𝙰𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚡𝚒𝚊 (stray kids x male reader)

Chapter 5

Y/ns pov
"I think we should talk"

Chan. I turn and look at him, he is starting directly at me. I don't know what I'm supposed to do in this situation so I nod and he stands up. I stand up after him and I follow him as he walks.

When we get to the door I slide my shoes on and when he opens the door I walk out. "We can go get the brownies and talk while getting them" he mumbles closing the door behind him.

We start walking in silence until we get to the elevator. "Why?" he asks looking straight ahead.

I look over at him. Why? Why what? He could be asking so many things and he says is why. "Pardon?"

We both step in the elevator, me on the left, him on the right. We are as far away from each other that we could be. I want to be right next to him and tell him I'm sorry.

I don't even have the guts to tell him or the guys that I'm their soulmate. I'm not sure why I even agreed to come, I could have just distanced myself from Minho and avoided him like I used to. They are all so happy and healthy. Me being with this will just bring them down. I see how Chan is with me right now, imagine if I told him. He would hate me more then he seems to right now.

"Why didn't you say anything before you left? You were there at your house one day and the next there was no trace of you. Everything was gone. Why didn't you tell me that you were moving?"

I can't tell him. He looked up to my mom a lot and I can't be the one to tell him that she is a manipulative, abusive bitch. "I wasn't allowed. I wanted to but I couldn't" I say fidgeting with the small ring on my finger. Jin bought me a ring that is supposed to help me calm my anxiety. Apparently it is useful.

He makes a noise and presses a button. The elevator stops moving. There are buttons that stop elevators? Why did I not know this? Not the time for that.

"What does that even mean?! You have completely avoided me since the year started and all you are giving me is vauge awnsers!" Chan practically yells as he turns his body towards me.

Chan puts the blame of everything on himself. He has since we were kids, something bad happens to me? He thought it was his fault. He was so determined to protect me and take care of me when we were young..

I lean against the wall and take a deep breath "I don't know if you want to hear the awnsers.."

Chan let's out a angered laugh and slides down the wall. He sits there and stares at me with a bitter look on his face. He is either going to say he wants nothing to do with me or he is going to continue to want awnsers. I'll have to give them to him.

"Y/n. Let me choose  what I can an can't handle."

I sit down on my side of the elevator and put my knees to my chest. Chan cares. Sometimes he cares too much and nothing can stop him from that. 

He always told me that he would be my soul mate. As kids we were stuck to each other at the hip, we didn't like to be away from each other. Chan started saying he would be my soulmate after his mom swore we would end up together one day. She wasn't wrong, neither of them were. But they don't know that. My memories with Chan are the only good ones I have. I hate that.

"I wasn't allowed to tell you that we were leaving because my mother is a manipulative bitch. I wanted to tell you so fucking bad but she told me not to and if I didn't listen I was hit! I didn't know we were leaving until the day before and the reason we left was because my mother got caught stealing from one of her clients and didn't want to get caught. My mother was never the kind, hardworking, sweet lady she acted as. In reality she was a ruthless, cruel, abusive, miserable lady who only cared about herself. That lady did more damage then good in this world. I wanted to come up to you when I first saw you, trust me I did. I wanted to come up to you and tell you that I was sorry that I disappeard and explain everything, but when seeing you I was hit with memories I tried to bury deap inside. You were the only good thing about my childhood and that hurts. Looking at you makes me unimaginably happy and sad. I didn't want to tell you that and pity me, I didn't want you to see me hurt"

He sits there blinking. I probably shouldn't have told him all of that at once. He stares directly at me. I can't tell what he is feeling right now, his facial expressions is not helping me in this situation. He look so confused and hurt.

"You-... I-." he stumbles on whatever he is trying to say. Did I break him..? I really did not mean to.

He closes his mouth and starts blinking again. I think I broke him. I have no clue what to do right now. I can't physically comfort him because.. Y'know. So I'll just stare back at him.

There is pure silence. No noise coming from me or him, just the sounds of our breathing. I hate silence..

"I-.. Are you okay?" I ask, it coming out barely above a whisper.

He blinks and nods. His hands are squeezed into fists "I'm okay. I'm pissed but I'm okay" he says taking deep breaths.

Is he pissed at me or at the situation? I genuinely have no clue. He isn't looking at me with hatred or disgust, he just looks angry.

"I'm not angry at you, I can't be angry at you.. I learned that a long time ago" he mumbles pulling himself up of the floor.

He can be angry at me.. It doesn't seem all that hard, many people get angry at me often.. I assume we are going to start moving so I stand up and start dusting myself off.

He taps the button again and after a minute then elevator starts moving again. I missed his company so fucking much. Being around chan was the highlight of my day and I kinda depended on it.

Chan turns his head towards me and clears his throat,  I turn my head and look at him. "No more avoiding. You and Jin are going to sit with us at the cafe often and you are going to actually talk to us. I don't know why you avoid us but no more. Understand?" he says keeping a straight face. I nod and he looks back ahead.

Holy fuck

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Word count:1993
I hope you guys enjoyed! Everyone is going to find out sooner then later and I am excited to write it! How do you guys feel about this chapter?