With Love, Merlin

Chapter 1

"Ok Merlin it is time to update your chart. You've been doing a lot better. I think you'll be seeing less of me soon." Merlin glared at the woman sitting in front of him. She adjusted her glasses and look down at her computer.
"How would you rate your depression on a scale of one to ten. One being the best it's ever been, ten being the worst it's ever been." She looked up from the computer and at Merlin.
"Seven." He answered without hesitation. The woman seemed to be startled by his response.
"Merlin, I've been your therapist for five years now. I think your depression is a lot better than a seven."
"Why don't you mind your damn business Julie. Five years of therapy doesn't mean jack shit. My depression is a seven." Julie moved her gaze from Merlin back to the computer. She typed something quickly before moving onto the next question.
"Ok moving on then. Have you been taking your medication?"
"Sometimes but it doesn't do anything." Julie glared at Merlin. Merlin was unfazed. The life in his eyes were gone.
     "Merlin you need to take your medicine. If this one doesn't work we can try a different one." Merlin rolled his eyes.
     "Good god Julie you've shoved every antidepressant down my throat. None have done anything. Why can't you stop trying to help me? Can you stop pretending to care?" Julie's mouth seemed to drop. She studied Merlin in shock.
"Merlin I do care. If I didn't I wouldn't be your therapist."
"You are only my therapist because I pay you. You think I'm schizophrenic. You don't believe and don't even try to hide it. I've told you my story over and over yet you never believe me. Instead you suggest I get evaluated for schizophrenia."
"Surely you can see how it is hard to believe you are immortal Merlin. Even more so that you lived during the time of King Arthur which is only a myth." Merlin stood up forcefully.
     "It is not a myth. I'm done with you Julie. Your shit doesn't help me." Merlin struggled to walk out of the room. What little energy he had was spent arguing with the therapist. He didn't have much energy these days. While he looked and acted young, he had the mental stability of a crack addict.
     Merlin's busy life did not help much either. Though he could not maintain a job for more than two months, living in London had always been hectic. Merlin lived in a small apartment just a few blocks from Elizabeth Tower, otherwise known as "Big Ben". He had recently gotten a job where he got to clean the tower occasionally, but it didn't pay well. Merlin's life has no need for money. He didn't need to report to work everyday, it only required cleaning every few weeks.

Merlin's POV

     It felt good to speak my mind. After all these years you'd think I'd be able to do it, but I can't. I'm always alone with my thoughts. Even now it continues to race with things that I dare not mention.
     My life is meaningless now. Arthur is dead. He's not coming back. I think a part of me likes to hope that he will, but it's been thousands of years. He's not coming back. All the burdens I've faced in life, all the horrific experiences, none compare to the death of Arthur.
     I survived the Great Depression and served in both WWI and WWII. I saw many horrors in both wars but the death of my king hurts more. I joined the army in hopes it would give me some sense of purpose, a reason to wake up every morning. That was not the case. Defending my country did not compare to the pride I had washing Arthur's socks.
     I've been lonely too. Aside from my cat I have no friends. My only father figure, Gaius, died about ten years into Gwen's reign as queen. I was lost without him. I isolated myself from the world. My mother also died a few years before Gaius died. Bandits traveling east swept through Ealdor. There were no survivors. With both parent figures gone so sought comfort with the knights. As much as I loved Gwen's company, she had Camelot to rule. She never married but often sought Sir Leon for council. They became great friends.
     With no Arthur to run after and no destiny to fulfill my life was boring. I spent most days with Percival and Leon. I would watch them train or go on patrol with them. I think they enjoyed my company. Those years weren't ideal but they were manageable.
     Gwen died of natural causes many years later. Sir Leon became King Leon and ruled for a few years before passing away of some sickness. I grew old with my friends and now it should have been time to die with them. However, I did not have the luxury of death. I'm forced to roam the Earth forever.
     After Leon died, the kingdom began to fall. The order of knights failed and chaos broke out in the lower town. Percival and I left Camelot and lived together for a few years before he too died. All my friends were officially dead. I had no one. After Percival died, I built myself a little hut next to the lake of Avalon. I lived there in exile for hundreds of years.
     After London started to build up and become what it is today I moved to the city. I wanted to try and regain my life, but that didn't happen. Life was slow paced until I fought in the war. I always thought Arthur would be proud of me. I was once a coward and couldn't fight. That kept me going. After both wars, life slowed down again. I was lonely for a bit until I met Noah.
     I was a film producer at this point and Noah was a musician. We started dating and had a rocky start but things got better when we lived in France for a bit. For the first time in hundreds of years, I was happy. Noah left to tour America, though. I haven't seen him since.
     I clean Elizabeth Tower once a month. Despite having no social life and no purpose in life anymore, I seek comfort in two things: visiting the ruins of Camelot and writing letters to Arthur.
     Camelot is in present day Winchester, which is only and hour and a half drive. Every day I go down and relive my life there. I spend all day there and it comforts me. Afterwards, I drive down to Shane's Diner. They built it next to Avalon. I go there everyday and write letters to Arthur to update him on my life. It brings me some comfort.

     After arriving at his apartment, Merlin got in his car and drove an hour out to Winchester. Instead of visiting the ruins, he went straight to the diner. He had a lot of things on his mind. Many of which he wanted to tell Arthur.
     He parked the car and exited, stopping to admire the lake for a moment. Upon walking in he sat down and pulled out a notebook. A big man with a scruffy beard walked over.
     "Hey Merlin. What can I get for ya?"
     "Oh hey Shane. I'll just do my regular thanks." The man scribbles something in his notepad and wandered away. Merlin pulled out a pen and began to write.