Always and Forever

twenty three

It's been a couple of weeks. Now, the whole team know about me. They know the truth about me but they don't look at my any different or love me any less. I'm so thankful for them.
On our journey back home to Barcelona i sat with Patri and told her everything. I told her about me and i told her what happened after the game between me, Leah, Jordan, Viv, Mapi and Alexia. Just like everyone else, Patri told me that i deserve better. I know i do but deep down, there's still a part of me that wants her. There's a part of me that would do this all over again just to have her again.

We've played two games. We played against Madrid and won 3-1. I scored one. We also played our last group stage game against HB Køge which we won 6-0. I scored three completing my first hatrick in my new colors so i was really happy with that.

We have two more games before the new year so we're going to try and end this year on a high.

Leah's pov
It's been a few weeks since i done what i did and said what i did. I made a mistake and i'm facing the consequences. It hurts but this is my doing. This is my fault.

Viv doesn't talk to me. She just glares at me when we pass each other. The only time we talk is on the pitch but even when she scores, she doesn't celebrate with me. A few of the girls have spoke to me. They've told me what i done was so wrong and i know it was. Steph, Lia, Caitlin, Anna, Beth, Katie and even Kim have told me how disappointed they are in me.

We played Man City last week. We won 5-0 because of their injury crisis. After the game my English teammates didn't say anything to me. I got glares and glances. Hempo high-fived me but she walked away instantly after. Lucy wasn't there as she was injured, the same goes for Keira and Ellie who i know wouldn't have spoke to me anyway. Georgia stared at me but said nothing as did Alex. These girls love Sophie. Everyone loves Sophie so they will obviously always be by her side. They want to protect her and that's what they're doing.

Getting with Jordan has been my biggest mistake. I shouldn't have done it. I done it because being with Sophie didn't feel right at that time. It didn't feel right. It didn't feel like we were meant to be and simply, i fell out of love and i won't hide that. I fell out of love but i shouldn't have got with Jordan while i was with Sophie. It was a mistake that i regret, dearly. Still though, me and Jordan are still together. I won't end it with her just because Jess is upset over it. I like Jordan and that's how it is. Viv also won't talk to Jordan. Arsenal fans are aware that there is a problem between Viv, Myself and Jordan but they don't know why. It's fairly obvious as on the pitch Viv doesn't celebrate with me or Jordan. She just walks past us like we don't exist and it's been that way ever since i kissed Jordan and it got worse after the champions league game, after the things i said which i didn't mean. Of course i didn't. She's been through hell and i wish i could take that pain from her, but i can't. That pain will always be with her, i can't change that.

So today i woke up ready to try and talk to Viv about Sophie. Jordan, all morning kept telling me that it wasn't a good idea but i told her i don't care. I need to talk to her. I arrived at training with my new girlfriend. I walked past Viv who side eyed me. I didn't approach her until we were in the cafeteria eating. Viv was sitting with Beth, Katie, Anna and Lotte. I walked over. Beth, Katie, Anna and Lotte all looked at me like, 'are you insane! What are you doing!'

"Hey eh, Viv can we talk"
I asked. Viv's head snapped around and her eyes were full of anger. I sighed.

"Can we talk!? Of course we can't!"
Understandably she was still mad at me.

"Please, it's about Sophie"
I thought maybe this would make Viv want to listen but instead it made her more angry as she yelled at me.

"I've told you time and time again, stay away from her!! Don't speak about her ever again!!"
Viv yelled, which attracted everyone in the cafeteria's attention.