One Shots

The Other's Side

They broke up. Both of them were hurting. She moved on fast, he was still hurt- he is the victim while she is the bad one. In love, people always see that person who has not yet moved on as the victim. They see him as the one who loved the most because he has not moved on yet. People always see that person who has finally moved on as the bad one. In their eyes, she didn't really love him because she has moved on and she replaced him so easily.

That's what people see. But they don't know the whole story. They were clueless, yet it was so easy for them to judge her because she is happy and he is not.

But what do they know? All they know was that.

I don't want to play victim here. Yes, I don't see his pain, but did you see mine? I know I'm at fault, but at least, hear my side and try to understand why it was so easy for me to move on and fall in love with another person.

I started my relationship with him fast. We confessed to each other fast. I did not know him that much but I told him I love him, and he did as well. For months, I can see how in love we were to each other. I know. I know he loves me so much. But distance made a gap in our relationship. No, it's not long distance but I moved few kilometers away from him. I did not let that few kilometers stop me from seeing him. On the first whole month of being apart, I shed tears every morning because I missed him so much. It was hard for me to get up from my bed knowing that I won't be with him the whole day. But I tried to get up because even though I couldn't be with him the whole day, at least I could see him in the afternoon. I went to him every afternoon just so I can see him. Yes, for the first two weeks he also waited for me just so he could see me. But then after those weeks, I found myself still eager to visit him yet he left me dumbfounded. Most of the times, when I go to him, he was not there and when I ask people where he was, they told me he went home. But that did not stop me from still visiting him every single day. I would still go visit him even though I could not see him most of the time. I would still go visit him even though I would wait for an hour. I would still visit him even though I have so many deadlines to do that night. In one week, I could just see him once or twice or worst- never. I would invite him to hangout with me but he would tell me he has no money or saying that he's tired. Do you know how that feels? It felt like he doesn't want to see me. All we did was chatting or texting. And whenever we chat or text, he always gave small responses. I was always the one trying to keep our conversation alive but he was the one who kept wanting it dead. I couldn't even share to him my biggest problems because he kept on showing to me that he was not interested at all.

For the nth time, I know that he truly loves me; but if you're reading this, Gabriel, tell me, what big sacrifices did you make for me? I never wanted to count efforts but I got so tired, Gab. Understanding you was okay, I could handle, but me working alone in our relationship was not a thing I could. This is a relationship- composed of two people who love each other, but why did it felt like I was the only one who kept going? I couldn't understand you but I stayed because you told me so. I never forgot that day you told me to just stay. And in every pain that you have given me, that phrase was the only thing I held on to- to just stay. I stayed, Gab. But I am just a mere human who cannot handle so much pain. I needed to feel you. I needed to feel your love. I don't want to just know it, I needed to feel it. Is it so hard waiting for me everyday? All you needed to do was wait. Did you even know the things I did just so I could get to you fast? I always got so excited to see you every afternoon, but then whenever I got there yet I don't see you, I felt so stupid. Do you know how that hurts? Was it so hard keeping the conversation alive? Were you really too busy that you couldn't spare an hour just so you could be with me? For a year and a half, I tried to understand you. I waited for you to open up to me. You couldn't even tell me your problems yet you could tell your friends or your cousin about it? You could tell them your problems, you could even tell them how hurt you were but why couldn't you to me? I was your girlfriend but you were making me feel lesser than the others- lesser than a family nor a friend. What am I to you, huh? I changed a lot for you. I was not me whenever I am with you. Yes, I guess I don't really know who you truly are, but did you really know me? I'm not asking you to change for me. All I ever wanted was for you to appreciate everything I did for you.

People always tell me that he loves me, but I know that. I don't want just to hear that. If he does love me, then why can't he even show up and tell directly to my face that he loves me? Why is he letting other people do that for him? Was it really that hard?

And people asked me why I moved on too fast? Because in that one year of sacrifice, I was already starting to move on. I was moving on while we were in a relationship. I was already trying to heal myself in all those times I couldn't feel him. And so when I could no longer feel my heart, when I could no longer see that I am happy, I needed to let go of him. Believe me or not, I never wanted to let go of him. It was hard letting go of him. But now, I have no regrets. Judge me, I don't really care now. All I know is that I did love him- and I still love him, but just not in the way you're thinking. I don't really think people could understand, but I know that Gab could. I know he could understand. He always does.

This time, it may sound selfish but I wanted to be happy. I wanted to feel being loved, not just knowing it. And this so called 'new guy' allowed me to feel the love I deserved and the love I did not deserve. That's for another story.