My Gay Roommate (L.S)

Forty Two

"Harry!" a sweet little voice cheers, pitter patter of feet getting closer and closer until I'm being bundled onto, two sets of bodies pressing tightly against my chest, hands wrapping around my neck.

"We missed you!" Daisy tells, faux pout on her face before she breaks into a huge grin. "Lou told us you were going to come today, we've been waiting ages."

I stroke her hair back and wait for the pair to get off me so I can stand. Louis helps me up from the floor, wrapping his arm around my waist.

"Well, go on you two, let us in so we can go do our nails, yeah? Harry's ones are chipping," Louis insists, taking me to the front room once I've kicked off my shoes and brushed out my skirt. 

"What colour do you want, Harry?" Phoebe asks me, dumping the bag of nail polish onto the floor.

I wave a hello to Lottie—Fizzy being at her friend's house for the day— sitting down cross legged onto the floor.

"Hmm... pink, I think," I decide, fanning my fingers out.

Phoebe nods enthusiastically, turning her head over toward Daisy who's coming into the room with the nail polish remover and some cotton pads.

"What colour did he choose?" Daisy asks Phoebe, flopping onto the floor in front of Lou.

My stomach drops and I feel slightly sick at that. My head screams at me, we are girly today, girly! She, she, she!

I don't want to make a scene, so I keep quiet, chewing my bottom lip until I can taste the tinge of blood.

Louis places a hand on Daisy's. "Dais, love, Harry today would like to be called by girl pronouns, okay?"

Daisy tilts her head much like Phoebe is doing. "What do you mean?" she ponders.

Louis looks to me and gives me a reassuring smile before looking back over toward the twins. "So she would like to go by she and her. So when you talk about her, you use she and her, like we do for you and your sisters."

"Oh."

"How come h–she is going by girl names now?" Phoebe looks to me, then back to Louis, confusion written all over her face.

It makes me feel a little, I don't know, guilty? For making them feel so confused.

"Because sometimes, Harry enjoys being in a body that makes her feel comfortable. Sometimes boy body makes her feel unhappy, and sometimes she enjoys going by neutral pronouns like they and them because it makes her feel happy not having to label if she's feeling more boy than girl." Louis tucks a strand of hair behind Phoebe's ear.

I've been to therapy for more than two weeks now, and Paul giving me reassurance much like Louis does, about how I'm allowed to be more than one gender, has given me more and more confidence in exploring that part of myself. I did a shit ton of research on it online, and found out that the name for it is gender fluid, meaning I can be whoever the fuck I want to be whenever it feels fit for me, and that gives me more reassurance than anything, that I'm not the only one who feels like this and that it actually has a name.

"Good on you, Harry," Lottie says sincerely, giving me a smile. "It's nice to see people finding out who they really are inside."

A blush coats my cheeks.

Daisy's eyes widen. "So Harry is really a princess today?" she gasps.

Louis giggles into the back of his hand. "I guess you could say that, yes. But to me, she's always a princess." He gives me a wink before straightening. "Right, Daisy-doos, which colour shall I go for today?"