Too Good to be Bad | Negan |

28 - I couldn't save her

TW: Sexual content

That Friday evening, I leave my room to make my way over to Negan's for the first time in a while. I'm glad I didn't have to lie to my friends this time. I told them Negan gave me the camera in exchange for a portrait. Kieran raises his eyebrows at the whole thing and has some questions as to how I even knew he had a camera. I just tell him I saw him walking around with it at some point. Okay, so I did have to lie a little bit.

It's just after 8 when I knock on his door. I feel rather nervous as I wait for him to answer. The truth is, he's been on my mind quite a bit these past few weeks. I'm not sure if I would have believed he cared about me, if he hadn't let me out of his deal. But he did. And despite the wrongness of the whole situation, I think I care about him too.

'Evening, miss Pierce', he says, opening the door.

'Hello.' I smile at him in greeting as I walk past him into the room.

'Merlot?' he asks, holding up a bottle.

'Yes, please.' He knows my favourites by now.

I take a seat at the table while he pours us drinks and open my sketch book to an empty page. Negan comes up behind me and watches me flip through the pages.

'You have a real fucking gift, don't you? That book's almost full, I should get you a new one.'

'You already gave me a Christmas present', I say, watching him take a seat at the other side of the table.

'Well, when's your birthday?'

'June. The 28th.'

'Hm, that's gonna be a while. You should probably take it slow until then.'

'I guess I'll just have to support myself in the meantime.'

'Doesn't look like you're living the life of a struggling artist. You're not working Saturdays anymore?'

'That's right. Much to Pamela's displeasure... Have you been keeping an eye on me?'

'I prefer to have both my eyes on you at all times, sweetheart.'

I look down on the paper in front of me, smiling. I hear him chuckle at my blushing again, but at least he doesn't comment this time.

'All right, let's get started', I say. 'How would you like to be drawn?'

'Actually I changed my mind. I hear you've drawn some people by description, is that right?'

I have been doing that. Some people ask me to draw their loved ones who are no longer with them. They describe them to me and I draw them the best I can. It's quite a challenge and I'm sure it's never 100% accurate, but the looks on the faces of the people when they see the finished drawings is worth every trouble. Still, I'm surprised by Negan's request. He never talks about his past.

'I have. It's quite difficult and I can't promise it'll be entirely accurate. Who would you like me to draw?'

He takes a sip of his whiskey and looks away from me before he answers.

'My wife. Lucille.'

My eyes turn from him to the bat, resting against the back of the couch. Lucille. There's an expression in Negan's eyes that I haven't seen there before. He seems far away.

'Of course', I say softly. 'I'll do my best. Will you describe her to me?'

As I draw, Negan describes his wife to a degree of accuracy I haven't heard before. He remembers every detail of her. The arche of her nose, the height of her cheekbone, the tiny mole just above her upper lip. He gets completely lost in it and comes over to me to move a line up a bit or correct a flaw. I'm there for hours until finally I have a detailed portrait of a beautiful woman. I hand her over to Negan and he takes the drawing in without saying a word. His eyes switch back and forth, taking in every aspect of her.