Before We Were Us ○ Jasper Hale 2

Its Not Fair, None Of It Is

I've avoided Jasper ever since last Saturday. I can't bring myself to talk to him, to look at him. I didn't mean to look so pathetic, so weak. I know I should talk to him, I mean, his dad fixed me up and everything.
I try my hardest to avoid him at my locker, and I keep interaction minimum during gym but I can't shake the nagging feeling in the back of my head, that I need him. I feel like I'm getting sicker the more I stay away from him, and that only makes me want to stay away even more. I don't like that feeling, of needing someone. It reminds me of Nathan.
Speaking of the devil, today's his birthday. He should be back in Forks by now for break. That means he's going to visit the school, his old track coach and the teachers he really liked. Maybe he'll even bring his new girlfriend. It doesn't even matter anymore so I should just stop thinking about it because it makes me feel like an idiot.
I segue into the bathroom and take a deep breath and tucking my top back into my pants. I nod to myself before walking out and making my way to the gym. I couldn't help but lock eyes with Jasper and before I could even do anything, a hand clasps on my wrist and I'm spun around. My eyes widen even wider as a set of lips crash into mine. I freeze as a feeling of fear and sickness invades my system. The guy pulls back and I'm met with Jace's face. No. No no no no no no. No not today, not ever, rewind. Where the hell is the rewind button. "Hey." He smiles widely and I couldn't respond, my heart beating too wildly. "W-What-" I try and he chuckles, stepping closer to me.
"I wanted to know what you're doing today, there's a party." He says.
"W-Why'd you-"
"You know why, Thea." He chuckles and rubs a piece of my hair between his fingers. "I-I can't. I don't..."
"You don't... what?" Jace chuckles.
"I can't date my best friend's brother." I shake my head, going to step away but he grabs my hands.
"Why do you even hang out with her? Her personality is seriously twisted. Just, don't think about her."
"I-I've never thought of you in that way-I just-"
"Xanthia?" I hear and freeze up for a second time, my heart beat becoming even more frantic. Before I had time to react, Jace throws his arm over my shoulder and turns us around.
"What's up Nathan." He grins and they fist bump. "Congratulations Xanthia." Nathan smiles, patting my shoulder.
"Maybe we can exchange war stories some time." He nods, as if he couldn't see what's happening to me. As if he couldn't see how much I still need him.
"I-I'm not- we're not-"
"When did you guys get together?" Nathan asks, smiling the smile I used to look at every day.
"Pretty recently." Jace replies.
"You're not dating." Bernadette's voice cuts like ice and she pulls me away from her brother.
"She doesn't like you Jace, the only reason she went along with it is because she's stupid, and my friend. And you, never come anywhere near her again, got it?"
"B-Bernadette." I stutter pathetically.
"Whoa whoa, Bernie." Jace chuckles.
"She doesn't like you, you pervert!!!" She shouts loudly, drawing everyone's attention before storming off to class.
"I-I'm sorry, I can't do this." I breathe out and try and escape wobbly. I make my way in the opposite direction as Bernadette and I start seeing stars and my vision starts going black. My knees grow weak and give out and I start falling. "Jesus-!" I hear before someone catches me. "the hell happened to you?" I hear Rosalie's voice before everything goes black.
•
"Thea, are you up?" I hear and my eyes flutter open to see Rosalie sitting next to me. "You passed out in the middle of the hallway." She grumbles and I apologize to her. "It's fine, just... inconvenient." She mumbles. "Do you remember what happened?" She asks and I nod, sitting up slowly.
"... Jasper's really worried about you you know." She says and that was it. That was the marble that shattered my bottled up emotions. A strangled sound chokes out of me and I start crying, pulling my legs to my chest and pulling my hat further down on my head.
"I-I'm sorry." I choke out. "I'm sorry." I repeat but I still can't bring myself to be near him and it feels like that is killing me. "Why is it so hard to just... let yourself." She asks hesitantly.
"I can't do it." I choke out. "Everything is so messed up and I just... I can't do that to Bernadette and I'm sure he'd be a great friend but I just can't do it." I wail, the stress of it all just breaking me down. "Pull yourself together... next period is lunch." She mumbles before leaving and I curl up even tighter. It isn't fair. I don't want to deal with this right now. I don't ever want to deal with this.