The Assassin's Weakness✔️

16. Distance

I miss him dearly and I have not seen him in a week and I want to go and check up on him and see how he is doing but then I remind myself that he is a crazy, lying murderer.

The first few days he came to my school and when he saw that I was not interested in talking to him he stopped coming to my school but instead hung around my neighbourhood. I was annoyed but I could not tell him to stay away, he has a right to be here if he wants.

My mother noticed the change and I told her it is nothing, which is far from the truth but it is what they needed to hear. My father did his best to cheer me up, he bought me books and paint supplies which I accepted with stride and I painted my feelings out.

Betrayed, I felt betrayed. How could he hide his darkness so well? How could he bring me light but be so dark? I could not understand how he could be him and love me so softly.

My body was missing him, his haunting touch and his ever brown eyes, his electrifying scent, his belief in me, his sound shattering kiss, his relaxingly warm embrace, his room-filling laughter and those damn tattoos that lead a map around his body. I missed him, terribly and true but did I miss the image I had created of him or did I miss him? 

In the time we have been apart my breasts have become tender, so tender I hated wearing a bra but being without one caused me even more distress and I have been tired constantly, I get home, I am tired, in class, I am exhausted and I just can't seem to get enough rest.

Kate and I were on speaking terms, not full-time friends but speaking buddies. Sibo is glad and I know she is the one that gave Kate that push. Sam and I talk vaguely, I try not to talk to him. I am sorry that he went through that but he is an ass.

****

It has been a month since I spoke to Kai and honestly, I have never had so much sadness over missing a person. After a while, he stopped coming around so I would pass by his house and walk extra slow to see if he would spot me. I hoped he would, I wished he would but I was terrified of him doing it.

I am afraid of the man I love, I am afraid of what he could do to me in the wrong circumstances, I am afraid of him but also afraid of the part of my soul that believes he would never hurt her. I am fearful of that part of myself that waits a bit longer to see if he will come out, fearful of the part of me that misses him and wishes he would bang on my window. 

Kai is all I want yet I hate myself for even suggesting the idea.

I have been unexplainably hopeless and I know it is not because I miss Kai, something about everything that makes me miserable. I know having him around would make me feel better but he murdered people, how many more has he murdered?

I sit alone in the cafeteria, it is not great but it is fun to just look at everyone and try to imagine what has them down in the dumps. I stand up to go throw my trash away when I am hit by a wave of dizziness. I am able to hold myself with the help of a table.  I stand to walk out and go to the bathroom but I find the world blurring, the noise fading before it all turns dark.

****
"We took a blood sample and the labs are back. Do you want to hear it while your brother is here?" I give the Dr a nod and he turns to ⅝⁴⁴3

"So who's it." Sam offered to come with me to the hospital and he was in the room when the doctor told me that I am expecting. 

"Kaiser's." I should abort but I do not think I will be able to live with myself if I did. Am I ready to raise a child, Kaiser's child to be exact?

"So are you going to tell him?" I should, I would not know how to carry on without telling him.

"Yeah, I just don't know how. We have not spoken in a month."

"You could send him a text."

"Yeah not my style, I want to tell him face to face."

"Then tell him you want to talk and then tell him." What if he has already moved on and I am ruining his life? What if he kills me and the baby? That is being drastic, he would not do that, would he? No.

"I will figure out a way but for now, this is my secret for me to know and for you to shut up about. If anyone finds out I will know it is you and I will tell Kaiser to break your bones." Not me using Kaiser as a threatening tool. He nods before heading out. I grab my bag and head to the front desk to sign my release papers.

I do not think I am telling my parents until I know what to do. I just need time to figure out what is best for me and my future.

I get a text from Sibo wanting to know if I am okay.

"Mama, I'm taking a walk to the park, I am coming back." She nods before going back to her book.

I am hoping I see him, I am carrying his baby, whether he is a murderer or not, he is going to be my baby daddy, if I decide to keep this baby.

"Hey Sibo, I am fine I just fainted at school." She lets out a sigh of relief.

"So, what happened?" I want to tell her but she is going to tell Kate but I could take the risk that she won't, I can not make this decision on my own.

"Well, I want to tell you something but I need you to not tell Kate, can you do that?" She thinks about it for a moment before replying with

"For you, yeah. What's up?" Here it goes?

"I am carrying Kai's baby and I don't know what to do."

"What? Did you find out today?"

"Yeah, Sibo, I don't know what to do, I am scared." An unruly tear falls out of my eye and runs along my cheek.

"Where are you so I can come and pick you up."

"The park near my house." Another tear.

"I'm on my way." I hang up and wait for her.

If I decide to abort, should I tell him? She parks in front of me and I go to hug her. Her arms wrap around me and I feel the tears running out of my eyes and settling on her hoodie.