Deep (Zarry AU)

Wanting

Zayn laughed. Or at least it sounded like a laugh to Harry. But he wasn't sure. It could have been a sharp exhale of annoyance or surprise. It had a hard, almost bitter edge to it, Harry noticed. But then Zayn was smiling. It didn't make sense.

Zayn cleared his throat and started shaking his head. "Nah. Thass ancient history, man." He put his hand on Harry's shoulder, then slid it further, hooking his arm so that the crook of his elbow was around Harry's neck. He shifted so he was sitting right alongside Harry.

"Ah don't think about it any more. In fact, ah should thank you."

"Why?" Harry was starting to sniff again.

"Coz all that - all that stuff - that stuff between you and me - it made me realise. Made me realise I wanted to marray 'er."

Harry was silent. He picked up a long, thin leaf that had been lying on the ground in front of him and twisted it around his fingers. He thought about the time Zayn told him he that and Perrie were getting engaged. How he'd been silent then, as well. At first.

"I don't .... I just don't. I don't want you to leave, is all," he stuttered, eyes fixed on the leaf rolled around his middle finger."

Zayn coughed. He fiddled with the gold necklace he always wore these days; tucked it back into his vest.

"The band'll be fine. You and the boys, you'll be good. You know that."

"S'not just about the band. Or the business. It's that I....me... I don't want you to leave."

This time it was Zayn's turn to be silent. The strains of music from the DJ booth floated over the pool terrace: the lyrics were hard to make out from this distance but the song was familiar enough for Harry to fill in the gaps: Only miss the light when it's burning low / Only hate the road when you're missing home.

"Why?" Zayn whispered, finally. "Why now?" Then, before there was time for an answer, Zayn uncurled his arm from around Harry and stood up. He took a step as if to leave, hands in the pockets of his basketball shorts, eyes downcast, kicking at the ground. "Don't start this, Harry. It's always the same."

Harry wiped his eyes, and sat straight. He started to say something but Zayn was quicker:

"You only ever want what you can't have."

Harry watched as Zayn walked into the distance, head low and high-tops scuffing at the paving that was bathed in pale blue light.