I Hate You But I Love You

24.

So it's been a while since I last updated. I've kinda felt a little insecure about my writing in the last weeks, since someone told me that my writing wasn't that great. But I've moved past that and here I am again. So just in time for Christmas I have a new chapter. Consider it a Christmas present from me to you😂 I hope you're all staying safe and healthy and are able to celebrate Christmas in the best way possible under the given circumstances. Merry Christmas to all of you🎄✨

It had been three days and Wanda had still not woken up. Natasha hadn't left her side during all this time, except for a few minutes to go to the toilet or change her clothes. The others had started to bring her food to the medbay because she didn't want to leave Wanda. Steve had come in a few times already, trying to get Natasha to rest but she wouldn't move.

Natasha raised her head from the bed to look at Steve, who had yet again just entered the room. Steve watched her for a few seconds. She looked tired, there were dark circles under her eyes and her hair seemed kind of messy. "Nat you should go to bed." He said after a while. She shook her head.

"I've told you before I can't leave her. I'm staying."

"Nat, you've been awake for over 30 hours, you really need to sleep." He said looking at her concerned. "I don't care. Even if I have to stay awake forever, for her I would do that whithout thinking about it twice. I love her Steve. I love her so much and I don't know anymore what to do whithout her. I need her. And she needs me, so I'm staying with her until she wakes up." She answered. "She wouldn't want you to do this to yourself, you know that right? She'd want you to take care of yourself." He said. "Don't tell me what she'd want as if she's dead. And yes maybe you're right, but I can't leave her. It's my fault she's here." Natasha said.

"Nat this is not your fault. Why would you even say that?"

"I shouldn't have let her go on her own. I should've stayed with her. I should've protected her. Or I should've worked harder to make her stay here or on the jet. I should've done something. But I did nothing and she almost died and I don't know when she'll wake up. Or if she'll even wake up." Natasha replied.
"Okay first, she will wake up. Just give her a little time. Second, Nat you did everything you could to protect her. It was her decision. This is our job, she knows the risks and so do you. We get hurt, that's just part of the deal." Steve said.

"Yeah but dying is not part of the deal. I've already lost so much, I can't lose her, too."

"And you won't. Bruce said she'll be fine. She lost a lot of blood, she just needs a little more rest, you'll see."

Natasha nodded at that but he saw she still wasn't completely convinced. He sighed but he knew there was nothing that could get Nat to believe him right now. So he squeezed her shoulder in reassurance before he left to get some sleep. Natasha stayed behind, her head laying on her arm close to Wanda's body while her free hand still clasped Wanda's hand in hers. "I love you Wanda, please come back to me." She whispered and kissed her hand softly. Tears were threatening to spill but she held them back. She had cried enough in the last three days.

It was close to noon of the fourth day when Wanda finally woke up. She looked around confused before she identified her surroundings as the medbay and her eyes landed on the sleeping form of Nat in a plastic chair right next to her bed. Natasha had passed out a few hours earlier from lack of sleep and the exhaustion that came with it. She had been awake for almost three days on end with just a few hours of sleep here and there before she was ripped from sleep yet again. But even while she was sleeping she didn't get good rest since all she dreamed about was Wanda. A stray strand of hair had slipped from her ear and Wanda debated with herself a few seconds before she carefully pulled her hand out of Nat's grasp and pushed the strand of hair back to its place. Natasha's eyes opened sleepily and her eyes raised to meet Wanda's loving gaze. In an instant she sat up, so fast, the room almost began to spin.

"You're awake!" She exclaimed happily. Then the tears began to fall. Wanda's smile dropped from her face as she watched her lover concerned. "I though I would loose you. I was so scared. I can't loose you Wanda." Natasha sobbed. "But you didn't. I'm still here." Wanda said. Natasha continued to cry. "He Nat... Nat baby look at me. I'm alive. I'm here. I won't leave you." Wanda said and took her hand to place it right above her rapidly beating heart. Natasha's sobs subsided but the tears were still running down her cheeks and dripping from her chin. "Feel that? I'm alive. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere." Wanda whispered.

A few tears had escaped her own eyes as she saw the fear written on Natasha's face. Natasha raised her head and they looked each other deeply in the eyes for e few seconds, while Wanda smiled at Nat reassuringly before Natasha surged forward and their lips met in a messy kiss. The force they collided with almost the breath out of both of them and Natasha's hands gripped the back of Wanda's shirt tightly to bring her closer. One hand slipped under the hem of Wanda's shirt to feel the warmth of her skin, to convince her that Wanda was in fact still alive while Wanda's hands cupped Natasha's cheeks and wiped away the tears that kept coming. The kiss was salty from both their tears but right in that moment, for them it was perfect. When they finally parted, Natasha inhaled in a shaky breath and leaned her forehead against Wanda's. With her eyes closed she savored the moment for a few seconds before she opened them again, looking at Wanda.

"Please don't ever leave me." She whispered.

"I won't. I promise. I love you too much for that."

Natasha kissed her again, this time with less force but her hands were still desperately gripping the back of Wanda's shirt to remind her that she was really there with her.

A few minutes later Bruce walked in. "Friday alerted me that you're awake. How are you feeling?" He asked. "I'm fine. I've had worse. It hurts a little but I'll survive." Nat made a face at that. "Sorry bad choice of words." Wanda said looking at her girlfriend.
"Alright then, that sounds good already. But you've been out for four days, so you're probably hungry. Nat why don't you get her something while I check her through?" He said towards Nat. Natasha looked towards Wanda hesitantly. "It's fine, I'll be with her the whole time. I just need to check her through. Nothing will happen to her." Bruce said smiling at Nat. She nodded and left to make Wanda something to eat.

When she came back with a tray that held a glass of water and some toast Bruce was already done checking Wanda through and they were talking a bit. "Alright then, I'll leave you two to it. Call me when something happens." He said when Natasha set the tray down on the nightstand. The two of them sat in silence for a while and Nat just watched Wanda eat. "You look pretty tired, haven't you been sleeping?" Wanda asked after a while. Natasha looked at her sheepishly. "You've been awake all this time haven't you? When I woke up up and you were sleeping, that was the first time you slept in days wasn't it?" Wanda said. Natasha looked at her for a few seconds trying to find some excuse before she gave in and nodded. Wanda sighed.

"Don't do this to yourself Nat. That's unhealthy."

"I couldn't sleep. I was scared something would happen to you while I slept."

"Oh baby. I'm so sorry. But now you know that I'm fine. You can sleep." Wanda said. "No I wanna stay with you." Natasha protested. "Come here then." Wanda said and padded the space next to her in the bed. She started to move over but hissed in pain as the her movements pulled on the stitches on her stomach. In an instant Nat was on her feet. Fear was again written on her face. "Don't move! You're hurting yourself." She said concerned. "No, no, I'm fine. I just need some help." Natasha eyed her still concerned.

"Really Nat, it's alright. Help me, please?"

Nat nodded shortly before she helped Wanda move over. Then she climbed into bed next to her and lied her head on Wanda's shoulder, which was uninjured. "Sleep. When you wake up I'll be here. I won't go anywhere." Wanda said, looking down on Natasha lovingly before kissing her on the forehead. "I love you." Natasha whispered before she closed her eyes. And the last thing she heard before she was asleep was Wanda saying "I love you, too."

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I don't really know when I can update the next chapter, so if you don't hear from me in the next few days, I'll wish everybody a Happy New Year 🎆 and see you next year then I guess. Hopefully 2022 will be a little better than this year.