Part 4 Leaving Him

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Leaving him

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Leaving him

It was at the age of ten when I got to know what it was like to be awake the whole night when the majority of the world was sleeping and you are the only one with this unwanted ability to stay put and venture into another world, world of the negative overthinking mind.
Once you enter there's no way out of it. The spiral fall of negative thoughts just gets deeper and deeper, the more you feel and believe in them.

Back then, I didn't know what bullying was, one doesn't actually know something unless they themselves go through it.
I came back home from school feeling sick of myself feeling like it was my fault it was something with me, because of me that people disliked me, passed mean comments about my body weight. It was like what they said was real maybe I was doing something wrong that I didn't know about....and after that night, it was then every night thought processing.
I would jot down all the things that made other laugh at me all the ways I could become right and improve myself. Those thoughts kept me up at late nights sometimes I wanted to shut them off but they won't because they had imbibed themselves in me even if I didn't want to think but I found myself repeatedly thinking of ways to make myself likable. I used to count the minutes, hours while I stayed awake to put away those thoughts at the leash.
Those years were hard, I struggled and overcame them by becoming cold, distant, and having big walls of insecurities type of person.

Because honestly speaking, no one comes out unharmed after dealing with shits in their life. Some grow and wear those battle scars with proudness while some hide them and live under the fear of getting hurt again.

Either way, we all have scars we all are stained.

And here, I was ready to drop all my guards down and get hurt again.

Sahil was a scar

Another, painful and unforgettable scar.

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