Cold and Ash

chapter 24

The sunlight gently trickled into the drawing room as I sat by the window and stared at the greenery outside. But I could hardly enjoy it. Miss Caroline's glare was fixed on me for some time, but I didn't pay any heed to it. She was probably curious about me knowing Mr. Arthur. Meeting him again and to pretend that we didn't know each other was a torture of its own kind. He hadn't sought me out again yesterday, even though he had plenty of opportunity. He seemed to adjust to everything far quicker than I thought as something like bitterness raised within me. He was indifferent to me again, and I couldn't tell how much of it was true and how much of it a mask. It felt like I was trapped in a never ending cycle of loss as I had watched him quietly greet more people and give his full attention to them and I had just watched from the sidelines, completely invisible.

My heart had been tightly constricted, the entire time. It was as if I was under a spell. I wanted to see him and talk to him even more now that we couldn't.

I didn't understand my feelings, may be it was because I missed everything and everyone. I missed him. I missed my mother, and I missed James. I missed the familiarity of a house and the town I grew up in. Everything was unfamiliar and uncertain now.

I blinked and tried to get my mind off my thoughts. They led nowhere. I asked Miss Caroline finally, "Is something the matter?"

"Not at all dear," She said but didn't stopped glaring. I sighed in relief anyways.

"I don't wish to pry of course," She said and then paused. "But I cannot help but think, you knew Mr. Arthur far more familiarly yesterday then you let on."

I tried not to show anything on my face as I said, "No mam. We have barely met when I worked there as a governess."

She didn't stopped looking at me, her eyebrow was raised.

"He didn't even remember me," I added.

"He couldn't stopped staring at you, " She said in a bewildered voice. My cheeks pinked, and I looked away. My face was now loosing its indifference. If she had noticed this, what about his father? And what if she said something about this to anyone else. I had to convince her of something.

"I think you're mistaken, even if he was staring, it was probably because he thought it was curious that you were gracious enough to let someone with no future prospects stay with you," I said in a monotone voice.

Satisfied with the explanation, she said while smiling, "You're probably right."

Alis barged into the room and smiled at me. Her eyes twinkled as her off white gown swayed with her hair. Miss Caroline on noticing her presence said, "Alis have dinner with us today. Mr. Louis is coming, and I want everyone to be present and be at their upmost best behaviour," She as looked pointedly at us.

Alis nodded as she sat opposite to me on the chair that was placed in front of the window. Miss Caroline opened a book and started reading.

Alis turned to me, "I am unfortunately going to be quite sick tonight. Will you be able to handle it alone?" she asked while whispering. Her green eyes were pleading with be to agree. I nodded silently trying to stifle a groan. She grinned at me before abruptly standing up and leaving the room.

I got up to get some papers and sat on my seat again. I rubbed my temple as I opened them. I was planning to ask Mr. Louis's to help me with my accounts. I was going to ask for his help for the documents that were needed to sell the house and also to recommend me an affordable lawyer. I didn't need him to know the reasons.

I dipped my pen in the ink as I started writing a letter to James.

Dear James,

I recently received Miss Edith's letter, and I am happy to learn your doing better. But that doesn't mean your health will be fine the longer you stay there. You can be put up for hard labour duty again, and might not survive this time. I won't take a chance on your life ever again, not after losing mom. I have decided to use the money I earned as a governess, my dowry and the money that I will get by selling the house to get a lawyer. We can shift to a smaller cottage later. The lawyer doesn't need to be the very best, an adequate will work just fine. Please don't be alarmed J. I am doing this now because I have the funds. I am doing this out of my free will, and I don't want you to feel guilty or try to dissuade me. We will appeal the court's decision and get you a pardon. Even if we don't have the best resources, I have to try. We have to try. I cannot live with myself without trying ; you would've done the same for me.

Your sister,

Ash.

I took a deep as I folded the letter and stood up to give it to the footman. Miss Caroline didn't know of our situation. She didn't know he was in jail and if she found out I was penniless, I had no doubt she will cast me off even more quickly. I had to ask Mr. Louis for help at a time when she wasn't around. I didn't want anyone's suspicion to derail me.

I had set money aside that will pay for Alis's education for at least a year now. I will soon have to head back and start working hard again. Preferably as a governess so I would have a place to stay. After that I will buy a smaller house where we could all stay. Once Alis is graduated, she will have better chances to marry well. I would have to then work only to sustain myself. I tried swallow any fears that crept up as I made these risky decisions, but the truth was—it was all a gamble, and the cause was definitely worth it.

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We were sitting at the dining table quietly.
Somehow Miss Caroline had dragged Alis to the dining room after all. Mr. Louis seemed completely focused on his plate. I chewed slowly, avoiding all eye contact with Miss Caroline. She had been going on and on about the weather for awhile now as we all nodded in silence.

"Mr. Louis, how is your work going on?" asked Miss Caroline anxiously and stared at him.

He chewed even more slowly this time, after he had swallowed, he picked up his glass to drink water. Then after cleaning his face with the napkin, he finally said,

"Fine." His face was completely blank. He didn't look up at anyone as he answered. He was the quietest man I had seen. Either his mind was completely blank or completely lost in his own thoughts. But since he was a solicitor, the latter probably was more likely.

Alis snickered, and I looked down to keep the grin of my face. It seemed as if Mr. Louis was the opposite of Miss Caroline. Miss Caroline tightly smiled and before she could say anything else, Alis turned to him,

"Would you like some more water Mr. Louis?" She asked with amusement. He glanced at her very briefly and was quiet for some moments, when Miss Caroline started to say something agin, he turned to Alis and said quietly,

"I would."

Alis keeping the grin off her face, stood up to put some water in his glass, the butler was no where to be seen. He probably ran away before Miss Caroline demanded him to bring the fifteenth dish of the night.

"How is your case faring sir?" It was Miss Caroline who asked.

"Which one?" he asked as his eyes snapped up from his food.

"Umm... Anyone of your cases."

"Well there is an inheritance dispute I settled after two long years and then there are unsettled cases regarding theft, divorce, politics and so on. I will probably reach a conclusion soon enough on them too," He said as his eyes took on a hazy appearance. This was the most I heard him speak. I breath a sigh of relief. He would at least talk with me regarding my documents.

"So very interesting," Miss Caroline murmured.

"The justice system is so very remarkable ," she sighed dreamily "To give justice to all the victims of the world must be so fulfilling, isn't it Mr. Louis?"

Mr. Louis didn't seem at all enthusiastic anymore.

"The justice system isn't what it seems. There are trials, long waits, punishment and many a times unjust ones," He said solemnly. "It doesn't always mean Justice, Madame."

An awkward silence had settled, but I was staring at Mr. Louis now.

"I agree." I said quietly. He looked at me in surprise before looking down. I sighed. I really needed to talk to him alone. I suddenly remembered seeing him with Mr. Arthur yesterday, and I wondered if they were friends. I couldn't ask him in front of Miss Caroline.

We ate the rest of the dinner in silence and when he was leaving , I had my chance to talk.

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Ps. I have been very busy with tests and college and hospital. I haven't been using watt-pad at all! But I am back now.

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