Too Good to be Bad | Negan |

40 - Boy trouble?

It takes every bit of will power I have to get up and go to work the next day. I only do it because I don't want to give Negan an excuse to punish me any more. When I get to the laundry room, Pamela purses her lips and doesn't greet me. I'm sure she has some thoughts about my relationship with Negan. For the first time since I got here she doesn't say a word to me. I don't mind. I prefer the silence anyway.

I didn't go to breakfast and I don't intend to go to lunch either. I'm not ready to face the looks and the whispers. Or my friends. Let them enjoy their last day with Kieran. He doesn't want to be around me. I had a nut bar in my room that I brought down to the laundry room, so I sit down in a corner to eat it after Pamela leaves without saying a word. I've cried so much the last few days, my eyes are dry now. I just feel numb.

My sad thoughts are interrupted when somebody knocks on the large steel doors of the room. I look up to see who it is. I hope they're not here for me.

'You in there, Lara?'

It's Sherry. I'm surprised. I wasn't expecting her. I'm hidden from view behind a laundry machine and I contemplate staying silent. But that's probably a childish thing to do, right?

'I'm here', I say, getting up from my corner.

She smiles and comes over to me, carrying a plate with a couple of sandwiches on it.

'I didn't see you at breakfast', she says. 'Thought you might be hungry.'

'Oh', I say. 'That's very nice of you.'

I am hungry, since I haven't eaten properly since my lunch on Saturday. But I feel like I can't get much through my throat anyway.

'Mind if I join you?' she asks.

I do. I want to be alone. But it's nice of her to come down here.

'Sure', I say, granting her a weak smile.

We both sit down on a couple of chairs and take a sandwich. I eat it without tasting much. At least it might provide me with some energy.

'So', Sherry says. 'Boy trouble?'

Inspite of myself, I laugh.

'Yes, I suppose that describes it.'

'Are you okay?'

'No', I sigh. 'I feel like shit. I fucked it all up.'

Sherry gives me a compassionate look.

'Don't be too hard on yourself.

'I'm in love with him', I admit suddenly. I haven't said that to anyone. Although I'm sure Alex knows.

'With Negan?' Sherry asks surprised.

'No', I say. Although I did feel something for him. It felt really good to be with him. But it wasn't like how I feel about Kieran. And whatever feelings I may have had for Negan, he crushed them when he told me he took off Nikolai's finger. 'Kieran.'

'Ah', she says. 'Do you want to tell me about it? I'm hearing all sorts of things, but at this point I don't know what's true or not.'

For a second I want to ask her what everybody's saying. Then I decide it's probably best if I don't know.

'We never told you how we ended up here, did we?' I ask her. She shakes her head. 'We were kind of desperate. Priya was pregnant and we were on the road and we were about to face winter... Then we passed the outpost and we noticed they had a baby there. So we assumed they must have baby stuff. That we needed. But we didn't feel like we could ask them for help, so we moved on. Well, except for one of us.'