap song.
"So why you ain't gots no ring Princess?" La Gorda asked Zoe, as they were getting drinks. "He proposed with an onion ring he found in the Burger King dumpster on a date." La Gorda lit her cigarette. "Classic Gabe." When Super Bass came on, people started returning to the dance floor. Alana slipped on her dress while she was running. "Shit!" "Interesting friend you got there Princess." "Can you stop calling me that?"
*drunk confessional*
"My daughter has absolutely horrible taste in men and I'm not gonna try and deny that anymore." Cynthia said. "Very straightforward." "I mean you should see her exes. One of them asked me if lasagna is vegan? Who asks if lasagna is vegan? Of course that's also the one that tried to date her brother and then ran away to Nebraska to find himself." "I'm so confused." "Trust me, I am too."
*reception*
It was time to cut the cake. When they started, a slow mumble rap song came on. "Wait pause it." Gabe said. "I guess that's the first dance song." Zoe said. Gabe was too drunk to cut the cake, so Zoe had to do it. Gabe tried smeared the frosting on her face, but missed and smeared it on her dress. "Gabe!" "Oopsie daisy." Zoe sighed. "It's fine Gabe, let's just do this first dance and then we can eat our cake."
Gabe was stumbling the entire first dance, fell over several times, and almost knocked Zoe down several times. "Isn't he a classy guy?" Connor said sarcastically. Maria stood up and pulled Evan to the dance floor with her. "Maria what is this?"
Maria handed Jared her phone. "Record this." "Okay." Maria got down on one knee. "Evan, will you marry me?" Everyone just stared at Evan. Evan noticed Zoe looking at him and burst into tears. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry I didn't know she was going to-" He ran out of the place. "Wait Evan come back!" Maria ran after him.
*drunk confessional*
"I once killed a man for a pack of cigarettes." La Gorda said. "Ma'am the confessions are supposed to be about the couple or the wedding." "Ah fuck. Well now you knows." "Are there any normal people at this fucking wedding?!"
*reception*
Gabe and Connor were now outside fighting. "What the hell is they fighting about?" La Gorda said. "Shit, this pack just ran out." "I don't fucking know." Zoe said. Connor punched Gabe, and Gabe stumbled, fell, and rolled into the lake. "Goddamnit!" Zoe walked downhill and grabbed Gabe, who was somehow managing to drown in 2 foot water. "Come on Gabe, we're going to the hotel."
