Chapter 13

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8 June 1898

Y/N's POV

This morning was less eventful than the past couple of days. I guess after all that's happened, uneventful is good.

It's been a while since the last time I cried over a boy so that's a good sign. Well more like three days but still a good sign.

The morning was the same as usual, wake up and go to buy some papers.

Waiting in line, I made eye contact with Morris. He smiled at me, once again sending that jittery feeling flooding within me. Not this again!

Suddenly I was back in the deep end emotionally. I guess Davey served as quite the distraction but without whatever that was, I was faced once again with my feelings.

It's times like this when your heart is at odds with your mind because realistically, I know that whatever it is I want with Morris won't happen but my heart seems to be all I can listen to.

In my mind it's clear, stop chasing you'll get hurt and there's nothing to gain. Yet my heart is rather convincingly telling me that the pain is worth it for him.

A tap on the shoulder broke my chain of thoughts and I realised that the line had moved substantially so I ran to catch up to where I should've been.

"You okay? Ya been spacin' out a lot lately. I haven't seen much of ya either." I turned to see my brother behind me.
"Yeah, just thinking is all."

"You sure?" Jus' feels like there's a lot ya ain't tellin' me. We used ta tell each other everything but now it's like ya can't say nothin' ta me. Where do you keep going everyday?"

We reached the front of the line and bought our newspapers.

"Look it's really not a big deal, I don't know why you're so insistent that I'm hiding something."

Well probably because I am. Look, I do feel guilty for lying, it's just that there's too much to explain at this point. I don't think he'd get it.

"Look, I don' know what it is, but I hope one day ya trust me enough ta tell me." With that he walked off.

I sighed. When did everything become so complicated? Well I guess the day of the fire is when everything complicated itself.

Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if that didn't happen. It would definitely be easier, I'd have my parents and a future all set for me. On the other hand, I never would've met some of the amazing people in my life right now.

I wish I could have both but ultimately I know it's not possible. Now there's also the side of my life I'm hiding. I never really thought about the fact that it could affect my relationship with my brother.

I guess I always knew that it was risky but I didn't really think about it.

I put my fake smile on and sold some papers. The pain of hunger can't be ignored like the pain of my emotions.

I need to sell to have money for food. My hurt feelings can wait.

After some productive hours, I sold the bulk of my papers. Not all, but enough for something to eat.

On the way back, I stopped somewhere just to give myself some time to breathe before being bombarded by people. It seems that every time I have a moment of solitude, Morris seems to find me because suddenly there he was.

"What's going on, N/N?"
"Nah nothing, just thinking a bit. Needed a breather before going somewhere as crowded as the lodge."

"Yeah I get you. I was taking a walk to clear my mind a bit. Can't seem to shake off what Snyder just made me do."

I analysed him and saw how distressed he looked. His eyes looked sunken, like he hadn't slept in a while. He wore a forlorn look full of regret.

I pulled him into a hug (him then tightly wrapping his arms around me) and we just stayed there for a while not saying anything.

We both needed this. It felt like for a while we weren't friends at all, just people who knew each other. That hug seemed to bridge the gap for the time lost.

We didn't even need to say anything to understand each other. We both missed each other so much and honestly who cares about a romance, I just wanted my friendship back.

After the hug, it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

"I should get going but I'll see you around. Take care of yourself, Mo. Get some rest, we both know you need it. Don't beat yourself up over what happened, it's in the past now."

"I really appreciate that. I really appreciate you, Y/N," he said with a genuineness that made my heart skip a couple beats.

"I really appreciate you too Morris. So so much."

I savoured the moment as long as I could before continuing my walk.

I walked into the lodging house to be faced with my brother. He had a rather sour expression.

"And where were you?" he asked, accusingly.
"Selling papers like the rest of you," I defended.

"Yeah and then what? Went off ta do yer super secret stuff ya ain't tellin' me 'bout?" he continued to pry.
"No, I said what I did, take it or leave it," I argued.

"It's more than today, Y/N. It's the fact that lately, it feels like we ain't talking at all anymore. Now you's hiding something from me."

I sighed before answering, "I'm sorry but I don't have the answer you want. Goodnight, Al."

"Night, N/N," he responded, dejectedly.

A/N: Bit of a shorter chapter but there's that. How're y'all doing?

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