Can You Hear the Ocean?

Chapter 10

When Mia shut her eyes, the vision of the seashell on her nightstand permeated all other thoughts. She could see its pale color and smooth ridges, the sand granules still attached to it, could feel the warmth of Leila's fingers as she handed it to Mia that summer day twelve years prior. The evening before she left Maine.

Of course Mia had never forgotten who it was that gave it to her, and yet, she wasn't sure why she had lied when Leila asked about it.

"Mia."

Julian's voice broke her from her thoughts. Mia suddenly had a grip on her surroundings again. She was seated at a booth at a nice Italian restaurant, and the waiter was glancing over at her with pen in hand, ready to take her order.

"Oh, um. Sorry. I'll have the lasagna," Mia said. She handed the waiter her menu and reached for water. She took slow, long sips, trying to remind herself she was on a date with Julian, and that was where her attention should lie.

"What's the matter with you?" Julian asked. "He tried to get your attention multiple times."

"Sorry. Sorry," Mia responded. "I spaced out."

Julian sat annoyed across from her. "Yeah. You do that a lot," he grumbled.

Normally, Mia would have replied with something snarky, but she was too tired to fight today. She hadn't meant to harm the date. She and Julian had both been looking forward to this reservation for weeks, but since Leila's visit to her apartment the other day, something had changed. It was the first time Mia had been vulnerable around her, and when they parted that evening, Mia felt like maybe...she had made a friend again.

Then why did I lie about the seashell?

"Are you feeling okay?" Julian asked, now having calmed down. "You're not getting sick, are you?"

"I'm fine. Must've just worked myself really hard today at work, that's all," Mia said. "Sorry. I'm looking forward to our meal."

"I hope so. I saved up for weeks to buy you this dinner," Julian said. "Had to put up with some drunk ass customers too..."

Mia let her thoughts wander again as Julian went off into an array of stories from his job. Mia nodded and pretended to listen, though she stopped keeping track of which story he was on at some point. Thankfully, the waiter bringing them their food broke up the conversation, and soon enough all they could talk about was how good everything tasted.

Despite not having much of an appetite beforehand, Mia devoured her plate of lasagna. While it tasted delicious, she knew it could never match the version her mother made occasionally for dinner. She'd avoided ordering lasagna for several years after her mother's death, knowing she would be disappointed with whatever she was served.

"Let me try a bite," Julian said.

Mia must've pouted enough for him to reconsider because he moved his fork back to his own pasta dish and continued eating without saying a word. Mia was thankful for the sound of Italian music and the busy chatter of customers nearby to break the silence. If they'd just been eating like this in Mia's kitchen, she was sure the quiet clanking of their utensils against their plates would have been awkward.

After her plate was clean, Mia leaned back against the booth, feeling stuffed and happy. Julian suggested they share a dessert, but Mia declined. She was surprised to learn he decided not to order one, as he was usually adamant about ordering dessert at a restaurant, no matter how full he was. She'd been in too many restaurant booths to count watching him chow down on cake and icecream while she patiently waited for the bill.

Mia suddenly made the connection. If Julian hadn't ordered dessert, his mood must not have improved as she previously thought.

Sure enough, as they walked back to the car, they remained quiet toward each other.

"Did you want to go back to your place?" she asked, finally breaking the silence.

"No. You seem tired. I should just get you back home."

"Julian—"

"Look, don't worry about it. Clearly your mind is somewhere else tonight. Just get some rest, okay?"

"Okay," Mia agreed. Now the guilt over lying to Leila was replaced with guilt for ruining her and Julian's evening. Still, she couldn't argue with him when she knew herself that she was tired. She already was looking forward to crawling in her bed when she got home.

The sun was still setting as Julian's car pulled up to her apartment complex. She lightly grasped his arm and leaned forward to kiss him. She was afraid he wouldn't kiss her back, but his lips softly touched hers.

"Hey. I love you," she said.

Though Mia could tell he was still trying to act annoyed, Julian merely sighed. "I love you too. Sleep well."

"Thanks for dinner. I'll text you tomorrow," she promised him as she got out of the car.

Julian nodded, and Mia watched as his car drove off into the distance. She sighed and walked up the apartment steps. As she unlocked the door and stepped inside, Mia stretched her arms and let out a yawn. A good night's sleep was sounding pretty good right about now. She couldn't wait to take a warm shower, get cozy under her comforter, and enjoy some quiet time.

However, as Mia stared out into the living room, she saw Abby sitting on the couch under the faint glow of the lamplight, scrolling on her phone.

"Oh. Hi," Mia said, unable to feign her surprise. "I thought you'd be with Kyle still—"

"I was. Earlier today. Um, I'm actually glad you came home early tonight. I need to talk to you," Abby said. Her voice was slightly shaky, Mia realized, even though outwardly Abby seemed to pretend nothing was wrong.

Mia cautiously approached. "Is everything okay?" she asked.

"Yes. Yes. Everything is great, actually," Abby said. She slowly held up her hand to Mia. Mia's eyes suddenly fixated on the diamond ring glittering on Abby's finger under the lamplight. "You see, Kyle proposed to me today."

"Oh! Congratulations!" Mia exclaimed. "I'm glad it was just that. I have to admit, I got a little scared at first when you said you had to talk to me, but that's good news," Mia said. "I'd love to hear all the details, but I'm pretty tired, so maybe we can catch up more tomorrow?" she asked. Already she was beginning to walk toward her bedroom.

"Um, there's still more I need to talk to you about though," Abby interjected.

Mia turned back toward her. "There is?"

"Well, um, you see—" Abby was fumbling with her fingers. "Now that Kyle and I are engaged, we want to move in together."

"Oh. Okay. So..."

"I want him to move in here...with me. Next month, actually, if possible," Abby explained. "His own lease is ending soon, and we figure now would be the perfect time."

"Well, it might be a little crowded with three people—"

"Mia," Abby interjected again, seeming more distressed. "Um. I'm sorry. What I mean is...I need you to move out."

Mia froze in her steps. Oh. Of course that's what it was. She suddenly cursed herself for stupidly thinking that Kyle proposing wouldn't affect her living situation at all. Her mind started spinning in a hundred different directions, and she felt her throat grow chalky with tears as the anxiety of the situation set in.

"Do you think you'll be able to move out by next month?" Abby asked. "I'm sorry to throw this on you so suddenly. But I mean, you knew I was only subletting for a little bit, and I figure now that you're dating Julian, you'll probably want to move in together, so I didn't think it'd be a big deal."

"No. You're right. It's not," Mia lied. "I'll be out of here by next month. Sooner if I can." It was hard to hide the bitterness in her voice.

"Mia," Abby said quietly.

"I'm going to bed," Mia announced, storming to her room. She didn't mean to slam the door, but it echoed loudly down the hall. Mia collapsed on her bed, feeling tears roll down cheeks. She had worked so hard to move back to Maine, and even in the moments of uncertainty, when she felt like maybe the move had been the wrong choice, her heart hurt at the thought of having to leave. Mia reached for the seashell on her nightstand and held onto it tightly as she quietly cried.