Can You Hear the Ocean?

Chapter 19

Leila nearly bonked her head on her keyboard as her chin slipped from her hand. She quickly sat upright and glanced around, hoping no one in the vicinity had seen her nearly nod off while at work. She was thankful that it was Friday and that the office was emptier than normal. There were no meetings clogging her calendar like during earlier in the week, but when left to her own devices, drowsiness easily overtook her.

Leila forced herself up from her seat to go pour herself another cup of coffee. A coworker took notice.

"Third cup already?" he asked.

"Just a little tired today," Leila admitted. She took her mug back to her cubicle and sipped slowly on the coffee, silently begging it to wake her up.

For the past week, she'd been tormented by insomnia. It all began the night that Leila had taken Mia to her parents' house for dinner. That evening had been enjoyable, and Leila still smiled when she thought back on that dinner, but those fond memories came to a crashing halt when she thought about the dream she'd had that evening, and the dream the next, and the one the night after that.

Not only had her spiraling thoughts kept her awake, but Leila had been scared to sleep for fear of the recurring dream of her and Mia living together, not just as roommates but as...domestic partners. It pained Leila to think it, but she knew she couldn't deny it much longer. In the past two months of getting to know Mia better, she'd begun to fall for her.

Leila dug her fingernails into her skin. She knew it was stupid and wrong of her to think of Mia in such a way. She could count on her fingers the reasons why. Mia was already in a relationship. Mia was her roommate. And besides, Leila didn't even know if Mia liked women.

Leila felt the warm coffee trickle down her throat as she took another sip. She set her mug back down on her desk and buried her face into her hands.

She supposed it was inevitable these feelings would appear, or rather...resurface. Though Leila hadn't come to terms with her sexuality until college, in the time that had passed since, she had thought back to her past, specifically childhood, looking for signs of her queerness. Mia had been one of the most obvious.

Though when she was eleven Leila wouldn't have described her feelings as romantic, she always remembered feeling a closeness to Mia that she never felt with any of her other friends. She'd wanted to be by Mia's side as often as possible. She remembered lingering feelings of jealousy at recess when Mia would play with the other girls in the class. At the time, Leila beat herself up over wanting Mia to herself, even if they were already best friends. She had no idea that their relationship could evolve beyond friendship, so she figured she merely wanted to be Mia's bestest friend in the whole wide world.

It was something that Leila had never shared with anyone else. She had shared tales of old high school crushes with her circle of friends, but whenever they'd asked about elementary school, she'd divert the conversation elsewhere.

For the past week, Leila had been keeping her distance from Mia, though she knew it was pointless to do so. They were roommates, after all. She couldn't avoid Mia forever. Thankfully, Mia had been distant the last few days, ever since the night she had invited Julian over. Normally, Leila would have pondered why, but she was too preoccupied with her own feelings to care. She welcomed the distance for once.

Finally, after what felt like several minutes, Leila began to feel the effects of the coffee. She did her best to work diligently until lunch. Sitting outside under the shade of an awning, Leila texted her high school friends, a common pastime of hers during her lunch break.

It's already starting to get darker in the evening, Ashlynn complained.

I'm ready for summer to end tho. It's too hot, Elena responded.