Always and Forever

fifteen

It's been a couple of months since i made my move to Barcelona and i'm enjoying every moment of it.

My Spanish has improved drastically although i'm not quite fluent. I can say a few words and understand a few, that's it though.

We have qualified for the champions league and are in a group with HB Køge, Hoffenheim and Arsenal. It's going to be difficult, playing against your old club is never easy, especially since i spent seven years at that club. It will be hard but i play for Barca now and i want to win.

We are playing against Arsenal tomorrow actually, in Spain. I'll see some familiar faces again and i honestly can't wait.

So far this season we have played 5 league games. I have scored 9 goals which is a pretty good record. We are flying though. We are top of the League. We haven't conceded and we have max points. 5 wins from 5. We are sitting at the top on 15 points.

Everything, for the most part is perfect. My life in Spain is perfect. Everything is perfect. My life in England, isn't quite as perfect. It's hard, being away from someone you love. Me and Leah haven't spoke as much as i would have liked. We've only face-timed a couple of times since my move which was two months ago. We message each other at least once a week, rarely more. It's upsetting because i can feel this distance between us growing and it isn't a nice feeling. On top of that, her and Jordan are really, really close. They're so close to the point people are shipping them together. It does hurt me because she's my person. Not Jordan's. I love Jordan. I love her so much but this hurts. Maybe it's because i'm close with Alexia? I don't know but it shouldn't be because Alexia is in a happy, healthy relationship with Jenni.

I don't know but i guess tomorrow we will find out.

I was sitting in my home with Alexia, Jenni, Mapi and Caro. They were watching a movie, i was texting Leah. Well, i was attempting to.

My love🤍

Hey. I can't wait to see you tomorrow. I miss you. I was thinking, it's a late kickoff, do you want to meet up and maybe grab a coffee? It's been a while❤️

Hey. I'd love too but i'm going out with Jords. Sorry.

Oh. Alright. See you tomorrow at the game them. I love you🤍

Yeah, see ya! Love you too x

******
I felt my heart break into a million pieces. Maybe it's nothing. Maybe i'm overreacting and overthinking this whole situation. Her and Jordan are friends just like me and Jordan are. She doesn't text like that- I could be being so pathetic but the single 'x' hurt. She's normally sending hearts and having full blown conversations. Not anymore.

When i first moved, she would text me. She would remind me how much she loved me and she would send me pictures of us when we were in the same country but it's changed, now she doesn't do any of that. Now, it's like we are falling apart for good this time.

I didn't want to draw attention to myself, so i texted Viv. I texted the one person i knew would tell me the truth. I texted the person i trust with my life. Besides Leah.

Viv❤️

Hey. I can't wait to see you tomorrow. Can i ask you something?

Of course you can. I miss you.

I miss you so much Viv. Look, i wanted to ask you about Leah and Jordan. They're really close now.

Yeah, they are but i think that's because, when you left she didn't really know who to talk to. Leah speaks to everyone, she always has but it was always you and her. You and her were partners and you guys did everything together so when you left, she had to find someone else to do everything with and she found Jordan. It was fine but yeah, they're really close. I agree with you.