Can You Hear the Ocean?

Chapter 30

As Mia watched Leila step through the door, she immediately noticed the way Leila's facial expression slowly transformed into one of shock when Leila noticed Julian. Mia had obviously never shared with Leila the details of the fight from the evening before, though knowing Leila, she must've been smart enough to figure out something had occurred.

Feeling Julian's hand tighten around her shoulder, Mia suddenly felt weak for returning to him.

...

After Leila had left for work in the morning, Mia had wrapped herself in the blanket on the couch and sat there, staring down at her feet. Fuji was brave enough to sleep on the couch cushion beside her, but she didn't attempt to reach out and stroke him. He was still frightened of her. Perhaps that was for the best.

I've become too attached and dependent on Leila, Mia thought. She'd thought long and hard the evening before, deciding that this attachment stemmed from her desire to fill the void in her life left by her mother's passing. Leila was kind and nurturing, and Mia had taken advantage of that kindness when she wasn't deserving of it.

"You're smart," Mia murmured to Fuji. He stared at her and flicked his tail. "You don't trust easily. You won't even let me pet you even though I've lived here for months. I know I come off as distanced, but the truth is, I become clingy too easily, and it usually leads to my downfall."

Fuji meowed in response.

"I'm sure you heard it all last night, but I don't know what I'm doing," Mia said, running her fingers through her hair. "I came back to Maine for a mental health break, but I didn't intend to stay. Even when I started dating Julian, I didn't intend to stay. But then I moved in with Leila, and now I'm looking at more long-term plans." Mia laughed to herself. "Look at me. I'm talking to a goddamn cat."

She wasn't sure why talking to Fuji felt more embarrassing than talking to her mother's grave, but it was comforting watching the animal slowly blink back at her. The marble stone Mia visited day in and day out could never give such a lively response.

"Leila shouldn't get attached to me. I can tell she has. Don't tell her this, but...I think she deserves a better friend, and better roommate for that matter, than me," Mia said.

Fuji didn't release a sound in return. Mia hoped that meant her secret was safe.

Mia sighed and reluctantly stood up from the couch. Her heart twisted as she put on a fresh pair of clothes for the day and stepped out the front door. Fuji stared at her, looking almost saddened that she was leaving.

"Sorry. It's for the best," she told the cat.

Oftentimes, she found herself gravitating towards the cemetery when she drove. Today, she passed by it without a single thought. Instead, her mind centered on someone else. Julian.

Mia pulled up in his front driveway, glad to see that only Julian's car was parked in front of the house. His parents must also be at work then, she thought.

Mia placed her hands in the pockets of her hoodie and shivered in the cold autumn morning air. She quickly ascended the steps to Julian's porch and rang the doorbell, desperate to get out of the cold. Then, she waited. And waited. And waited. Once again, she pressed the doorbell. And again.

Mia sighed and turned, guessing Julian was still asleep. She supposed she could call him later, though her courage might vanish by that point.

The door creaked open behind her. Mia turned, noticing Julian standing in the doorway. He was in the worn out t-shirt and boxer briefs that he wore to bed. Judging by how disheveled his hair was, she assumed he had just woken up.