Cold and Ash

Chapter 7

I went to visit James after leaving Mr. Oliver's house. I was too overwhelmed and needed some advice. I proceeded in the downtown direction. Smoke was flying everywhere and the chill of autumn air was making my hands freeze as I rubbed them together.

How will I explain to James that the very man that had put him in Jail was the same one that I had to rely on to make ends meet? Embarrassment and guilt filled me. I didn't want to live comfortably while James was rotting in jail but what choice did I have? Could I risk Alis's future? Mom was getting weaker by the day too, when she had been working to sell baked goods. If we went back to that again, I didn't think she would make it.

On my arrival, the guard let me in. The cells were filthy and rotten food was spilled everywhere. James was sitting in a corner inside the cell room. "James" I called. He smiled but his eyes seemed a little dimmer. I tried not to show my despair by seeing him like this, his face was completely hollowed out. All around I could hear violent voices and men slamming into each other. I flinched when I heard a scream.

Looking at me, James shook his head.

"How many times have I told you not to come here?" he said.

"Have you ever known me to listen to your advices?" I said teasing him. "Here, I brought you food and some warm clothes,"

"I don't want them," James said looking away.

I became angry. "Why are you punishing yourself?"
He remained silent.

"You didn't do anything! The building was saved before it got destroyed! No lives were lost!"

James' eyes flashed. "The building was only saved because of Mr. Arthur, Ash. As much as I hate him, if he wasn't there, people would have died," He finished, looking away.

"That's not true," I whispered. I tried to hold his hand but he moved it away.

"You would never have taken away a life, James. You would have stopped the fire before it hurt anyone. I know that!"

He didn't say a word. I grew frustrated and started pacing.

"You don't tell me anything! How did you even wind up in this scheme anyways? What had you hoped to achieve!"

"I wanted them to suffer just as much as we had," He said snapping. "Don't worry about me anymore, I will get out of here," He said with determination. I wanted to kick and scream but I calmed myself and sat down.

"I am here to tell you something.." I began. He was looking at me but I didn't think he was truly there. "I have been employed by Mr. Arthur as a governess," I said quickly and looked away.

Again the torturous silence, I reached out and touched his hand.

"I never wanted this to happen! But I feel stuck and I am not sure what to do. I am so tired of him but I am more tired of fighting," I admitted. "Please, say something.." I begged, searching his eyes.

James didn't say anything for a while and just rubbed his face. "Fine, work for him but if that bastard tries to do something. I will kill him with my own hands when I get out." He said gritting his teeth.

"You don't want me to reject this offer?" I asked, shocked.

"Why would I?" I stared at him in disbelief.

"Because of what he did to you!" I snapped.

"Because of what he did to me?" James said shaking his head. "I did plan to burn down that building Ash, in my rage I know I would've done it," he said with resignation. "I did this to myself when I joined that union."