Chapter 20.2

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The journey home was much shorter than their original trip had been; the checkpoints waved them through after cursory examinations, since it was highly unlikely they had left the heart of Homeworld's space with anything threatening. The biggest problem they had to contend with was boredom. The worst had already happened; there was nothing to anticipate, nothing to plan for, Sabrina felt. She did not let herself hope that Mara might achieve Scotty's restoration. Another disappointment would shatter her.

Ford was unusually quiet, and she wondered why but was too listless to ask. When she had time to adjust to her loss, she knew she would find in him some of what she had depended on Scotty for, but for now she was still trying to wrap her mind around the concept of life without her brother. That she had been right to oppose the download was no comfort at all; in fact it seemed to add to her grief, as if she had somehow brought disaster on him by predicting it.

She would go home to Earth, she decided, for a little while. Not to her old life, which would hold no comfort, but to see Cynthia, who would look after her with a friend's gentle care and grieve with her for a young Scotty only they were left to remember. And when she felt strong enough, she would go to Aunt Euphrasia and tell her that Scotty was dead. And after that....

She didn't know. Except that she had to come back to Praxatillus eventually. That was where her duty lay, and her family, including the wreck of what had been her brother.

On the third night of their journey, she woke screaming from a nightmare in which she was trapped in the shuttle in a Pharon Way again, but instead of Tirqwin's corpse in her arms, she held Scotty's lifeless form, staring sightlessly up at her. She lay still for a moment, concentrating on breathing and calming herself.

The door to her room slid open, and she lifted her head, expecting to find Ford there. But it was Rudolf instead. "Do you require assistance?" the little android asked her.

"No. No, I'm all right," she said. "Where is Ford?"

"We are preparing for emergence," Rudolf replied.

"Oh. Good. Tell him I'll be right there," Sabrina said, sliding out of bed. Rudolf departed, and she had a quick sonic shower and got dressed. When she was halfway down the corridor to the control deck, she felt the moment of slight disorientation that signified they had emerged into normal space.

"We're there?" she asked as she emerged onto the control deck. Ford was at the main console, looking tired. He gave her a brief smile, nodding, and went back to the controls. Sabrina took a seat out of his way and watched as the wallscreen displayed their progress through the Praxera system.

"It looks so peaceful from here," she sighed.

"That's because it is," Ford said, sounding surprised.

She gave a little hmph. "I have to get used to the concept. I remember this space as being a hotbed of galactic turmoil. If not Xoentrols, then Homeworld, and if not Homeworld, then Reissians."

"Those days are over," he said.

"I know. They have been for your lifetime. But it's not so long ago for me," she said. She thought about that for a while. "I wonder if it would have been easier then. To lose him. I was adjusted to the idea back then. Loss was something we all dealt with almost daily. I was prepared to die myself, and I certainly knew he was in a high-risk job. Nine years of relative safety spoiled me, I think. I never expected this."

"I don't think anybody really ever does expect it, Sabrina. But you certainly did have a right to expect better from your return to Praxatillus."

"This wasn't Praxatillus' fault. I blame Varla—and Malvarak." She hugged herself, suddenly cold. "He's still out there somewhere, isn't he?"

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