Can You Hear the Ocean?

Chapter 14

Mia curled on top of her bedsheets and quietly wept, hoping Leila couldn't hear her. They'd just finished their dinner, and while Mia had enjoyed the conversation, she thought back once more to the potatoes they had been peeling. As she wiped tears from her cheeks, she wondered what she was even crying about. Was she touched that Leila had kept the habit? Did Mia really miss her mother that deeply? Or was Mia upset because she had forgotten that habit of her mother's altogether?

Mia let out a shaky sigh and reached for her tissue box to blow her nose. Her eyes caught onto the seashell by her bedside. Immediately, she turned away, not wanting to be reminded of her lie to Leila. Now that she knew that Leila still kept some of her old family habits, she felt even guiltier for keeping the truth from her.

Mia's breathing finally calmed, and the tears ceased. She sat up and wiped her eyes once more. It didn't make sense to sit and cry about everything that reminded her of her mother. Rather, she wanted to be joyous to be living with Leila and rekindling their friendship. Still, there was a voice nagging her in the back of her mind to maintain the distance.

Over the next few weeks, Mia observed Leila closely, and in doing so, shockingly began to realize the ways in which she herself had picked up old habits from Leila as well. It began when Leila bought apple pie for dessert.

"Any icecream to go with it?" Leila asked at the time.

"Oh. Probably not. I only have chocolate icecream with my pie," Mia admitted shyly.

Leila blinked in disbelief. "That's what I do too. I was just about to tell you that was the only option."

Sitting at the dinner table and eating pie with chocolate icecream, they traced back the tradition to Leila's seventh birthday party when that had been the only option for kids who wanted icecream with their pie. Mia had tried the combination then and hadn't had apple pie any way since.

Another morning, Mia made herself a cup of tea and glanced out the window. A few sparrows had perched on the patio, chirping loudly to each other.

"Good morning to you, too," Mia said quietly, not hearing Leila step into the room.

"Oh, do you talk to the birds, too?" Leila asked.

It only took Mia a few minutes to remember that they used to say hi to the birds when they were waiting for the bus in the morning before school.

Mia yet again came face to face with another habit of Leila's that she had unknowingly picked up. Nostalgia infiltrated Mia's life as bits and pieces of her past friendship with Leila came back to her.

"Want to watch a movie tonight?" Leila asked one evening.

Mia nodded. Occasionally when it was just the two of them on a weekend evening, they would sit on the couch and watch a movie after dinner. It didn't happen often, not when Mia was usually out with Julian or working, but she had an unexpectedly free evening and happily obliged.

After a simple chicken dinner Mia prepared, Leila found a corny romcom for them to watch, and Mia took a seat on the corner of the couch. She pulled her legs toward her and used the couch's pillows as a backrest. Leila sat near her, though the space between them was evident.

As Leila pressed play on the movie, Mia noticed Leila's gaze move to Mia's toes.

"Um, everything good?" Mia asked.

"Oh, I just noticed your socks weren't matching," Leila said. Her eyes widened. "Not that that's bad!"

Mia laughed. "I do that for good luck."

Leila smiled. "Really? I do that, too! We must've also done that together in elementary school. I'd forgotten about that one."

Mia felt her cheeks grow warm. Had they really created so many traditions together?

They were mainly silent during the movie, but when the credits rolled, Leila let out a yawn and let Mia know she'd be heading off to bed. Mia nodded, telling her the same, but when Mia had pajamas on and teeth brushed, she glanced around her bedroom, not yet feeling tired enough to sleep.

She glanced down at her socks. One was purple with pink polka dots, while the other was a bright orange. She'd really gone for the most outlandish mismatch ever. Mia laughed quietly to herself.

Feeling nostalgic, she reached down under her bed for a dusty box full of old belongings. They were a combination of drawings from elementary school, birthday cards from her parents, old photos, and letters that Mia had exchanged with Leila before she inevitably broke off connection.

Mia pulled out the stack of letters held together with a thin rubber band and set them to the side. First, she glanced through some of the old photographs. Leila was in nearly all of them.

Mia studied one from the winter before her mom died. They were in front of the Christmas tree in town, smiling at the camera. Mia's cheeks were light and rosy, and Leila had the biggest smile on her face. Mia supposed she didn't know at the time how sick her mother truly was.

Not wanting to cry about her mother, Mia reached for the stack of letters instead. The first one was dated the day after Mia had moved away. Mia supposed Leila couldn't wait that long to write.

Dear Mia,

I know it's silly I'm writing this the day after you left, but I already miss you. I rode my bike down to Gooch's Beach today, but it was weird not having you there, especially when we just went the night before. I didn't even get icecream today since you weren't there with me.

But enough about me! I know you'll probably be busy unpacking, but tell me all about Missouri! What does your house look like? How many cousins do you have? What are you doing for fun in the summer? Are there any beaches for you to go to?

I'm doing a beach clean-up with my parents this weekend. I want to make sure the beach looks nice and clean, so when you come to visit, it'll look just like it was before you left. Please write back soon!

Your friend,

Leila

Mia smiled to herself. Leila's enthusiasm could be read across the page. Perhaps that was why Leila was working in public relations now. She'd always been good at translating her emotions through her words.

Mia reached for another, and another, and another, and slowly, time passed by as her eyes skimmed the words of each letter. She was coming near the end of the pile, and slowly, she was noticing a shift change.

Dear Mia,

I know you haven't written in a while. I figure maybe you're just busy. We're going to be graduating middle school soon after all! Still, I wish you'd write me back soon. I still miss you. Do you think you'll visit Maine sometime soon?

Mia paused reading, trying to ignore the guilt lingering through her body. She sighed as she set the letter away.

She remembered these letters well. They had come to her during some of the darkest days. Mia had never gathered the courage to tell Leila what had really been occurring at the time. To Leila, she probably thought Missouri was all sunshine and rainbows for Mia. Perhaps now that they were becoming close again, Mia would have the courage to tell her.

Mia glanced up, spotting the seashell on her dresser. She seized suddenly. No, that wouldn't be possible. Already she had forced a distance between herself and Leila when she lied about the seashell.

Looking at the stacks of letters on the ground, Mia realized she was becoming too comfortable. Quickly, she gathered the remaining letters and photos and shoved them back in her box. After cleaning her room, Mia turned the lights off and settled into bed, but she couldn't sleep.

It was true that she was happier than she had been in a long time. Maine and Leila brought back fond memories for Mia. She didn't think remembering them was a bad thing, but she had cautioned herself from the first day she moved back to not get attached.

After all, I'll probably move back to New York eventually, Mia thought to herself. This is only temporary, until I can find my footing.

The seashell glistened in the moonlight. Mia sighed and rolled over, not wanting it to remain in her sight as she fell asleep.