We all need closures. Dito kasi natin napapatunayan na tapos na- na wala ka nang kailangan hintayin o 'di kaya'y ipaglaban. Nung naghiwalay kami ni Paul, hindi na ako humingi ng closure. I broke up with him through text, yes, I know that was a shitty move, but that time, sobrang nasaktan ako at sobrang nagalit. Dahil sa sobrang sakit at galit, hindi ko na hinintay na mag kita pa kami, kaya't hiniwalayan ko siya.
I didn't feel like I still need to do any formal closure with him. Sa oras na 'yon, ang gusto ko lang ay ang hiwalayan siya. That bad, huh? Yes, it's fucking painful that in that moment, all I want is not to have any contact with him. Forever.
I spent my months thinking na okay na ako.
I moved on, and I believed that.
Until this one evening, I got invited to one of my bestfriend's debut party that was held in a hotel. Hindi ko talaga hilig pumunta sa mga formal parties dahil kailangan mong magmukhang tao, and I don't look like one. Kidding aside, my bestfriends rented a room in the hotel so we could prepare there. Also, the party ends at late evening so we decided to have an overnight stay in the hotel.
Nang matapos na kaming maghanda, bumaba at pumasok na kami sa ballroom, naghanap ng table at umupo.
A few minutes passed, Paul arrived, together with other former schoolmates.
He was there- wearing a long striped grey and white sleeves paired with black pants. I couldn't deny the fact that he still looked gorgeous, even my friends said so. But I had my own date that night, my boyfriend, so I didn't even bother to have a glimpse of him.
My boyfriend had to go home early. Hinatid ko siya palabas and bid our goodbyes and kisses. Nang bumalik ako sa ballroom, agad akong nilapitan ni Paul.
Nag-usap kami. Humingi siya ng tawad. Inako niya lahat ng mali. Kinamusta niya ako at gayun din ako. He even told me he likes someone else now. We talked like how a typical closure should be.
It seemed fine, but it seemed too fine.
Masyado itong pormal kaya'y hindi ako nakontento.
Akala ko 'yon na yun. Pero patikim lang pala lahat ng tadhana 'yon.
The group; my bestfriends and my former schoolmates including Paul, decided to visit us in our room. They were planning on drinking some alcohol before heading home.
I always hate the idea of drinking alcohol. I don't know. I'm not a killjoy. It's just that it feels kinda uncomfortable, for me.
But that night, I was flamboyant.
When the drinking started, I kept on accepting-more like snatching-drinks from the gunner which is Paul. I took and took shots from him. He was telling me to stop, but I told you, I was flamboyant. I wanna seek attention.
Nung naramdaman ko na ang pagpintig ng ulo ko at nung gusto ko nang masuka, tumigil ako sa pag inom.
Pinagmasdan ko lang si Paul noong gabing iyon. Gusto ko siyang kausapin. Gusto ko siyang awayin. 'Yan lamang ang nasa isip ko nun.
"Hoy, Paul. Ba't kami lang umiinom dito? Hindi pa kita nakikitang uminom ah!" Sumigaw ako na para bang ang close namin.
"Ha? Umiinom ako!" Sinagot niya ako. I thought he was just gonna ignore me like he always did before.
Tiningnan ko siya ng masama. "Lagi kaya akong nakatingin sa 'yo! Alam kong hindi ka pa uminom kahit isang shot!"
Nagkantyawan ang mga tao sa kwarto kaya walang nagawa si Paul kun'di ang uminom.
