Twenty

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I don't think it's a cold I've got.

It hurts.

It hurts to breathe. 

It hurts to cough.

I have phlegm stuck in my chest, thick and cakey and it doesn't fucking shift when I try to hack it up. It hurts my head, throbs pounding against my skull. It makes me go red and blotchy in the cheeks and tears to spring to my eyes and my breath is pretty much non existent.

It hurts so fucking much to breathe! I can barely catch my breath in a single movement. One little lift of my arm and I feel exhausted. 

I stumble my way out the dark room of my bedroom and into the bathroom for a piss. I cough into my hand, the taste of mucus in the back of my throat that it makes my stomach roll unpleasantly.

I go for a wee and wash my hands. I grip onto the sink side when a wave of dizziness tilts the world. I take a shallow breath in, open the door and walk out into the front room where Louis is sitting cross legged with Zayn, the pair cutting shapes in green and red card, linking them together to make paper chains and bunting.

"I thought you were an atheist," I admit, my voice sounding tired and stuffy. 

Louis frowns when he looks up at me. He's got his onesie on, the hood propped up, fringe sticking out from beneath. He opens his arms out and I fall into his lap. "I am," He mumbles, swaying us gently side to side and rubbing my back. "Baby doesn't look too well."

I shake my head. "'M not. I feel like death. Why do you love Christmas so much if it's to celebrate a guy that caused you pain?"

He sighs. "It's not about him, Curly. It's about the traditions my family do. I don't give too shits about Jesus, I like Christmas as it's a time for pretty lights and family and most importantly, presents."

"Roasts are banger too," Zayn pipes up. "I remember going to Niall's for Christmas once and his mum made the best goose fat roasted potatoes and, my God I was about to orgasm on the spot. More than Liam does for me."

Louis snorts and I choke on a cough. I gag at the end of it and a shiver cascades down my spine. Louis coos, kissing my neck and pulling my hair back.

"My poor baby. Go back to bed, love," He mumbles to me.

I shake my head, heart thumping erratically with the exhaustion. "No. I want to stay with you, it gets lonely."

I turn in his lap so I'm facing Zayn and I grab the card, cutting strips out of some and linking them together in a red and green chain. Zayn takes the chain I've made and begins drawing cute reindeer outlines in Sharpie, brows creased in concentration. I see Louis' tongue sticking out slightly in concentration whilst he tries to make the strips straight.

He sighs, throwing a strip down onto the floor. "I cut as straight as I am!" He yells out, making me wince from the banging in my head.

"You're not," Zayn points out.

Louis picks up the strip. "Exactly my point, Z! Look how fucking bad that is? It's so much thicker at the bottom than the top!"

I take the strip from him, making it neater and handing it back to him. He blows a raspberry into my cheek and ruffles my hair. 

"Thanks, Curly." 

"Where's Marie?" I ask, noticing her absence.

Zayn puts sellotape on his knee so he can access it easier than trying to find the end of the roll. "Her, Liam and Niall went to go get dinner. Pizza I think they went to get. Or Chinese, one of the two, can't remember which one we decided on in the end. I'm happy with a supreme pizza or a chicken chow mein to be completely honest."

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