The Salvatore brothers sick/hurt

Stefan-self harm

Request: i was hoping if you could do one where stefan turns his humanity back on after having it off for so long because Klaus compelled him to turn it off and when he turns it back on he remembers all the horrible things he's done, the guilt consumes him and he can't figure out a way to live with himself. He tents to commit self harm but then Damon finds out he's very concerned as does everything to help Stefan get through it not leaving his side till he's okay again.

WARNING: including self harm!!!!!!

Stefan POV

Hours have certainly passed since I was at home and my humanity is back on. I can't sit quietly, I can't think clearly. Everything around me is so blurred. Every is spinning. What did I do? I murdered innocent people, people who might had children, a family, friends lost someone who was important to them. How could I do such a thing? That's all my fault! What should I do now? Unfortunately, running in circles like a crazy person doesn't work. Showers. Yes. Showering will give me a clear head. Good idea.

The water feels good. Warm. Warm- that's exactly how the blood tasted. All I see is blood! Now I'm starting to hallucinate it! All I can thing of are my victims. Their screams. The fear in her eyes. How they ran away. How delicious her blood tasted. I have to get out of here! I turned off the water, dried myself off and formed the towel around my waist. I quickly run to my mirror and wipe off the fogged mirror with one hand. I saw myself. Then I saw my veins and my teeth are coming out. I look away. What am I supposed to do now? I can't control myself! I can't live with that guilt! I-I can't ask for help..

I don't see any other way out. I take the razor off my closet and add bad things to my body.
It feels good
The pain
It's good for a moment, but then the pain passes... it's gone.

Once again. Again, again and again.
Meanwhile, the whole floor is full of blood and my thoughts are collected. I am a monster.
I deserve everything what's happen to me.

- Days later-

The days passed.my situation has not changed. I still feel death. Whatever I actually am? Nevertheless, I do everything so that Damon doesn't notice anything. In the evening, when he sleeps, I hurt myself. It sounds strange but it helps me deal with the pain. I can't stop myself from fallen.
Damon and I are currently sitting on the couch. He reads the newspaper and I watch tv. We haven't talked in a while. I must be a disappointment to him. I am a disappointment.

,, hey. I would like to go shopping a little later. Do you want to come along?" he suddenly ask me.
I can't be outside. With people around me.
,, I- I don't really know if that's a good idea." I tell him.
He sigh.
,, actually I don't think neither." he looks at me with a his serious stare ,, but you should learn to be around people again, Stef." this time I sigh. I stare at the ground. He's right. But I can't be outside right now. Maybe in a few days but not now.

Damon's POV

Something is up with Stefan. He's hiding something from me. Omg. Is that blood on his shirt?!
Did he drink human blood again? Did he hurt someone? Is that his secret? Or... no he wouldn't.. he wouldn't- hurt himself would he?
Come on Damon, don't be ridiculous! As if he would hurt himself! He never did that when he turn his humanity back on. So why would he now?

,, another time Damon. Not now. I can't risk it." he tells me while looking down on the ground. I simply nodded.

after a while

I'm just coming home after shopping. I put the car keys on the closet, went to the kitchen and unpacked the food as if I am a robot. I stopped unpacking when I took a familiar fragrance.
Blood
Then I heard someone cry
Stefan!

I left everything behind and ran up to his room as fast as I could. I opened the door and what I saw shook me. Stefan. My little brother sits down on the floor, with a blade in his hands, bloody full of cuts that have now healed, thank you vampirism.

,, Stef." I call out for him with a gentle tone.
He looks up at me. His face. He is afraid. Maybe afraid of me? but why would he? he quickly hides the blade behind his back.

,, what are you doing here!" he almost scream at me
,, what I'm doing- STEFAN ARE YOU SERIOUS?! YOU ASKED ME WHAT IM DOING HERE BUT SHOULDNT I ASK YOU WHAT YOU ARE DOING HERE !" I couldn't help but screaming at him.
Anger spreads into my body.

,, have you ever heard of privacy!"
,, PRIVACY? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! YOU JUST HURT YOURSELF AND YOU TALK ABOUT PRIVACY?"
,, YES !"
,, GOD STEFAN!"
I didn't know what to say or do. I'm just standing there and looking him in the eyes. My heart is breaking right now.

,, how long?" after a while I finally found my voice again. He just look questionable at me.
,, how long are you doing it?" I ask again while using a gentle tone.
,, a few-days" he answers me
I slowly approached him, I don't want to scare him off or anything else.

,, God Stefan, you can't hurt yourself. You hear me?" he nodded
,, please forgive me.." he cry's now- again.
,, oh Stef." I was about to take him into my arms but I don't know if that's a good Idea.
,, can I take you into my arms?" he nodded while tears are streaming down on his cheeks
I take him into my arms. Comfortable rubbing his back. I didn't let go of him, only when the tears became less, I let go of him to talk to him.

,, listen Stefan" I begann ,, I know all this shit that happened to you,- you didn't deserve any of this. You understand me? You are an awesome person, even if I wanna kick you to the moon sometimes, I love you with all my heart. You are the only thing I'm proud of. My baby brother." I wiped the tears away.
,, could you stop doing it? For me?" I ask my little brother
he nodded negatively
,, don't you see that I'm trying?" Stefan look at the blade and his bloody arms
,, I-I can't stop it, I'm sorry." he tells me as he begin to cry again
,, it's okay, it's okay. Just breath Stef. You don't have to be sorry for anything. I've got you."

,, come on, let's clean you up." I oder after a while sitting on the ground and hugging each other.

The days passed and he slowly becomes better each day. After our little conversation, I washed him and made him some cookies. The next day we went to the cinema and we watched the new spider man movie. It gets better day by day. We are now in my room, sitting on my bed with chips, fries, pizza and ice cream. We're about to have a movie night, we are going to watch all the Harry Potter movies.

,, thank you Damie. For taking care of me." that made me smile.
,, no thanks Stef. I am your big brother. It's my job to take care of you." now he smiled at me.

after we ate a lot of pizza, fries, chips and ice cream, which I'm sure we will get stomach ache from it, Stefan fall asleep after the third movie. I enjoy the view of him. So peaceful.

,, see Stef. Stars cannot shine without darkness. That's what I use to told you when you were little." I kiss his forehead and then I turn back to the tv

Everything will be fine.

Hey guys,
This chapter made me actually really proud myself! 😩
I hope you guys had a good start in 2022 😆
I didn't ☹️
But I promised myself that this year I will post AT LEAST one chapter a week, so I promise now that I will post more!!!
I also hope that nobody of you experienced self harm, if you did I feel so deeply sorry for you and your soul ☹️
Just a little reminder: i know it's a tough world out there but you are enough! you are strong, unique and a wonderful person! 🌸

Trust me everything will get better.

With love A ❤️