44: We are more than that

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"Dada! Mama!" We jolt awake to find, Khanyi trying to climb into bed with us, we are both naked

"You scared us, kleine bohne," Kai says, his head heading to the pillow while his hand moves towards my breast. [Translation: Little bean]

"Dada fogs! I watch fogs!" He groans, still holding me close

"Okay, go into my room and I will come." She stands still "now, please?" She goes as she gets out of sight, his hands turn me around and his lips meet mine

"Come on, let's go before your daughter finds us again," I say as his finger traces my face and his eyes search my soul for the sadness.

"Let me go put on Frogs for her, don't move, please." I nod and he gets out of bed and heads to where Khanyi is.

She is probably hungry, I put on the shirt I had on before he took it off me and head downstairs to make her food.

Pap and gravy, she loves pap and gravy, I think it is because she can eat it with her hands. I love pap and gravy so she must get the love from me.

"Kamo?"

"Kitchen!" He stands on the threshold in his boxers.

"I thought..."

"Khanyi is probably hungry."

"Are you hungry?"

"Mmhh." With a nod. He pours a glass of whiskey and sits on the counter "you don't want food with that?" He shakes his head

"I'm trying to get drunk."

"Why?" He shrugs. Is he regretting last night? He is

"What are you thinking about?"

"What?"

"You look like a deer caught in headlights, what are you thinking about?"

"Do you, perhaps, maybe, like..."

"Say it."

"Do you regret sleeping with me?" A low whisper, maybe I don't want him to see the insecurities that plague me or maybe I know he was toying with me. Maybe he is, maybe he did not want me there and he pities my depression.

"No, why would you think that?"

"I don't know." He gets off the counter and turns me to face him, his hands cupping my face

"I do not regret having sex with you. Being around you is the best gift the universe has given me" A peck on my forehead "Come on, let me go feed Khanyi." As he leaves the room, he turns back "Do not try to kill yourself, okay?" Don't listen to him

"Okay." I wasn't even thinking about it but great to know that I promised not to do it.

After I made food and cleaned the kitchen, I went to take a bath. Was the overwhelming urge to slit my wrists there? Yes, was the thought to wrap a part of his shirt around my throat as I drown myself there? Yes, but I didn't act on it like the coward I am.

I put on another of his shirts with my pyjama shorts before going into his room to find him sleeping with Khanyi sleeping on his chest. I got into bed trying not to wake them.

"You good?" He says in a groggy voice

"I'm good, you okay?"

"Painkillers are making me drowsy."

"You are in pain?"

"Was, I'm okay now." I stare at his face, he is the most handsome man I have ever laid eyes on but his heart, his love, his loyalty that is what makes him amazing, I do not deserve him, not in the slightest. He plants a kiss on my forehead "We okay?"

"We are more than okay." I place my head on his chest, Khanyi always seems happier when she is laying on his chest, I know how she feels, he is like a ball of sunshine and his aura is inviting and safe. His presence easily lulls me to sleep.

My phone stirs me awake.
"Hello?"

"Hey Kamo, I brought you the project."

"Thank you, Kelly, I am coming." I turn to see if Kai is still asleep but he is not there, he must be in the bathroom. "Hey, you can come in, uhm can you explain it to me?" She walks on followed by Chris. My body goes into shock.

"Kamo? Kamo. Kamo." I get out of my head and stare at Kai who has me in his arms. "You okay?"

"Uhm, yeah. Are Kelly and Chris still here?"

"Dining room." He heads to the kitchen as I head to my classmates.

"Sorry, guys, I zoned out."

"It's cool, uhm so..." She drones on explaining the assignment, Chris focusing on his phone. "Got it?"

"Yeah, I will call you if there is a problem."

"Okay. Are you sure you are okay?" A nod does not put her worries to rest

"I am okay, Kelly, I am." She nods before reaching do a hug.

"I'm here for you if you need me." She moves to get out, Chris comes out of the dining room and tries to hug me but I back away. He chuckles before shaking his head and walking out of the door.

"Kai?" He stands at the threshold, I walk into his arms abd he wraps me in them.

"You want Ice Cream?" I nod into his chest. "Let me get you Ice Cream and put on something for you on the TV." He walks into the kitchen and Chris walks back into the house

"What do you want, Chris?" My voice breaking

"How could you just get back together with him like he didn't leave you and let you fall into a depression."

"What are you getting at?" I twidle my fingers as he stands in front of me.

"You were not like this." He pleads

"I was, I hid it well. Chris, you don't know me, you never will so let it go, let me go, please."

"I won't give up on you."

"I can't love you,"

"You don't know that."

"And you know her better than she knows herself?" Kai asks as he stalks over us

"No, I mean she never gave me a chance."

"Why should she give you a chance? Because you are a nice guy and can show her the world? 'Cause you two have shared interests? Is it that?"

"N...no."

"You love the version of her that you created when you first saw her and guess what, she is not a doll buddy."

"I am not your friend!"

"I wouldn't want to be anyway, if you have nothing important to say, get out of my house before I shoot you." Chris nods before leaving "Are you okay?"

"I am okay," I mutter as I try to force a smile,

"Come on, let's watch TV before she wakes up." He turns to go to the lounge

"Can you carry me?" He chuckles before opening his arms, I jump into his arms and he holds me as I wrap my legs around his waist and my hands around his neck.

I lay on his chest after he sits down. He hands me the tub of Ice Cream, he did wrap it in a cloth and I placed it on the book stand which I moved in front of us.

My eyelids get heavier and I try to fight it but sleep takes over.

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