Hetalia One-Shots

She Took it Like A Man

Based off a song I heard on the radio the other day and thought it fit these dysfunctional nincompoops. Also please forgive the name of the band if you look it up, it is just a good song.
—————————————————————————————

Ivan was busy getting ready to break up with Amelia. She had said that leninade was not a luxury beverage and he couldn't see why they needed to be together with that shocking difference.

However, he did have some issues with it. He knew she was terribly in love with him. If he broke up with her it would tear her apart. Amerika was a delicate sunflower after all.

He could just imagine her face falling and the water works would be more than a Siberia full of melted snow. He would hug her and tell her reassuring statements that all the leading men in the movies they watched always said. And she would look up lovingly and confess her undying love despite him leaving. And then- his romantic fantasy was interrupted when Amelia came in from outside. It was the middle of summer in Michigan. He had insisted that they stay in one of her northern states so he wouldn't get heat stroke again.

She was as covered in grease and oil from working on her drag racing car. Her hair was tied up with a bandana into a neat military bun. She swung open the fridge to grab a Beer. Of course, it was one of those American piss beers. If Wisconsin ever found out he thought that, Ivan was going to Detroit.

He watched her crack it open and down half of it to wipe her mouth on her arm with a burp. She really was a magnificent woman, and he surely wouldn't be able to find another like her yet, she hated lenininade. An irreparable tear in their relationship.

He sighed, she was going to cry. He prepared himself to comfort her. He walked to sit at the bar. He grabbed her hand and clasped it gently, she looked at him like he was out of his mind, "Amelia, Lapushka, I am breaking up with you." She took her hand back to clean out her ear, "I'm sorry, say that again."

He sighed knowing she was going to beg for him to stay at any moment, "I am the breaking up with you."

She huffed before raising her voice, " 'ya see I'd thought that's what 'ya said you f🤬cking ash🤬le! Listen here you communist piece of sh🤬t, f🤬cking take a flying leap! You s🤬nuva b🤬tch!" She threw up her hand in anger before spinning around in the kitchen cussing and pointing at him, "This f🤬cking dumb🤬ss! Don't you see I am a bad bitch and you a f🤬ckboy!"

In her rage she took her foot and aimed for Ivan but her foot came out on the other side of the wall. She turned to Ivan and her face was red with anger. She started hurtling threats at him, and he hid when she started hurtling plates at him wanting to know what huzzy he was shaking up with. He hid behind the couch cowering like he did when Belarus found him. It was at the moment he was questioning why most of all the women in his life were terrifying.

He really started to shake when he heard her on the phone with Belarus.

"Yeah, yeah whatever bela, just get this f🤬ck boy out of here."

There was yelling on the other end and she started cussing again until the phone line went dead. He was thinking she was going to throw it at him, but she threw it out the window.

She sighed, "Well damn." She took the beer he had smuggled and slammed the door on her way out. He could hear the loud engine of her truck rumble up before gravel flew and you could hear tires squealing for miles.

Ivan peaked over the couch and sighed. He looked at the door and back to the ruined house, "What the cyka blyat was that?". He figured she would cry and then call up England to comfort her. That was who Ivan was really concerned about. There was someone else but he couldn't put a name to the face.

He started to clean up the house and was sweeping the floor and stared at the Amelia sized foot hole through the wall. "What a delicate and frail foot. What a fragile heart." He shook his head and went back to cleaning.

At that moment there was a Belarus sized hole in the door and Ivan screamed like a little girl.