Fifty Shades of Crazy

World to Me

Logan's breathtaking hazel eyes hold remorse and a slight bit of anger; he nods in understanding and I drop Ryder's hand and I give Logan a tight sad hug and he whispers "I only wish we had met when we were older and I was much smarter. Everything else was so perfect about us." I feel a sob rise in my throat and I try to choke it back. "We were, you were." I choke out as a sob escapes from my lips. He hugs me tighter and it feels like such a goodbye forever hug, "Promise we'll meet again." I whisper through my sobs and I feel him sobbing as well. "I promise, my little Kate." He chokes out and I bawl harder and he does too. He pulls away after kissing my forehead and I stare at his handsome face through my tears and I watch his tears roll down his cheeks.

He turns his back making the sobs rack my body harder and my knees shake giving out beneath me, but I am caught in Titus's arms. I grab his white t-shirt and sob into it like a child as you can hear the thunder of Logan's truck pulling away. He walks over to his grandfather's cabin and rocks me like a baby as I cry into his chest. "Shhhh, pretty thang, you are going to be alright. It's going to be all right, baby cakes; you just got to let it out. Shhhh, little cowgirl, you let Titus take care of you. Come hell or high water, Titus has got you." I begin to hiccup as I calm down at the sound of Titus deep, Hispanic voice and it lulls me to a sleepy state and he carries me to me somewhere; I fall into a much needed sleep before Titus takes me to my destination.

I wake with light streaming on my face and I smile as I hear Ryder, Cade, and Jack's snores; I giggle at them and I breathe deeply and I quickly thank God for giving me these wonderful people. "Hey wild thang. You better?" Ryder asks and I smile at him. "Yeah, not sure where I would be without you guys." I say and Ryder laughs. "You'd be in a ditch somewhere." Cade says and I roll my eyes, but I nod because he is probably right. I laugh as Jack whistles while he snores and Ryder rolls his eyes at him. "I am gonna wake him up." Ryder says and I grab his arm. "Leave him alone, Ry. You hate it when me, Cade and Jack wake you up." Cade nods and I wince, remembering the last time that we woke Ryder up and it ended with all of us being bruised pretty badly.

"Hey kiddos, I know y'all are having a pretty lazy day, but you graduate tonight. So shouldn't y'all start getting ready?" My dad calls to us and he gives me an apologetic smile; I smile back and run to give him a tight hug. "I am so sorry, Daddy." I whisper and he pulls me tighter against him. "I am so sorry, baby girl. I was so wrong last night; I wasn't trying to understand or to care or to think what you needed and I am so sorry your mom can't be here. It is my fault and I would be angry with me too." The words tumble out of his mouth frantically and so remorseful; I feel tears come to my own eyes as they gather in soft kind brown eyes of my father. "I love you so much, Daddy." I whisper and he pulls me tight against his firm body. "I love you more than you could ever imagine, baby girl." He whispers back and I hold him tightly.

I turn around and the boys are looking at us; they smile brightly and their eyes twinkle with happiness in them. I smile softly and my daddy beckons them to come and we all share a great big group hug with me smashed in the middle. "It is hard to believe my sons and daughter are already graduating and going to college soon." My dad says with pride evident in his voice and the boys look at him in admiration. "We'll make you proud, Dad." Jack and Ryder say at the same time and my father chuckles and I giggle at them. "Luke, get the kiddos up here, Cade needs to get to school and eat and the other ones need to eat a good breakfast!" My mother's voice calls and we all run up the stairs pushing and shoving. Momma stops us before the entrance. "Go wash your hands before you even walk through that entrance." She says, sternly.

We all turn around and go to the different bathrooms on the main floor, wash our hands and race back to the kitchen. I sit down in the chair I always sit at when the boys are over and they go to their normal seats. "Cade, you have missed the first two hours of school, so Luke is going to drive you there after you finish eating; Jack and Ryder, I have the clothes you are supposed to wear and they are hanging in Kate's room, so y'all can get ready here. Kate your dress is hanging your closet, be sure to wear things hanging with it. Okay, do you understand?" she asks, after all the instructions and we nod since all of our mouths are filled with delicious food. "Momma Caroline, do I really have to go school? I mean I already missed two hours; it will be three by the time we get there. There is only a couple hours left and it isn't fair they get to have all the fun." Cade whimpers and I smile at the sigh that leaves Mom's lips and the soft look in her eyes.

"Cade, honey as much as I would love to keep you here all day, your mother called me to make sure you made it to school today, I am sorry, buddy. Next time, I will get you out of school and you, Bo and I will go get ice cream and go to that animal park you love so much, okay?" she promises, falling for his puppy dog face like I always do. "Okay!" Cade says, like a child and it brings me so much joy. I have watched him grow up and it is heartbreaking to think I wouldn't be here next year every morning to get his warm hugs, listening to his ridiculous stories and his sweet confessions when he was confused and needed a girl to talk to. Ryder watches me and I see concern loud his eyes when I think of leaving Cade. "You okay?" he mouths and I nod, shooting a small smile his way.

I hug Cade and kiss his cheek before he goes out to the truck with my dad; he looks back and sees the tears in my eyes. He stops, runs back to me and hugs me as tight as he can; he kisses my forehead and he whispers, "I love you and I will always be right here; you can always call too." He points to my heart when he says, "right here". It is like he is reading my mind yet again; I smile softly and he waves as the truck pulls out of the drive. Ryder hugs my waist and whispers, "It will be alright, princess. We got to get through today, and then we are free. You can always come back."

I smile sadly, "It will never be the same, Ry. After today, everything we have ever known is gone. It is a new world and we have to face it. I am not sure if I can do it. The girls I dealt with a nothing compared to the people out there." I whisper back. I have never been so scared of the future or leaving home till now; it just became real. "You can do it; if anyone can make it out there it is my scrappy little Kate. She fight you tooth and nail, but she will always make it through somehow or someway." He says, proudly; I giggle and kiss his cheek. I take a deep breath and laugh as my dogs try to launch their way through the door. I open it and they calm down after I kiss them and tell them good morning. I laugh, as Titus looks at me disappointed I talked to the dogs before him; he glared at me as I ran past him to his grandfather.

Abuelo, as we call him, was carrying a bouquet of all of my favorite flowers; they were colorful and gorgeous. "Mi bonita peqenya loca (my beautiful little crazy), you have grown up far too fast for this old man." He grumbles as I hug him tightly and take in the comforting woodsy scent that seemed to always put me at ease. "They are far too bonita to be for me." I say giggling and he hugs me tighter. "No one else here is a bonita chica (beautiful girl) graduating from high school. Well, Jack and Titus are chicas (girls), but they son no bonita (they are not beautiful)." I laugh loudly with my mom and Ryder, as Jack shrugs with a soft smile and Titus glare at Abuelo. "As much fun as this all is, Abuelo; these children need to go get dressed for their graduation." I sigh and Abuelo light pushes me forward. "Go chica, I can't wait to see you walk across that stage and give a speech." He says grinning, and I grimace at thought of speech I have to give tonight.

It was the worst part about this whole ordeal; the valedictorian had to give a speech, but my school thought it would be great if another student chosen by the whole school had to give a speech as well which would also have to longer. I knew kids from every class and I treated them with more respect than most of the upper classmen, so they had all thought I was the perfect candidate. I was always one of those kids who had tons of school spirit and got everyone to go to the guys and the girls' games; I am the only girl to ever play football at my school and we won state, but that was mostly Ryder and the boys. They all thought it would be great if I gave the speech too, so naturally I got sucked into doing it. I was slightly excited, but mostly nervous; I didn't want to let my teammates, family, teachers, or school down.

Ryder always says I put too much weight on my shoulders, but I am like my dad. I have to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders; it makes me feel like I am doing something right. I always find myself worrying about the people I love, even though that is not what God wants me to do, but I am really good at it. I nervously think about what I am going to say. There is no doubt, Mandy who is the valedictorian will blow my speech out of the water, but I am going to give it my best and pray that I will say what I have been trying to always tell people. I just want to make everyone proud.