Chapter XXIII - Tears of Sorrow

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"Merlin," Arthur sighed in relief, hugging his friend tightly.

It was the moment when the warlock vented his emotions. He fell apart, but not wanting to show it to others, he hid his face in Arthur's arm. The chill of the armour on his forehead soothed the pain in his head. He had witnessed such events before, but this time, the enormity of the damage and loss was terrifying. Almost every house has been destroyed by Saxons. People of Camelot had nowhere to return to.

All the dead bodies, both Camelot and Kent knights, have been brought to the main square. In the meantime, Arthur told Merlin to go and help with the injured while he and his soldiers would be taking care of the fallen. So the warlock headed towards the infirmary where Gaius, Guinevere and her maid had their hands full.

"Thank god, Merlin," said Gaius as the warlock walked into the chamber. "You're all right."

"Gaius," he mumbled, looking around at all the injured. He was terrified that there were so many of them, and more were dead. "It was… a complete nightmare."

The physician didn't know what to say. He has never seen his apprentice like that before.

"What happened, Merlin?" he asked, walking over to him. "Does Arthur…," he began but Merlin shook his head immediately.

"No, Arthur's fine," the warlock said, nodding his head. "It's Vortimer."

Gaius sighed. "I'm so sorry, Merlin," he pulled him into a hug. "I really am."

"He was like a friend to me," said Merlin, his voice breaking.

"You've always seen good in everyone. I wish I could've done the same," the physician pulled away and looked at the warlock's face. "But he died in a fight for the place that was to be his home."

"No, his life has been taken from him dishonourably," Merlin walked to one of Camelot's knights to change a blood-soaked dressing. He had to do something to keep his mind off it.

"Merlin," Gaius' voice stopped him; "if you want to help you can't do it in that state," he said looking at his apprentice who was all covered in dirt and blood. "Bring my medicine bag too. I need to keep an eye on them," he motioned at the knights.

The warlock nodded and headed to the physician's chamber. He closed the door behind him and blissful silence came over him. He looked around and found a bowl of water on the table, probably Gaius left it in the evening to wash before going to sleep. Unfortunately they didn't get a chance to do it, neither wash nor sleep. Merlin dipped his hands in cold water and began rubbing them. The liquid quickly changed its shade from crystal clear to red as he cleaned his hands. He sniffed and grabbed a cloth burying his face in it. His shoulders jerked with a sob. It took him a moment to collect himself and when he wiped his face and looked at the window, a new day had already dawned.

Leaving, he took the cloth and Gaius' bag and went straight to the courtyard, tossing the physician his medications on the way. He walked outside and saw rows of bodies put one next to another. The sight was similar to when pestilence swept across Camelot. Merlin passed between them, looking among all the familiar knights' faces for the one he saw every day. And every one of them looked the same. After a moment he finally spotted him. He kneeled down and glanced at his peaceful face. There was one thing the warlock didn't see before, and it became clearer as he looked closer. There was a trace of dried tears on Vortimer's cheeks. Merlin took the cloth and wiped his friend's dusty face.

"It's not fair," Merlin whispered. "I hope you will find the longed-for peace where you are now," he said and walked away to look for Arthur.

At Merlin's request, Vortimer was buried in a separate grave near the Darkling Woods. Later, the warlock visited Kilgharrah and Aithusa and told them about Vortimer's death. Both of them expressed their regrets. Merlin learnt from them that the dragons were disturbed by the Saxons and that they were afraid about their safety in Camelot. It was hard especially for Aithusa who wanted to be free, but with Vortigern's army there hunting for her it wasn't possible. The battles between two kingdoms didn't help either.

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