Cold and Ash

chapter 12

"You have no idea," he rasped, "Nor do I for reasons of keeping you here."

I started shaking my head. I wanted him to say more ; to understand more. He moved away slightly, and looked at me.

"I don't want to make things harder for you," He said quietly and sincerely. "But I cannot give you what you want Miss Simpson."

I was shaking. Mr. Arthur was looking at me with something like devastation in his eyes which didn't make any sense.

"It is not within my power to have him released. It will have to be decided by law," He rasped. I thought he would say more, but he just stood there looking away. After a moment of standing there with nothing more said, I opened the door and left.

I was walking aimlessly down the dark hall. Candles were flickering with the storm outside. Hopelessness and something like grief were eating me up from inside. I was finally accepting the truth. Reality was laughing in my face. Did you think it would be so simple? One word and everything will be okay again? I was shaking as I reached the girls room and sat by the bed. There was no light in the room, and no noise. Only the silence of the night and loudness of my thoughts were there to keep me company. I didn't sleep for a very long while. The storm increased and windows rattled all night just like how stormy everything else had been.

I woke up with a start. Light was gently filling in the pastel blue room. The girl's beds were already made up and no one was inside. My thoughts were running wild. Mr. Arthur's revelation. Him leaning in... It didn't matter. He was drunk and was not thinking at all. Something like mortification washed over me. I hadn't asked him to move away when he had looked at me as if he didn't hate me at all. Surely, it was the alcohol that made him act that way and say the things he had. Miss Edith knocked on the door, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Oh you're up! Do come down and have breakfast with the master. Everyone is waiting for you downstairs," She said as she entered the room.

I was going to decline at first, but I had to face him eventually. I wasn't a coward. I nodded and got up to get ready.

As I walked down the staircase. I could hear loud talking and giggling coming out of the dining hall. I smiled and walked in. Mr. Arthur was sitting at the head of the table, with girls and Mrs. Harvey on one side and the table empty on the other side. As soon as I came into his sight, he looked up at me. I immediately looked away, unable to meet his eyes.

"There you are miss Simpson. Good morning!" Mrs. Harvey said smiling. The girls joined in.

I took the seat to the left of Mr. Arthur.

"Good morning to you too," I said smiling.

Mrs.Harvey cleared her throat pointedly and Mr. Arthur glanced at me.

"Good morning," He muttered.

I nodded and looked at my lap uncomfortably. Did he remember what had happened last night? He seemed comfortable enough. The girls started talking and Mr.Arthur joined in. I fiddled with my breakfast, not hungry at all. Suddenly something got stuck at my throat and I started coughing. Mr. Arthur poured me a glass of water and handed it to me. "Here."

As I took it, our hands touched and my eyes snapped to his. He immediately pulled away. Embarrassed I stood up.

"Are you alright honey?" Mrs. Harvey asked concerned. "You're turning quite red." I shook my head.

"I am fine.. Can I be excused?" She nodded in confusion, and I immediately went into the powder room. I was frustrated. What was wrong with me? Why had everything with Mr. Arthur became so much more unbearable. Letting myself calm down. I shook my head and left the room. Mr. Arthur was standing right in front me and his back was to me. God give me strength. I murmured and started walking away.