Take your time (Tamaki x Reader)

Understanding

You sit there in stunned silence, staring at the empty seat that was no longer occupied a tall, lanky, beautiful purple haired boy. And it was all your fault. You shove the phone back into your pocket, your own eyes now filling with tears as images of Tamaki's devastated face flash rapidly through your mind. He looked just like that day you first met him, when he had to read aloud in front of the class and they had laughed. He looked like that time you'd found him in the bushes, beat up and crying quietly. But this time you couldn't fix it with a bandaid. Words didn't work like that.

The waitress walks over with a tray- two milkshakes and a plate of fries. To be honest you had forgotten where you were, ordering all that had seemed so long ago. You take a big sip of the chocolate milkshake and find that it does help a bit. Well, maybe not help, but Tamaki was right about it being good. Still, you're not very hungry anymore. It doesn't feel right to sit here and enjoy it after what you've said. He had been trying to be nice... 

You sigh and push the cup away, standing up and grabbing your bag, then pulling out your phone to get directions back to your house. The weather is still nice, but you don't even notice. As you walk, you start to feel lonely. When you had first heard the news that you'd be moving here, you immediately pushed all the negative thoughts out of your head and tried to focus on the positives. New friends. New room. Adventure. 

But it was scary. Leaving everything you'd ever known and loved had been terrifying. Even if your life hadn't been very exciting before, at least it had been comfortable. Familiar. Not anymore.

How lucky were you to have met Jirou though, and Eijiro and Katsuki and Izuku and Denki and even Shouto? So many new friends, each welcoming you into their world warmly in their own ways. And then there was Tamaki. He'd been the hardest to get to know by far, but at least he'd started to actually speak. Maybe you didn't deserve to hear his voice after all. 

Before you knew it you were in the middle of a small park, nowhere near where you remembered your house being. Goddamnit. You swiped out of the maps app on your phone and hesitated before going into calls and dialing Jirou's number. You'd only known her for a few days, but already you felt that you could talk to her. You didn't realize just how bad you had wanted to until you heard her voice.

"Hello? Y/n?"

"Jirou! I- I got went out with Tamaki and we got milkshakes and I ordered for him-" the words start spilling out of your mouth like a damn breaking open and you can't stop them. "But then I said something and he freaked out and he left and- and got all sad and it's all my fault and I can't get home!" Your voice shakes as you blurt everything out but afterwards you feel the tiniest bit better. The line is quiet for a minute before she speaks again.

"Where are you?" You nod almost frantically despite the fact that this is a phone call and she cant see it, then send her a pin of your location. "I'll be there soon." Is all Jirou says before hanging up. Your shoulders relax as you slowly lower the phone from your ear, then drop down onto the bed of grass between the trees in the park you're lost in. After what seems like an hour but can't have possibly been more than 2 minutes, you hear a rustling and footsteps behind you and spin around.

"Jirou?" It's not. To your surprise, Katsuki and Eijiro are walking side by side, signing rapidly back and forth and nudging each other in the shoulders while laughing. Your stomach drops.

"Y/n?" Eijiro stops short and looks at you in surprise before Katsuki notices your presence a second later and the playful smile quickly disappears. "What are you doing here? Alone?" His hands move as he speaks so that Katsuki can follow the conversation. You notice the look of worry in both of their faces (though the blond boy's is significantly more annoyed), and realize that you've been crying. Not a lot, but the few tears that dripped down your cheeks were definitely noticeable.

"Eijiro I messed everything up with your brother-" you blurt out in a wobbly voice and he drops down besides you, concern written over his features. His date looks bored, though you can't tell if it's real or if he's acting. He signs something to Eijiro and then nods at you before turning and walking back in the direction he came from. You don't waste a second. "We went out to get food since nobody else was around... he wasn't talking at first but it was fine. We got there and ordered the food and.. and I got too in my head. I told him it wasn't a date. I swear I wasn't trying to be rude or reject him- and it's not even that I don't like him like that! I do!" You don't know why you're telling his brother all of this and if you stopped for a second to think about it you would definitely be embarrassed, but right now you want to get it out. You just want Eijiro to tell you that you did nothing wrong- that his brother was fine and it wasn't your fault and this happened to everyone and he would still be your friend and everything could go back to normal. To comfort you. To justify your actions. To soothe your conscience. But he didn't do that.

"Y/n... that was a sucky thing of you to say to him." The red-haired boy says honestly, his voice softer than normal. "Of course that's gonna scare him off. He was starting to trust you. I don't remember the last time he's ever voluntarily talked or spent time with anyone other than me. But he liked you." Your shoulders sag with shame and you look down, not wanting to make eye contact with the other anymore. "Tamaki.. has had a hard life. It's not my right to tell you his story so I won't. But-.." he hesitates the slightest bit. "I can tell you mine. That might help you understand him better." You look up in surprise, not having expected this. Eijiro is sitting next to you on the ground, his eyes fixed on a small flower that he's fiddling with between his large fingers. You stay quiet and wait.

"My birthparents... had a certain way of doing things." He started with a low voice. "Everything had to be perfect. In its place. Just right. And then I was born.

"For the first few years of my life it was fine. I was a kid. But then something started to feel off. I felt trapped. Like I was stuck in the wrong body and I couldn't get out no matter how hard I tried. Like my parents were forcing me to wear a costume that I couldnt take off, and no one believed me when I said it wasn't real. That it wasn't me. For a while after that I just thought there was something wrong with me. I tried to hide it and fit in by acting my part in the play with my costume. Then one day I was online and I found this forum. It was for... kids who felt different. Like me. And I learned what it meant to be transgender." At this point he stops talking, but doesn't look up. You wait.

"It was like I wasn't alone all of the sudden. I finally could fit into a box just like my parents told me to. I was so excited. I printed the whole thing out and ran to tell them... but it didnt go like how I thought it would. They told me I was being crazy. That I was making it up. That I wanted attention. So.. I got quiet again. But I kept going online. I learned new tricks to make my outside look more like I felt on the inside. At first my parents ignored me. They thought that if I wasn't getting attention I might give up. I didn't. So one day my dad had enough..." seemingly without realizing it, he reaches up and rubs the small but deep scar on his eye.

"I was put into foster care. I was one of the lucky ones. Lots of kids get bounced around in the system until they grow out of it. Taishiro took me in right away. I had known him from working at his diner before. He helped me dye my hair and do research on hormones I could take. And I met Tamaki. Taishiro was fostering him too. Just like that I had a brother." He swallows and puts down the flower stem. You take a breath and reach out hesitantly for his hand. He takes it, squeezing lightly before letting go. "Now you know about me." Eijiro stands up, seeming distracted and a bit out of it as he shoves his hands into his pockets and looks up at the sky. "I'll see you at school tomorrow Y/n."

Before you know it, he's gone.