What's Up, Doc? • Chris Evans (BWWM)

Can't Trust a BBL and a Smile

TW: Child Abuse

I fucked up. I fucked up so bad that Ariel blocked me. I tried to give her a day of space, but I couldn't and ended up filling her voicemail box by the end of the night. I had the urge to show up at her place, but I'm sure she would sick Boudicca on me. Zeke offered to keep me updated on how she was doing through text but I declined. It's my fault he's in the middle of this. The only tab I was able to keep on her was seeing her on TV at the Dallas game. Seeing Edelman make her laugh pissed me off . She laughing while I'm here with her Christmas gifts still around the tree. I had to lie to my family and tell them she had a emergency at work.
I need to talk to her. It's been torture. I need to come clean to my mom and get her advice.
"Come on, Dodge. We're going to ma's," he had one of Boudicca's chew toys in his mouth.
"I'll get our girls back, Bubba,"
We got in my Rubicon and headed to my ma's. She still has her decorations up. Seeing Ariel's full stocking is going to kill me. When I entered the house she was cleaning the kitchen.
"Hi, sweetie. You didn't tell me you were coming by,"
"Yeah, my mind has been everywhere lately,"
"Because of what happened with Ariel,"
"Yeah," wait.
"How do you know?"
"I spoke with her last night. I asked when is she coming to get her gifts and she told me you two had an argument," wow, she really is purposely ignoring me.
"Did she say we broke up?"
"She said she's not speaking to you," I sighed in relief. At least it isn't totally over in her eyes.
"What did you do? You two couldn't keep your hands off each other on Christmas Eve," she signaled me to sit next to her on the couch.
"I pushed about her childhood,"
"Chris I told you to leave it alone,"
"I know," I sighed.
"I just- she may of been gotten physically abused in her childhood. Her parents followed these two pieces of shit. Michael Pearl. Ma I watched a video. He told parents to shun their child if they act silly. Shun a five year old for being a five year old. Or this fucking blanket method. They'll entice their kid with food or a toy. Then when they step off the blanket they hit them. Just to teach a baby to not leave a blanket. I know she said her parents didn't get into that until she was like five, but- it just pisses me off,"
"Are you afraid Ariel will be like that as a mother?"
"No, no. She would never. She'll be amazing like you are,"
"Then why did you bring it up?"
"I wanted to know. She always brushes it off or makes a dark joke. I feel like there's still something there. That hurts her,"
"Chris, Ariel isn't a hurt woman. I've been around women that went through what you described. They don't act how Ariel those. She went to therapy. She did the work to find and fix herself,"
"But she should be able to talk about it then, right?"
"No, Chris. Being healed from your past trauma doesn't mean you can just start talking about it to any and everyone-"
"I'm not just anyone though. I'm her boyfriend,"
"Chris. Listen. If she had been raped would you want her to tell you about it?"
"No,"
"Then her childhood is no different. Just because you think that's a part of her life you think you should know about doesn't mean she needs to tell you about it. She has every right to not discuss it. It would be different if it was unresolved for her and causing difficulties in your relationship. It's not. You just went looking for a problem,"
"But my mind just keeps thinking "did they do this? What about this?"
"Chris, I'm sorry. But most likely. She went through that. And I know its heartbreaking," I started to cry. Imagining that little girl in the Christmas photo having her happiness striped from her.
"Oh, honey," my mom let me cry on her shoulder.
"I know. I know. But there's nothing you can do to change that. Like I said. Ariel went through what she did to become the woman you have now. She isn't trying to hide from you or keep things from you. She's protecting her peace. Protecting what makes her the woman you love,"
"I fucked up so bad, ma. She started crying. Pushed me away. I feel like a piece of shit," I rose up and wiped my face.
"You're not. It came from a good place,"
"What should I do? She blocked my number,"
"When I spoke to her she did say  it was because you filled up her voicemail and she needs that for work,"
"Damn it! I'm such a dumb ass,"
"Chris stop. She said she'll unblock," I got my phone out.
"Wait. Wait. You're a mess. Don't text her now,"
"Ma, I have to apologize,"
"Do you know what your apologizing for?"
"Prying. Blindsiding her. Telling her we can't have a future,"
"You said that?!"
"I- I was mad she pushed me away when I tried to hug her,"
"Gosh Chris. The Gemini in you just has to create a problem when there's none,"
"Yeah, it's not excuse. I understand if she doesn't take me back. I just want her to know I'm sorry,"
"I'm going to cook. You need to focus on what you need to say to her,"
"I'm a sorry piece of shit. Take me back,"
"Less pathetic," I chuckled.
"Thanks, ma,"
I looked at the photo my mom put on the mental of Ariel and I at Thanksgiving. This isn't supposed to end here. I decided to text her.