The King's New Toy - (Part 1 of the Ignaius-Saga)

Recovery

Tanier didn't know, how long he had held the other man. How long he had gently kissed him, rubbed little circles and invisible patterns on his soaked skin and ran his fingers through his hair. It felt like waking up from a deep sleep or rather a most captivating dream and he suddenly found himself kneeling on the floor, his knees aching, a body limp in his arms. The floor was cold and uncomfortable. They were both a mess. Carefully he moved and his legs hurt even more. Even his voice sounded strange to him, when he spoke: "Let's get up, falling asleep on the floor won't do us any good." He pulled himself up and onto the couch and helped Variel to do the same. He still held him as he reached for a glass of water and held it to the boy's lips: "Drink!"

As with all orders, Variel didn't need to be told twice, but this time he felt a great need for the refreshing liquid. He drank greedily to try and sooth his throat, and it helped quite a bit. He finished three-fourths of the glass and then lay his head against Tanier's chest. "...Thank you so much for coming to me tonight, Your Majesty. Words... cannot describe the relief I feel in light of this visit." It meant that the little glimmer of happiness that was within his reach had not been so cruelly snatched away, and he was determined to hold onto it more tightly this time.

Tanier did not think anyone could feel more relieved than himself. Or more thankfull. Or more undeserving. He was painfully aware how he had almost messed this up. "There is no need to thank me. It is I who has to thank you for allowing me to do these things to you. I understand that you enjoy what we do. But this does not diminish any of it. Quite the contrary. It is your enjoyment and your willingness that makes it precious."

Tanier was thoughtful, even vulnerable beyond anything Variel had seen from him before. The king was not quite sure, what was happening, but still tried to explain: "I hurt people quite often. But never for my enjoyment. At least I hope so. I have to hurt people. I do not sit on the throne to be a nice man. I do it for the benefit of the realm. This is something that is bigger than you or me. I have to hurt people, when I do not want to, and I have to smile, when I want to punch them in the face. And when I have to hurt people that I want to punch in the face, I have to be careful to not get carried away. You offer me a freedom that I rarely have. I am scared right now. I am scared that I may enjoy this too much and loose control. I am scared that your trust in me may be misplaced."

There it was. Probably he should not lay this burden at Variel's feet, as it was his to carry. Yet he felt lost and who else could help him?

Variel Alturus had always considered himself a logical man, level-headed - for the most part - and down-to-earth. A realist. Thus, the knowledge that King Tanier was afraid of something should not have surprised him. The man was human, no matter how much power he held. Humans had fears and vulnerabilities, no matter how well they disguised or overcame them.

However, hearing this confession brought on an unmistakable feeling of disbelief. It just didn't seem right. He knew he had to get over that, because it seemed the older man was looking for some kind of response from him. He couldn't exactly offer any advice, but to share in these feelings seemed the best course of action. Besides, to hear that he truly was something so special to the king - even if it had been said in another way before - cleared away any feelings of doubt he might have had about thsi situation.

Slowly, Variel sat back so that he could look up at the king, though he didn't move too far away. "Sire, I... must admit this whole situation has... baffled me. I have always shied away from pain and threatening situations... It contributed greatly to why I could never get the hang of swordplay. I would always flinch and was afraid to go on the offensive, because I knew I would wind up with bruises or worse. But..." He trailed off, trying to think of how to say this; he was already blushing at the idea of talking about it. "...Here... with you... like this, I... I enjoy it. I don't understand why, but the danger and the pain... it excites me... I've heard of a lot of people who enjoy giving pain, but... I always thought that people who enjoyed receiving it were... sick in the head..."

When Tanier heart Variel's confession, he grinned like a madman. This was brilliant. "So..." he concluded, still grinning widely, "we are both doing something we are afraid of and we both enjoy it beyond believe. On top of this, we both feel like we are out of our depth and going too far too fast, right?" It was surprising how his mood had changed. It was completely crazy, yet it made sense perfectly. "So we are in this together, and this is not a bad thing." He sighed and calmed down. His eyes were shining like he had found something that amused and interested him.

"I can promise you that I won't be careless. And I am not exactly ignorant with some of this. I mean playing with pleasure and pain, tying someone up and enjoy the rush of power. But I never felt so much compelled to push the limits and so free to loose myself in it. Can you promise me something in return: That you will not give in to me, should I ever put my pleasure before your wellbeing? Not even, if you want to. Can you promise me this?"

Perhaps it shouldn't have been, but Variel found this to be a very tough question. He should have just said 'I promise' and been done with it, but he didn't want to give Tanier any false impressions. He stared at his own hands, which were resting against the other man's chest while they talked. At last, after some consideration, he said what was on his mind and gave the best assurance he could.

"Sire, I'm... afraid I don't yet know my limits, but... I will do my best to ensure that I don't let things go too far. I promise that if I believe I might be headed for serious injury, even if I am enjoying what we do, I will use my judgement as best I can and tell you." He knew well that this man could do whatever he wanted to him without repercussions, but the king was telling him to resist if it was necessary. To Variel, this was all the reassurance he needed to believe his world alone would be enough. Refusing or even fighting his king was a very daunting prospect, so he hoped this could be accomplished without any unnecessary struggle.

Tanier took Variel's hands and kissed them. "Your well being still is and always will be my responsibility. But I may need your help to know, when I am going too far. More than that, I need you to understand that this is a limit I want you to respect. If you allow me to overstep this boundary, you may hurt yourself, but you will surely hurt me."

He still held Variel's hands. He felt strangely exhausted, yet very happy. "Let's go to bed," he suggested. "It's been a long day."

He placed a light kiss on Variel's lips, then he got up and started to undress. He shouldn't spent his night in Variel's bed. Too easily the rumour could spread and could be seen as him taking sides. But right now he didn't give a damn. So much for going too far.

Variel only nodded to solidify his understanding of their terms. Then, he felt his heart sore when the king apparently decided to stay the night with him. HIs eyes lit up and he nodded eagerly this time, undressing right alongside him and then crawling onto the mattress. He folded the comforter down for the both of them and slipped underneath. "I'm so happy you're staying with me tonight, sire," he muttered, deciding to give voice to this feeling even if it came out a bit childish. He had of course fallen asleep beside this man before, but that had been in a bed simply designated for frivolity. This was his bed and his room, and while it was in Tanier's palace and he had the right to sleep wherever he wanted, the significance of this decision was not lost on the young man.

Of course, it could have been that the man was too tired to bother going anywhere else, but Variel willfully ignored that possibility .

Tanier slipped into bed, right at Variel's side. One arm he put under his head, the other he put possessively around the young man. He bid him good night, leaned his head against Variel's and was fast and sound asleep.