Katie Holt, I presume

Chapter 29

Hi all!!! First of all, sorry it's been so long!!!! I actually had to take some time to reread this and my notes to see where I was going!!! If you liked this story I hope to finish it up...soonish LOL. I'm struggling time wise but hey!~ its a goal right?? Hope you enjoy-please leave me your thoughts or comments. Be kind...I know it's been a while hope you didn't lose interest and thank you to all you who have commented in the past or gently nudged me for more!!!

Pidge waited until everyone left the room, ignoring the very strong longing and urge to run. She's no coward but right now, she seriously felt nauseous. The door softly closed and now it was just James and her. Her and James. In a room alone. Shit, she was dreading this all damn morning, this stupid conversation but she owed him her honesty-face to face. And while it would have been nice to have backup, she did not see this conversation going in the right direction if Keith was here or talked to James instead. She actually shuddered thinking of the 'conversation' between Keith and James.

It's strange though because this was not a situation she ever imagined would find herself in or happen to her.  Honestly, she didn't give much thought to dating before her brother went missing and even with all the teasing from Veronica it still was just that it really seemed like a weird joke. But now she has to have a very serious conversation with a handsome guy she really genuinely liked and respected. Fuck!

James walked over to her and sat stiffly on the bed next to her. Before she could get a word out, he turned while simultaneously taking a deep breath. He started speaking slowly and deliberately, maintaining eye contact. "Katie, what's going on? I'm not mad at you. Honestly. But I am very confused. I thought, or rather I had heard, um, you and Keith were just friends."

"Yes. You are right. I mean, okay so I'm just going to be completely honest. Like brutally honest cause that's the only way I know how to be. Keith and I WERE just friends. Good friends. But I may, have had a little- um, crush on him in the past. Like way past. And, well, I guess, Keith has some feelings too. But, I didn't know!!!" I get that out super fast and look at James to see his reaction.

I can't read him. Shit. Um, okay, so I'm just going to continue this diarrhea of words that seems to be spewing out of me, "But now, we know. About each other's feelings. And so, now we have agreed to date and I want to be honest with you. I guess I'm flattered that you even liked me and I like you too! Really. You're a great guy and honestly, I would have-" I drift off. Crap, I don't think he needs to hear about how I was open to dating him. Before Keith showed his hand. I don't want him to feel bad. Or to think he should ever be a second choice.

I impulsively turn sideways reaching my hands for his. I hold his one hand in both of mine and stare at them. I need to convey this right because I really do not want to hurt him. But right now I'm not finding any words that will help my situation. He slowly turns too and I finally look up into his eyes. Slowly, I gather my thoughts I haltingly continue, "But I, well, Keith and I are just...well we- just fit. And, I guess I've had feelings for him for a while but honestly I pushed them down. I mean, we ARE in the middle of a war. But circumstances have changed and I'm going to see where this goes. We both know that life doesn't always work out the way you want. Not to mention we could literally die at any moment. Not to be overly dramatic or anything. I really hope you can understand and we can still be friends. Or not. If you don't want. I understand. At this point, you can decide."

James holds tight to my hands. He nods, "Okay, so he likes you suddenly. I get it. And I do understand. But I've also known Keith a long time. And I know me. So I'm not giving up. Not just yet. Let's finish this mission. And see where we all end up. Because, hell he could die."

"James!"

"Or not! Honestly with my luck he won't. But, he's also not going to stay here Katie. He'll leave. And, you have family here, a job, and friends. And I don't think you want to leave. But I have time, for you to see. Who is the better bet. Who in the long run, is a better fit...please, just don't count me out yet."

Pidge listens. And while she doesn't agree, she also doesn't think know is the time to argue. Because while maybe James knew Keith back in the day, like anyone he's grown. Yes, of course, there are elements of his character that remain the same. It's true of everyone. He is still the most loyal person she knows, logical and curious. But he's also matured so much. He has also managed to coral his hot headed tendencies for the most part and has improved his communication skills. She also recognizes that they have a foundation that's been built and tested through good and bad times. Simply put, she trusts him. On some fundamental level. It's

She also knows that what he said is true too. She does have a job and family here. But that doesn't mean she cannot be flexible. So in a way what he is saying holds an element of truth. But this is not something she thinks she needs to share with James. He will see for himself and honestly it does not really matter. Their relationship is just for themselves and she does not feel the need to defend or explain it. To her, it was almost like a fact or absolute. Like the scientific method as base way to prove or disprove facts. Or that the a scientist doesn't rely on facts but on supposing or questioning. Things can change yes, but to argue now seems pointless. Looking up into his kind and serious eyes, she simply nods.

James finally nods in return and asks, "So this plan, do you really think this is our best bet?"

Pidge nods, "Yeah, we need more data and the rumors are just that. I feel good knowing we have back up and again, I can protect myself as well. Please know that I'm not relying on Keith, I've got all your backs just as much as you. Have mine. Okay?"

James nods, "I know you're right. And I'm sorry if you feel like I don't trust you, that isn't it. At all. I just want you to be safe and I know that it's hard when we are in a war. I just don't want to lose any more people if I can help it. In fact, I'm actively trying not to!"

I smile, "I know. Same. Okay, I feel like this was difficult but necessary talk." I grin and shift to lean my head on his shoulder. He leans his head on mine. Now that the personal stuff has been sorted I need to start planning.

I hear a knock and I stand to open the door and see Matt there. He arches a brow, "Sorry I need to use the restroom. You just about finished in here?"

I nod, "Yeah Matt, come on in."

James stands, "Yeah, we are good. I better go check on Ryan and see if he needs anything. And stop him for ordering more food. Then I guess I'll be bumping into you soon. I'll see you later Katie. So we start the mission in two days?"

"Yeah, I think we need the time to get everything in order. I'm going to see what trouble I can get in from here." I wave an arm towards by laptop and go over to the desk.

As James leaves, I wait till I hear the door close before I turn to Matt. "Really, the bathroom?"

Matt laughs, "What! It was better that than Keith getting back seeing James was still in here. In fact, I actually did you a favor! Besides, I'm bored."

I shake my head, "Did you see about getting another bed or anything?"

"Nah, I'll let Shiro do that. So wanna tell me how you started a bar fight? Damn, who'd have thunk you'd be in one first!"