Cold and Ash

chapter 11

He was glaring at me but I needed to say something and this rivalry had gone too far already. The snow was still falling outside, the fire was cracking in the fireplace and it must be the sound of a log cracking in it that snapped me out of the trance I was in.

"I need my brother released Mr. Arthur, despite what happened, my family needs him and I need him..." I said in a blur.

I looked down, emotions of despair making it hard to speak or even look at him. I blinked repeatedly and continued, "You have no idea how sorry he is for even trying to pull such a crime but you must know it was out of pure desperation."

I looked up at him. Searching his eyes for any sign of understanding but he was staring down at the documents with his jaw tight. He was holding his face with one hand and tapping the pen on the table with the other.

After several moments of silence he rasped, "Didn't I tell you—you're not to be seen anywhere? go back to your room Miss Simpson."

"No, I won't," I said sternly and took a step forward. "Not before you give me answers."

He was silent for a moment and then said "You talk of your brother as if you do not even truly grasp the damage he would've caused or the power I even have to have him released."

He looked up at me then but his eyes were filled with frustration. "He could be released on a bail and even I don't have that kind of money. Nor the intention to do that." His eyes were defiant. Breathing was difficult and my hope started fading out. Who would help me? How long will James survive in that rotten place?

"You think you're brother is innocent and did this out of desperation?" Mr. Arthur suddenly said, snapping me out of my thoughts. I could see the anger rising in him as he stood up and started walking towards the bookshelves placed on the left side of the room. He started to touch the books absently and continued,

"You think if the crime was out of desperation it could be forgotten and forgiven that easily?" He said and turned towards me.

I gulped and realized he wouldn't help me in any way to release James, even if he could he wouldn't. what was I even thinking coming here, shaking my head in resignation, I didn't say anything as I grabbed the handle of the door to leave. But Mr. Arthur was there, placing his hand on the door, I could smell alcohol on his breath.

"Maybe if someone had forgiven my crimes that I committed out of desperation, I would have been more forgiving towards your brother,"  he said quietly.

Shocked I looked up at him. He glanced at me and went silent. For the first time, I could see he was saying the complete truth.

"What crime did you commit?" I prompted. Wanting him to say more. I was intrigued and scared that he would ask me to leave or not tell me everything.

"I lost everything, because I..." he trailed off, looking down. I didn't say anything. We were standing close to one another and this was hardly proper or an ideal situation. If Miss Edith or Mrs. Harvey would see us this late in the study, all hell could break loose. They could get the wrong impression.

Suddenly anxious, I started fidgeting with my hands. Mr. Arthur's eyes trailed off from my face to my hands and then suddenly, he placed his hands on top of my fidgeting ones. I was shocked at the warmth of his fingers and immediately started to pull away. My heart was beating faster and I was getting uneasy. Why would he do that? Mr. Arthur probably sensed my thoughts because he replied quietly and looked up at me with a confused expression on his face.

"I apologize, your hands were distracting me and I wasn't thinking." An awkward silence settled between us for a moment before he stepped back and moved away from me. Confused and dazed, I was frozen in place. I looked away, not sure if I should leave or if he would continue explaining what he had started. Everything about the situation was turning bizarre.