Too Good to be Bad | Negan |

67 - Do you need help?

I don't know how long I've been running. I don't dare to stop, afraid Simon might have come after me. I only paused for a few minutes to cut the rope around my wrists on a large sharp rock. At least with my hands free I'll have a fighting chance if I run into anything. I decide to keep a rock in my hand as well when I continue, to have something to defend myself with. I might be able to take out a walker with it, but of course it will get me nowhere if Simon catches me.

Eventually, I just can't go anymore. I drop down behind some bushes, hiding myself from view, and listen. I don't hear anything, aside from the occasional grunting walker. Fortunately, they don't notice me behind my bush. No sign of Simon or anyone else. Panting heavily from all the running, I start to believe I may have lost him. But now what? I am alone in the woods and I have no idea where I am. I don't have any weapons, besides this stupid rock, and after running for ages in this terrible heat I'm already starting to feel dehydrated.

Fucking Simon. I knew he was a psychopath from the second I first saw him. What the hell was he thinking? Negan must be starting to lose control over the Sanctuary if he's bold enough to pull a stunt like this. I remember what Derek said. They're like dogs, always fighting for control.

Derek... My sweet Derek. I still can't believe he's gone. I can't help but think it's all my fault. What was I thinking, knocking that bitch out? If I hadn't done anything they probably would've just taken her out. And he would still be alive. If Derek were here he'd probably tell me that's a bit of a stretch. He'd say something like: 'Were you the one that stabbed me? Could've sworn you looked completely different. Must be something wrong with my eyes.' But Derek isn't here. He'll never be here again to comfort me.

Suddenly I start to cry uncontrollably. I press my hands against my mouth to stifle the noise, because the last thing I need right now is to attract a bunch of walkers. But I just can't stop crying. It hurts my throat that's been throttled by Simon. Twice. He almost killed me. I don't even want to think about the things he was going to do to me before ending it. Derek's dead. It hasn't even been two days since we fled the Sanctuary, but with everything that's happened it feels like I aged 20 years. And what if Simon's plan succeeds? He may not have my body to prove it, but what's stopping him from telling Negan the Alexandrians killed me? After what they did at the Sanctuary he'll already be pissed, what if this is the last straw that will make him want to kill them all? What they did to us is horrible. But I still believe that in the end they are just people trying to survive. I don't want them all to die. There's been too much death already.

I need to find a way to tell Negan the truth. Or to warn the Alexandrians. But how? In my flight I haven't been paying attention to my surroundings and I have no clue where I am. The best way to get back to Alexandria or the Sanctuary would be to retrace my steps to the main road. But even if I would manage that, Simon might have put look-outs on the road to take me out. I can only assume he has some men in his pocket. The Saviors that came with him must have known what he was planning to do.

The sound of a walker coming closer pulls me out of my thoughts. The sound of my crying must have attracted it. I shake my head to clear my mind and get up resolutely. Let this stinking, rotting corpse be the victim of my rage. I raise my rock into the air and let it crash down onto the walker's skull. It doesn't go down straight away and it claws at me with its filthy fingers. So I hit it again and again until it falls to the ground and its head is nothing more than a bloody mess. The sight of it could have brought me back to what I did to Zachary. But it doesn't. I am done feeling bad about the deaths of people who didn't deserve to live anyway. My mind is on Simon as I hack down on the body. If I ever see him again, I will kill him.

---

Hours have passed and I still have no idea what to do or where to go. I don't try to find the road where we came from, it's too risky. So I keep going forward, hoping to find another road. If I follow it, I should get somewhere, right? But I still haven't found one. Just endless stretches of forest. Eventually I stumble upon a barn in a clearing that I approach wearily. There's no one there. The sun is already low so I decide to stay here for the night. The barn is large, with lots of dark corners to hide. So even if anyone enters it, they won't find me right away. Staying outside is too risky and I need to rest.