New Rules

14

Over the next couple of days, the two of you barely speak to each other. Alex went to her sessions and even asked for extra ones. She started going to an anger management group as well. She was trying and you saw that but you were still hurt.

Alex tried to talk to you a couple of times but each time she was met with silence. You stood in the kitchen waiting for the coffee to finish when you heard her walking up behind you. "Y/n?" You heard her call out. You turned to face her "yes."  "Will you..um. Would you like to walk with me today?" She asked. "Sure." You whispered. Her head snapped up when she heard your response. "Okay, um...now? Or?" You chuckled "Now is fine." She smiles "okay."

The two of you head out to the garden walking side by side as you admired the flowers. "You remember how I said I use to hide in the garden when I was younger?" She asked. You nod your head "yes."  "Dad worked all the time. He never had time for us unless it was at a function where he'd show us off. Mom hoped that the summer house would give him a chance to step back and spend some time with us. But that didn't happen. They would fight a lot about it. But somehow the fights turned into a screaming match, which then turned into my father losing his cool. He would hit her until she stopped screaming. I would hide in the garden because it was quiet and it was calm. It's the only place I felt safe." She tells you. You listen quietly as you two continue to walk. "My mother was a good person. She loved me unconditionally, she took up for me. She didn't deserve to be stuck with that monster. But she stayed anyway probably for me. I grew up hating my dad. I hate him. But I guess somewhere along the lines I turned into the thing I hated the most." she explains.

"Y/n I will never be able to apologize enough for what happened. If I could go back and change it I swear I would. I will ask every day for forgiveness. But I don't want you to feel like you're stuck with me. Stuck with the monster I've become." she says.

"Alex. I love you. I will probably always love you. I don't think you're a monster. I think you need help." you tell her. She nods her head "I know."  She sighs "Are we ever going to be okay?" she asked. "I don't know." you sighed. "I know that I love you. I know that you love me. But I don't know if that's enough anymore. The lines have been crossed Alex and there's no going back." "I would give anything to go back. To change what happened," she says cutting you off. "I know that but you can't," you tell her.

"Alex you changed my life. I have never loved someone so deeply before you. I would do anything for you. But I can't fix you, I can't make you change. You have to want to change. I've asked countless times, I'm not asking anymore. I don't want to leave you. But I can't make you change."  "I do want to change." she says. You smile "so you say but I haven't seen any positive change happening Alex. I love you. So much. But this is something you're going to have to do on your own."

"What are you saying?" she asked. "I think it's best if I stay with Tara for a while. You need space to figure out what you want and need and so do I. " you whispered tears welling up in your eyes. Alex nods her head as tears roll down her cheeks. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." she cries. You stop pulling her hands into yours. Pulling her close you lean up to kiss her lips. She sighs into the kiss, your tears mixing. "I love you, Alex. I love you so much. I want you to know that. Promise me you won't hurt yourself. That you'll fight for yourself. You're worth so much. And I can't wait for the day for you to see that. You have given me so much joy and love. I don't want to walk away from you. But I have to take care of myself. I'm sorry." you whispered. She cries nodding her head leaning in to kiss you again.

"I'm sorry too. I promise you I'll get better. I'm sorry that I got you caught up in this. You deserve so much in this life. I want you to have it all. You will forever be my one true love. I'm sorry." she cries. You pull her in for a hug as the two of you cry. Pulling back you give her a sad smile. "I'm going to pack up my things. I'll be at Tara's if you need me. Okay?" you tell her. "Okay," she says.

You spent the next few hours packing up your belongings. Tara has already told you that you can stay for as long as you need. You cried as you packed your things. It broke your heart to leave Alex but it's for the best. Alex needs to be able to get better for herself. She needs to deal with her trauma.

Walking down the stairs you see Martha standing there with tears in her eyes. You smile as you reach the bottom of the stairs leaning in to hug her. "Thank you for everything," you whispered. "Awe you sweet girl. I will miss you. Don't be a stranger okay?" she says. You nod your head. Grey smiles grabbing your bags taking them to the car.  Once you make it outside you see Alex standing by the car. You walk towards her and she smiles. Leaning in you hug her. She holds you tight " I will always love you. Whatever you need don't hesitate to ask." she whispered. You whimper as you hold her close. Pulling back you lean up and kiss her. "My love." she cries against your lips. You smile "I love you, Alexandra Cabot. Promise me you'll take care of yourself." "I promise." You smile as she opens the door for you helping you in. She gives you a tiny wave as she closes the door.  You cry as you drive past the house you've called home for the past year. Watching Alex slowly disappear from your view.