The Assassin's Weakness✔️

26: Not Tonight

"You ready, Paris?" The nurse asks as she walks in with the midwife, I nod and grab a hold of Kai's hand, "I am going to fetch the Dr." the nurse walks out, I take a breath and I feel my perineum stretching the urge to suck Kat back into my vagina is strong

"Fuck, get this baby out of me!" I pull on Kaiser to look away.

"Would you like to change position?" The midwife asks me. Furiously nodding, she helps me change my position so that my ass is up, my legs spread apart.

"Miss, where is the Dr, I need this child out of me."

"She is on her way, I will call for her." She walks leaving me with Kaiser.

"One is enough, I can't go through this again." He nods. "Massage my back please, lower, lower, there." He presses down so that helps.

"Are you ready to have a baby!" The doctor comes in and sits at the end of the bed. She leads me onto the birth. "Last push!" One last push, I take a deep breath and visualise holding Kat in my arms.

Their cries fill the room.

"It's a girl!" A girl! The doctor wipes her up before handing her to me and my oh my is she beautiful. She has his greenish-brown eyes, my wide nose and those ears my mother hates. Kaiser places a kiss on my forehead. My father walks in and I had her to him.

"She is so beautiful, my first grandchild." I wish my mom was here, but I know she is in spirit. I find myself falling asleep, my eyelids close involuntary and I place my head fully on the pillow.

We name her Khanyisa Heilda Ludwig.

My dad walks in as I am laying with Khanyi on my chest.

"Hey Dad, did you come to see Khanyi?" She shakes his head and sits down. Kaiser is fetching me food, I am hungry and hospital food is far from delicious.

"You need to put Khanyi in the crib." I slowly place her in the crib

"What is it Dad, you are scaring me."

"Your mom passed away last night." For a moment, time stops and I swear I heard incorrectly, there is no way.

"What did you say?"

"Mom died last night, the doctor says before she died she asked that for her sister." She is dead? My mother is gone? Tears stream down my face before sounds leave my mouth. Kaiser entered and came to my side and just held me until I fell asleep.

I wake up from my nap and Kai and my dad are talking, Kai hugs my dad and they have a moment before letting go and my dad leaves.

"What was that about?"

"Told him we would visit." Oh yeah.

"I can't believe she is gone." He picks Khanyi up.

"It's gonna be okay."

"Is it ever? She should be here holding Khanyi, teaching me how to be a mother, leading me, being my best friend, she should be here." He kisses my temple.

"I know, Mien liebe, I know."

My dad is organizing the funeral. I got discharged yesterday, the funeral is tomorrow and I am not ready to say goodbye, I do not think I will ever get ready to say goodbye, not to my mom.

The funeral was amazing, my dad and I made our speeches, our families embraced and they got jolly over Khanyi, most of them did not know that I was pregnant so that was a bit awkward but Kaiser did get tons of lectures from my uncles about how he should marry me and pay damages for Khanyi which he has promised to do.

Some of them stayed the night but they did leave in the morning. Kaiser and I are staying at my parents' house because we do not want my dad alone.

Kai is making us dinner, I have not been able to do much. I stay in bed most of the time, he reminds me to pump and breastfeed and I feel as though it should be natural but it is not and I wish she was here to validate my feelings.

"How is she holding up?" In a hushed tone but I can hear, it must be his mom

"I do not know."

"I mean is she different from before she gave birth?"

"I do not know, Ma. She sleeps more, I need to beg her to eat, she barely gets out of bed, her dad tries to get her out of bed but she will not get out or speak more than a few words to us."

"She needs you right now, she lost her mother and gave birth at the same time, that is a lot for a person to take, be patient with her."

"I try my best I feel like sometimes I am too forceful like maybe she does not want to eat and I should allow her but she needs to eat so that we can breastfeed Khanyi."

"Just be there, help her get over this. I will be here to take care of Khanyi and help you where ever you two may need. Now let me go see my daughter in law and grandbaby."

"Khanyi is asleep."

"Oh okay." I hear her footsteps, she opens my door slightly to let her head through. "Hey, can I come in?" I nod and she walks in sits on my bed and gently holds my hand. "I am here for you and anything you may need." I move towards her and crawl up in her arms, she wraps her arms around me. "You are going to be okay, however long it may take you to get there you will get there." A few tears leave my eyes to puddle on her shirt.

She left to go bath Khanyi and Kai came in and sat with me.

"She is not coming back."

"No, she is not."

"I wish she could but I get it, she is with her Lord and saviour, you think I am a bad mother for mourning instead of taking care of my newborn?"

"No, you need time to heal and we are taking care of her." A few moments of silence "I think you need to see someone."

"I think so too."

"I will see what I can do." I wrap my hands around him.

"Thank you."