31: Deutschland

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I woke up early to make sure everything was packed and ready, wouldn't want to need something in the air. The flight is five hours from now and I am getting everything in the car.

"Let me get an energy drink." He calls out, going to the kitchen as I strap sleepy Khanyi. "Got it."

"Cool let's go, I still don't understand why we didn't get a flight from here to Joburg."

"Didn't think of it until it was too late."

"You have terrible road trip planning skills lucky you have me." I connect to the car. "Made a playlist and I got you snacks, four hours of driving is no joke."

"Thank you, Kitten." His hand on my thigh he reverses out of the garage.

I was a bit anxious, there was a feeling in my git that everything will not be roses and peaches, I do not know what but something in my body was telling me to prepare for the worst. What could be worse than killing people?

"Kamo." Pulling me out of my trance he points to an awake, crying and hungry Khanyi. After handing her the bottle, I focus on the book I am reading, I have been thinking about maybe getting a degree, I have been feeling insecure in just being Israel's baby mama, maybe if I had a degree I would feel worth something.

"Was ist falsch?" His German accent is amazing but his voice when he speaks in his tongue is seductive.

"Huh?"

"What's wrong, Kitten?"

"Nothing, why would you think there is something wrong?"

"The expression on your face and you have been awfully quiet."

"Just thinking."

"Would you care to share?" His thumb rubs on my thigh.

"I was just thinking about maybe going to university."

"You do not sound excited about your thought?"

"I am not, university would mean leaving Khanyi for hours and I don't think I would be able to leave her."

"Is that the only reason?" There are a million others

"Yes."

"Well you still have time and you can take as much time as you need, don't rush yourself."

"Yeah, you are right." I just need to wrap my head around just being a baby mama to a world-renowned assassin.

We got on the flight and Khanyi was anxious at first but we sorted it out, she was peaceful for the rest of the trip. When we arrived, Kai had already sorted out a rental car and we headed for his mom's house.

"Ahhh mein sohn, mein hübscher junge und seine schöne familie." [Translation: My son, my pretty boy and his beautiful family.]

"Mama, It is good to see you." He hugs his mother, they hold on to each other for a moment before letting go. She comes to see Khanyi, she has not seen her in nearly nine months.

"Hey, Greta." She pulls us in for a hug.

"It is great to see the both of you so healthy, mein enkelin, can I take her inside?" I hand Khanyi over to her grandmother, we walk inside to greet umi Heidi.

"Ahhh tochter von Schmidt, sie ist eine Schönheit," Umi says admiring Khanyi

"What did she say?"

"She said that Khanyi is beautiful." My boyfriend wraps his arm around my waist as we watch his family fall in love with his first child.

We sat and conversed thankfully most of it happened in English, I need to learn German quickly.

It was not long before it was Khanyi's bedtime and Kai went to tuck her to sleep.

"We made eisbien, hope you like pork."

"I can eat it." I do not particularly like meat, Kai loves it to death so we have tons of it but I am not an avid fan.

"Great, I will get started with plating." She cheers going into the kitchen.

I wish I could hug myself, just hold myself together for a little longer. It's emotions like these that I have consistently been struggling with.

How did I go from the confident girl I was to a shell of everything she was, it is a mind trip, every day I feel like a fraud, I feel like I do not love my daughter enough, and I think my boyfriend does not want me and every day I feel less and less like myself.

"Would you like tea?" Kai asks standing on the threshold.

"Huh?"

"Would you like some tea?" Concern lingers on his face but he does not ask.

"Yes please, two sugars instead of three."

"You sure?" A nod from me and he goes to prepare a cup of tea for me.

Conflicted, to tell him how I have been feeling and hear "You are important and worthy" or not tell him and see him fight a losing battle fighting something he does not know.

He places the cup in front of me
"Thank you, Baby."

"You are welcome." He puts my feet on his lap and undoes my shoelaces, taking off my boots before he starts massaging my feet.

"This is new, are you trying to impress your mom?" The grin on my face can not be hidden.

"I am trying to see a smile on that face of yours." A blush in place of a smile, instinctively, I cover my face and he peels off my fingers from my face and is spotting his amazing smile. "Beautiful."

"My cheeks are going to fall off."

"Okay, I will stop." He cups my face with his fingers and plants a peck on my lips.

Greta called us for dinner, it was delicious, the eisbien was great, but the kartoffelsalat which is potato salad was divine.

After dinner, Greta and Heidi went to sleep while Kai and I enjoyed wine and whiskey in front of the fireplace, we also made s'mores, well I made s'mores, he just ate them.

"Mama asked how you dealt with postpartum depression?"

"I don't know if I still have it or not."

"You want to talk to someone about it when we get back?"

"Would like to be able to talk to you about it," I mumble trying to be incoherent.

"Okay, I am here, all ears." He is resting his back on the couch, I lean into him and rest my head on his lap.

"Not now, I am feeling okay." He rubs my back and massages my temples.

I wake up with Kai putting me in bed, a kiss on my forehead and he stands over me.

"Gute nacht, mein verehrte frau." [Translation: Good night, my precious wife.]

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Hope you guys are enjoying your week, I am particularly happy that I am done with Mr Rumming and The Teacher because that means I get to spend more of my time with Kaiser and his baby mama, maybe we can even finish this book in the months to follow.

Also🥺🥺🥺3k reads, I am elated😭😭❤❤

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