Into The Reality (PUBLISHED UNDER LINES OF LOVE)

Chapter 4.1

Katrina's POV

"Gano'n na lang 'yun? Pagkatapos ng lahat ng nangyari? Simula high school kayong dalawa ang magkasama tapos ngayon ga-graduate na tayo ng college na wala na si Martin?" gulong pag-tatanong ni Bea. "Ano bang problema? Bakit hindi niyo ayusin?"

"Knowing Martin, I'm sure he wants to fix this. Baka si Alice na talaga ang may ayaw," Abigail uttered. She was obviously trying to understand my side even if my actions alone are not understandable and defendable. Ang hirap kong intindihin, hindi ko alam kung paano sila nag-tagal sa akin kahit ganito ako.

"Palagi namang si Alice ang may uma-ayaw, sis," Beatrice sarcastically answered. "Hindi nga siya umiyak simula nang mag-break sila, never ko nakitang umiyak si Alice. Baka ayaw niya lang talaga kay Martin, at pinilit niya lang sarili niya magustuhan dahil mabait si Martin at tahimik, mahirap saktan mga gano'n. Pero love life niya 'yan eh, sige na lang."

Beatrice is wrong. I never forced myself to love Martin, it just happened. Beatrice is really straight-forward, ilang linggo pa lang ang nakaka-lipas simula nang mag-hiwalay kami ni Martin at nang namatay si lola pero nagagawa pa rin niyang mag-bigay ng real-talk sa'kin. But I did not explain myself. Tapos naman na ang lahat, I don't want to trouble myself explaining everything.

I cried... I cried alone. Others just didn't see. I carried all the devastation alone.

"Right person, but wrong time," I answered before I took a shot. Gano'n naman talaga, 'di ba? Kahit anong pag-ibig ang mayroon kayo para sa isa't-isa... kung mali ang panahon, nagiging mali na lang rin ang lahat.

"Right person, pero wrong time? Alam mo... hindi ako naniniwala diyan. Kasi kung tamang tao na siya para sa'yo, hindi mo siya makikilala sa maling panahon. It's ironic to think that there's a right person within the wrong timing." Abigail stated her thoughts, then she drank. "Kung maling panahon mo nakilala, siguro... hindi lang talaga siya ang para sa'yo."

Now, this is the reason why nag-yaya ako ng inuman. My mind was filled of a lot of things, and I wanted to forget them even in a short while, it was the only way to escape...

"Nag-text sa'kin si Ren, hindi raw nakain ng ilang araw si Martin. Kung kakain 'man, palaging sa alanganing oras. Hindi manlang daw natawa o nangiti. Nag-skip pa nga ng klase for consecutive days. Kawawa naman," kwento ni Bea. "His state just seems to not be improving."

I pretended that I didn't hear anything. I won't turn back. I don't want him to think that I'm coming back to him out of pity. He might think that I'm making a fool out of him, even if I'm not.

"I don't want to hear anything about him," ngumiti ako. "Kung siya malungkot, ako masaya ako sa buhay ko. He'll move on eventually." I lied. Natahimik na lang sila. All of us are friends, and not talking about a mutual friend will just make everything awkward, pero bahala na. I have no plans of befriending Marin and Ren. Buti na lang at sa ibang university sila nag-aaral, mas mapapadali sa akin na iwasan sila.

Ren and Bea didn't work out as well, they just stayed as friends. Bea's crush became a one-sided one.

Siguro nasaktan si Bea sa deretsahang pag-reject ni Ren kay Bea before we graduated from high school, pero ngayon, wala naman nang pakialam si Bea. She's been looking out for new crushes sa Engineering course dahil andami raw pogi roon.

My life revolved around my part-time job at an IT company, and my studies. The company I work at is China-based which made me have a Chinese boss kaya hindi sila strikto kahit pa 'di ka pa nakakapag-tapos ng kolehiyo. I had background knowledge in technology and programming which is the reason why I passed at that company, without being an IT major. After college and a few years after that, mama told me that she'll resign already. Knowing that pressured me that I should have a stable job right after I graduate.

Kapag umuuwi ako, tahimik ang bahay at si Wacky na lang ang sumasalubong sa'kin pag-uwi, pero ang kaluluwa ko ay maingay. My soul will continue mourning for the people I've lost. I couldn't move on.

Kapag umuuwi ako ng bahay... my mom would be there but I felt like I was alone in the war of myself and my thoughts.

Papasok lang ako ng banyo para umiyak mag-isa at sa tahimik na paraan tapos lalabas na parang walang nangyari. It was a daily routine. Wacky would always wait for me outside of the restroom, like he was guarding me.

But no matter how many times I cry, I feel like life doesn't get any better.