GeorgeNotFound Shipping One-Shots

Unloveable pt 1💛

TW// Brief mention of eating disorders and self harm.

A/N: This isn't really dnf, dns or dreambur yet but part two will be!

'Is being in love really worth it?'

Wilbur wondered that a lot.

When he would sit and listen as his friends rambled about the person they were in love with he would feel jealous. Because he wanted that for himself. He wanted to feel the supposed "fluttering" that came along with those feelings.; The soft feeling that came when they were around the people they loved and who loved them back.

It seemed great.

But...

Every time he tried to love someone in that way, it fell through. Something always went wrong.

Most of the time it was that the other person didn't feel the same.

That was always a fun one. The game of rejection roulette he played every time he confessed to someone.

There were three main responses that he usually got.

The first, and not very common, was the other person telling him that they felt the same. When Wilbur was younger he would get excited. Hell, how could he not? But as he got older he came to realize that those confessions were usually followed by the words "But I'm just not interested in a relationship right now."

He tried not to let that get to him, but as time went on he began to internalize that. Because eventually, he realized that when someone told him that they didn't want a relationship, what they really meant was that they didn't want a relationship with *him*. Because nearly every single time they would be in a relationship within the next week. They wanted a relationship. Just as long as it wasn't with him.

The way most people rejected him was the whole "You're a great person but I just don't see you that way.". It wasn't great, but it was better than the people who seemed to lead him on. The statement was straightforward enough that he immediately got that they weren't interested in him. The issue with it was that it wasn't mean enough. It didn't replace those soft romantic feelings with enough hatred and anger for him to properly move on. In fact a lot of times, much to his dismay, it just made those positive feelings stronger.

Because they're just so sweet that even while rejecting him and breaking his fragile little heart they were still so nice to him. And they cared so much about his feelings to let him down slowly.

It fucking sucked.

The last, and the least common, way he was rejected was with harsh words. When the target of his affections would respond to his confession with rants about how he was awful and how they could never love someone like him. They would tell him exactly why he was unloveable and what was wrong with him.

That was his favorite way. For many reasons.

Because for as much as it all hurt, he appreciated the honesty. It helped him move on quicker. Because he was too busy thinking about all of his flaws and just how unloveable he was to notice as the romantic feelings slipped away.

It also helped him improve himself.

Sure, covering yourself with bloody marks and scars and going days without eating may not be most people's idea of "improving yourself" but it worked for Wilbur.

Getting back to the ways his possible romantic endeavors failed.

Another thing that happened was that as soon as he was in those romantic situations, feelings on his side seemed to disappear.

He didn't know why it happened but on several occasions, usually, immediately after getting into a relationship, he would randomly lose feelings for his partner.

He always hated himself for it. An amazing person was in love with him enough to commit themself to him and he couldn't even return the feelings long enough to make them happy.

It's not like he didn't have those feelings at all, but as soon as those feelings were returned they tended to fade away.

Between the constant rejections and inability to keep the feelings needed to be in a relationship, Wilbur was constantly exhausted. The feeling of loneliness that was constantly weighing on his shoulders left him feeling tired constantly. He desperately craved for someone to hold his hand or hold him close when he got too cold.

It wasn't even a want at this point. It was a need. He needed someone to love him and help him chase away the touch-starved ness that had plagued him since he was a teen.

But eventually, Wilbur came to terms with the fact that it was never going to happen.

Because Wilbur was truly unloveable. At least that's what the universe seemed to think.

https://discord.gg/Mgr4ffm8p3 - Georgebur discord server lolz