27: life after death

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I have been seeing someone for a few weeks now and I think I am getting better, not okay enough not to see someone but I am able to hold my daughter, I am able to get out of bed to shower. Kai needs to remember when I need to take my pills but otherwise, I am good.

Khanyi looks like my mother so much, everyone absolutely adores her and I cherish her because I feel like she is the last gift my mother gave me, a safe delivery.

My dad is getting better but he is struggling and there is nothing I can do for him, I can not take the pain away and it kills me.

Every time I look at Kaiser I imagine the pain my father is going through and for the first time since I saw those bodies, I realised I would kill for him, I would kill for Khanyi, that is maternal instincts but what I feel for Kaiser is different, I love this man so much that he could do no wrong that I could never forgive, I could never hate him.

"Dad, I was talking with Aunt Mercy, she feels as though going to them for some time will be good for you." He shakes his head

"I can not leave you alone."

"I am not alone, Kaiser is here and Sibo will visit me now and then."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Totally. It hurts but I can get over it if you are okay." He pulls me into a hug.

"I will be okay, do not worry for me."

"I won't if I know you are around people who understand the pain you feel. Khanyi and I will come and visit soon, I just need to finish school."

"Okay, I will go." He leaves for his room.

He packed his bags and was on his way to the scenic mountains of Lesotho.

We are sitting on the bed, he is watching tennis while I read.

"I have been thinking about a few things but I am not sure if you would agree."

"Shoot."

"I have been thinking about it and I don't think I want to not be involved in Khanyi's life, like every aspect and at the same time I feel as though there is nothing I want to do besides raise her and so I don't know what I should do, should I be a stay at home mom or what?"

"Financially, you could be a stay at home mom and that is fine with me and I could give you an allowance as well if that is something you want, give yourself time Kitten, you are only eighteen, you just gave birth, lost your best friend, you do not need to figure things out now just take it easy."

"So you think I should spend some time at home being a mom before I figure things out?"

"You have the means to. You could be a stay at home mom for life if that is what you want."

"You could afford that?"

"Yeah, I am not reckless with my money."

"Okay, then it is sorted, I am a stay at home mom." He nods and goes back to his watching. A few moments later he asks

"Would you like to get married?"

"Are you proposing?" I hope he is not.

"No."

"One day." White dress and everything.

"To me?"

"I would love for it to be you."

"When do you think you would love to get married?"

"In a year or two. We already have a child together so to me, we are pretty much together forever." He nods, on cue, his daughter begins crying.

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