Sucker For Pain | t.h

Authors Note

Hi everyone

It's been quite a while. I've been really stuck on a writers block for the past two months because i'm gonna be honest, I don't really like this book.

I feel like Tom and Darcy's characters in this book are unlikable. I don't like the way that Tom switches the way the acts around Darcy all the time and the way it doesn't really make sense. I wanted Toms character to be this certain kind of person but it isn't really coming across.

I feel like Darcy does some annoying things that make some of you get annoyed with her because of what she does.

I had huge ideas for this book but now I just really want to rewrite it because I think the plot is a little bit stuck. I had these really cool plot lines plotted out for the book but i'm not sure how to get their. I feel like the plot isn't very clear. Things keep switching up.

Darcy and Toms relationship doesn't really make sense to me. One moment it seems like they're going somewhere romantically and he cares for her, the next it's like he's purposefully trying to make her scared. The jump between him being emotionless and then suddenly caring for her just happens so fast and I don't like that

I want to continue writing Waves but that book also doesn't seem very interesting so far, I don't like the aesthetic of it.

I don't really like the title of this book, there's so many things I want to change. I want to rewrite the beginning because I don't like the plot of waking up in a strangers bed, I feel it's overused and not very interesting.

I used to really like this book because I felt it had a lot of potential but as time goes on, the plot seems to fade and repeat. Everything seems dull.

If you have anything to comment on about the book, please let me know your thoughts.

Onto other matters!

No Way Home looks insane! The trailer looks amazing and I haven't gotten tickets yet and i'm worried that I won't be able to see it on the day that it comes out since it's so in demand. I can't wait to see it.

I'm 100% sure that Toby and Andrew are in it.

I'm infatuated with Henry Cavill 🧍🏻‍♂️

I was watching the Graham Norton episode for Tom and then saw Henry and went WHAT.
I was freaking out that Tom and Henry were in the same room and were like interacting.
Geralt is my comfort character <3

A lot of exciting things are happening in my life which is really cool! I finally feel like I have some sort of purpose to my life. Before it felt like I was just existing and just going on with life doing the same thing over and over.

I didn't really have things to look forward to and now I do!

A lil therapy session real quick cause I gotta get stuff off my chest 😃

My best friend had her first kiss and it was really romantic and I cried because I was jealous. My first kiss wasn't very romantic and I cried after it happened. I felt bad for crying cause I felt selfish for being jealous of her. I wasn't with her, she told me over text so she didn't see me cry. I was really happy for her and didn't want her to know that I cried, cause that wouldn't be the right thing to do.

Some of us just aren't as lucky as others.

I confronted my ex who I had my first kiss with who lowkey sexually assaulted me (He kissed me when I told him not to) (He's also the one I had the first kiss with) and he said he didn't remember any of it. He said the last time we saw each other he would tell I didn't want to do sexual things so we didn't, which is an absolute fucking lie, cause he stuck his hand down my pants just before I left so that he could "Get a feel."

I apologize for just ranting about this, I just feel like I can't tell anyone else.

I haven't been with someone in two years and watching everyone around me get into relationship and finding love is so painful. Especially when I spend 99% of my time fantasizing about romance. I want to be in love so bad but it's so hard to find someone cause my standards are so high.

I don't want to bring my standards down because i've dealt with so many bad guys and I don't want that again.

I also literally only like older men because I don't trust guys my age. My mind immediately assumes that any guy my age that wants to talk to me just wants to get into my pants, or that they're misogynistic, racist, homophobic, sexist, ect, because so many guys my age are.

I'm also unable to form an attraction to anyone without knowing them which makes me get attracted to celebrities because I can easily look up if they're problematic or what they're like in person. With someone in real life, you can't do that.

I've downloaded teen dating apps because i'm just so tired of being alone, but I literally find myself being interested in no one.

I'm so tired of being told that i'll find someone eventually.

Anywho, just had to get that out of my system. 

How are you all doing?
If you need to rant about anything, feel free to do so. It's good to just let everything out.
This is a safe space to just clear your head and be as angry or as happy or as sad or anything about anything that you're thinking and want to rant about.

I love you all so much <3

🌙