Comprehension

Stoicism

Who am i to have this beastling of
a women fall to her knees for me?
I can feel it in your hesitance , I hear it in the waver in your voice ,in the way you speak in whispers. It's too much pressure , the way you see me ,like I am unbreakable ,like I do not shatter when loves visit has come to an end. I hate when people do this , narrate me in a firm manner ,like they know my character ,like they see not the cracks in my exterior (this nonchalant perception). I don't want you to look at me this way , please don't give me those eyes. Don't smile at me like we're thirteen ,and it's the first time you've layed eyes on my easy grin. Don't smile at me like a flower_ and now the time has come for me to kick you out, when it was not I who gave you permission to enter MY garden of love. But there is so much good inside of you ,and despite myself I wish with all my heart that it could beat for you. It does not ,I can't make it ,I'm too human ,I apologize. It hurts in a different way ,in the way that i know I can't love you despite my capability , in the way that it kills me to kill you my love. It's too much pressure ,don't come home for me ,for I will leave you as empty as every 'happy home' I've seen. I was never for you ,no matter how much you wanted me to be. And that is the best I can do for you ,as I would hope any other lover would do for me. I can tell you that I love you ,that I miss you ,but not mean it in the way that I want to get caught up in you and i ,AGAIN
Who am I to have this beastling of
a women fall to her knees for me?
IT'S TOO MUCH PRESSURE

         
            -Liyah smith