Into The Reality (PUBLISHED UNDER LINES OF LOVE)

Chapter 4: Just Like That, No Happy Endings?

HIS POV

"Okay ka lang ba?" Na-upo si Ren sa tabi ko na may dalang tray ng mga pagkain. We were at the cafeteria of the university. Sumasama ako sa kan'ya dito kapag break, kahit wala naman talaga akong balak na kumain.

"Do I look like I'm okay, huh?"

"Ito naman. Survey lang. For research purposes." Tumawa siya. "Oh, kumain ka. Libre ko 'yan. Huwag ka nang choosy, hindi ka naman yummy." He placed a plate in front of me, may laman 'yun na chicken fillet and rice. Gusto kong tumanggi pero ngayon lang siya nanlibre. It's his first time to treat me, which just means that he's really worried about me. Or maybe he pities me? I don't know.

Nag-simulang kumain si Ren at binigyan ako ng thumbs up nang hawakan ko ang kutsara para sumubo. I was about to eat what's on my spoon pero na-baba ko ang kustara. "Do you think I'm a good person, bro?"

"Alam ko na kasunod nito. Tatanungin mo'ko kung 'Sa'n ba ako nagkulang?' Ano? Tama ako, 'no?" Napa-iling na lang ako. "You didn't deserve that heartbreak. Mabuti kang tao. I'm sure Katrina has a valid reason."

Valid reason? Valid reason bang na-realize niyang wala pala talaga siyang pakialam sa'kin?

Sumubo na lang ako sa pagkain na ibinili sa'kin ni Ren at pagkatapos ay binigay ko na lang rin sa kan'ya ang natira. I really did not have the appetite to eat. Naka-tulala lang ako. I've never cried since the last time Alice and I met each other for the last time but my heart felt like it got stabbed.

Habang nag-lalakad kami pauwi ni Ren, may nakita akong nag-bebenta ng asin sa daan kaya bumili ako no'n. Ren was confused why I bought that, but his confusion turned into anger when I opened the pack of salt and sprinkled it into his face.

"What the hell, pare! Ang lakas ng amats mo!" Pinunasan ni Ren ang mukha niya. "Para saan 'yan?!"

"Nag-papractice lang kung paano mag-taboy ng multo.." Simpleng sagot ko at nag-lakad ulit. Ren looked jokingly furious pero inisip na lang siguro niyang nababaliw ako dahil iniwan para intindihin ako.

I was practicing how I'd act if I met Alice again. Bubudburan ko siya ng asin na parang multo.

Natigilan ako sa pag-lalakad nang makita sina Alice, Abigail, at Bea na nag-tatawanan habang nabili ng street foods. She doesn't look affected at all. She didn't look miserable like me... she looked so much better without me.

"Anong meron?" tanong ni Ren kung bakit napa-tigil ako sa pag-lalakad. Pero nang tignan niya kung saan ako naka-tingin, natahimik na lang siya.

Ilang segundo ay nag-salita siya. "Just because you miss someone doesn't mean you need them back in your life. Missing is just a part of moving on."

Parang nabingi ako sa sinabi niya.

Gusto ko mag-lakad paalis para iwasan si Alice pero hindi ko maiwasang pagmasdan ang mga ngiti niya. It was like a double-edged sword... masaya akong masaya siya. Sino bang hindi sasaya kung makita mong masaya sa buhay niya ang taong minamahal mo, hindi ba? Pero malungkot ako para sa sarili ko dahil parang ako lang ang nalugmok pagkatapos ng nangyari sa'min.

I felt her absence. it was like waking up one day with no teeth in your mouth. You wouldn't need to run to the mirror to know they were gone, because it was obvious that it's gone.

I miss our talks, I miss our laughs, I miss us spending time together, but in the end, I only miss you. I wanted to come back to her, to stay by her side, but it looked like she didn't even need me, and she was so okay by her own.

She doesn't say, "I love you", like a normal person. Instead, she'll laugh, shake her head and give me a little smile.

I romanticized that it's her way of expressing her love, and that she's just not used to saying, "I love you."

But I just realized.

That maybe... maybe she has never loved me after all.