Days and weeks passed at the pace of a snail's journey, slow. I didn't realize how staying in a constant state of fear kept me occupied, not until the constant fear began to fade, only appearing for nightmares, straying thoughts, and the occasional surprise. Not much had been occurring to keep my elevated state of anxiety going. For the first time in a long time, more of my day was spent bored than it was plagued by fear.
It didn't help that I had lost the distractions that would have otherwise kept me occupied. Axels surprise attack had caused things to shift. They had been surprised by his lack of control just as much as I had been. But unlike me, they weren't taking the events that had occurred in stride. Everyone's behaviour had shifted, even if they denied it. It was like they were waiting for a big reaction or breakdown. They didn't know I knew how to process and move on with my life. Though, it was clear from learning their problems that they had issues with moving on. Their pasts clung to them, holding them back. It was affecting how they were perceiving how I would react, well how most of them were. They tried to hide it, but I could see them tiptoeing around me on eggshells.
Especially when I challenged their lies.
Like when I asked about Axel.
I didn't notice the shift that had taken place at first, but as the days went on, it became more obvious.
Ares had tried to keep me from noticing at first, but it didn't take long to notice that his forced care now came with lingering eyes that wanted to ensure he wasn't going too far. A worry the silver specked lavender irises never sported before was visible each time they remained on me too long.
If that wasn't a giveaway that he was carefully watching each of his words and actions, the fact he hadn't tried to touch me again since that night that felt like months ago would have driven the point home. We still slept in the same room at night, but instead of tangled in one another's arms like I would have expected to be a regular occurrence by now, it was with our backs to one another. The fact that it had gone uncontested when it had been mentioned again that I would room with Ares was the first warning sign that things were different. Ryder not speaking a word of protest like previously had alarm bells ringing. His lips had been pressed into a line of displeasure instead. They must have decided that it was safest to stick with Ares who I had been choosing of my own will.
The alarms only grew louder when Ares made no attempts to do anything more than sleep by my side. His excuse was that he wanted me well rested for training with Ryder in the mornings, but trying to convince me of that didn't make it the truth. Not when I could feel the shift that had taken place between us ever since he had stated he wouldn't share his royal flame with me. He had withdrawn.
And I was experiencing withdrawals as a result.
I didn't know I would be left craving his touch so badly, not until he had taken it away from me. Each time he answered my small fits of defiance with physical force, his hands only met my clothing.
It was cruel of him to keep them away from me after using them to bring every nerve ending of my body to life. I wasn't used to it, but he had me considering making a move to combat the cold shoulder I felt I was partially receiving. He was supposed to be the warm one, his brother was his cold half.
I knew I was responsible for that shift, not Axel and what he had done- even if it did contribute to the change. Most of the change came from how I had reacted to the news that he had a Royal flame he didn't want to share, how I reacted before learning all the details.
Although we had agreed to put the matter aside and continue as we had been, it had been weeks and things were nowhere near how they used to be between us. I tried to push past the pain that came with his rejection,
I knew it was my fault for reacting so poorly at first, but he was the one letting it come between us now. His every action reflected the hesitation he held.
