"That's not what your mom said"
"I wanna die, can you show me"
"Sussy-baka"
"My boisssssss"
"The blood of my victims"
"If I get another scam call, I'm gonna answer and say 'We've been trying to contact you about your car's extended warranty' and just see what happens"
"If League of Legends is toxic, then Smash Bros. is acidic"
"It went from A to the quadratic formula"
"Oh yeah my mam's a horse"
"Hannah, your nail's on the ground"
"It's not the bomb.com, more like the bomb.ie"
"That's kinky"
"So I may have accidentally read smut"
"DON'T ASK HOW"
"Disney knew what they were doing when designing this family"
"Bruno is crusty, dusty and musty from living in the walls for 10 years, but he's still hot"
[casually third-wheels while reading fanfiction]
"Your mom"
"WHY THE FUCK IS HE FICTIONAL?!"
"Dear Universe, is this too much to ask? Sincerely, me"
"Someone call BTS because that was smooth like butter"
"YOU BETRAYED ME AND I KNOW THAT YOU'LL NEVER FEEL SORRY"
"I don't wanna be single anymore, but that means I can't date a fictional character"
"I have standards, and real people can't even see how high they are"
"Girl, just turn on Olivia Rodrigo and call it a night"
"I just made a whole fandom cry. Nice"
"His voice just scratches my brain in all the right places"
"I'm going through my MatPat phase again and I don't think I can escape this time"
"I had a nightmare that I showed the quotes for my English CBA. I just read them out to everyone. I woke up crying"
"Help-"
"Ew"
"I'm still shaking. What-"
[with a deadpan expression even though I find something genuinely funny]
"That is actually so funny"
"James Corden was EVERYWHERE"
"Um.... chile anyways so..."
"AnyGays"
"I'm done with life. I genuinely am"
"Y'know, words can hurt. But so can being pushed out of a tree"
"I am literally going to drop kick him"
"It was funny when I did it but this is just crossing the line"
[stress-sings 'The Whole Being Dead Thing' from the Beetlejuice Musical]
"Who the fuck is Kylo Ren?"
"Well clearly you don't have an air fryer"
"I'm sorry. I'm not funny. I'll show myself out"
"Literally kill me"
"Potassium! Ew!"
[yeets banana peel]
"Fire trucks are red.... Amen"
"Put that on a t-shirt"
"Y'know, chase your dreams, but don't fall off a cliff"
[the following 4 quotes is what i said while watching The Babysitter movie on Netflix]
"Cole, you dumb fuck"
"This isn't Home Alone"
"Samuel and John didn't deserve this. What did they do?"
"That was really good aim but still what the fuck?"
"Magna carta"
"I'm an asshole"
"I may or may not have almost broke my nose in the middle of Paris airport while trying to buy a Remy the Rat plush but you can't prove anything"
"Haha, nice"
"I wanna be a villian so bad"
"My boob fell out"
"Two words: Hawaiian Mario"
"I'm disabled"
"Suck my left toe at a 13° angle"
[casually trauma dumps on Ollie in the middle of french]
[has a panic attack in maths]
"Shakespeare really said gay rights"
"We're like Romeo and Juliet. We're not in love, we're just fucking stupid"
"Aw, he's got a date... I hope he gets his dreidel spinned"
"It looks clotted... wait, you don't know what that means"
"It's called 'a Bluetooth period' "
YOU ARE READING
my friends are funnier than me
Humorhere's a bunch of ✨inspirational✨ quotes me, my friends and a bunch of other people have said Highest Rankings: #1 in inspirationalquotes
